I
§o
£
Notes To Dad
by
o Janice
Stoudnour
Bedford County
0 Cooperative Extension
1
Learning To Be A Father
“I Should Have Read A
Book!”
I will never forget the early
morning ride on the way to the
hospital for the delivery of our
first child. 1 woke up about 2:00
a.m. with pains about five min*
utes apart. The hospital was
about 35 miles away, which
would take us around 45 minutes
to drive.
About halfway there as the
pains started to progress to two
minutes apart, my husband sud
denly had a revelation. He very
seriously turned to me and said,
“We don’t know anything about
being parents. We didn’t even
read a book. What do we know
about being ’good’ parents?”
It was at that moment that he
realized (and me too) that we
were actually going to have a
baby. Oh yes, we knew this all
along, but the reality hit that
early cold February morning.
Not only a baby boy was bom,
but a father and a mother were
born as well.
Learning to be a parent is like
traveling along a long country
road—there are many hills and
valleys as well as twists and
turns. You just hope that you
end up on a hill and not too worn
out from the trip still looking for
a flat straight stretch of road.
By the way, the trip will never
end. You’re always a parent no
matter how old your children be
come.
You learn to be a parent by
doing and from observing every
one else around you, but mostly
you learn from your own par
ents. After all, they trained you
since you were born. As children
we pick up their bad and good
parenting traits. Where did my
husband learn to be a good fa
ther? Of course, we know he
didn’t read a book. He learned
from his own father as well as
the men around him who cared
about him.
Research shows that children
who grow up with fathers who
stay involved in their lives tend
to enjoy all kinds of benefits:
from better school performance
to less trouble with the law, to
better careers and relationships
with others.
Many fathers get involved in
sports or other past times that
they are interested in. The im
portant thing is that they become
involved with their children
somehow whether it is music,
fishing, sports, chess, cars, cook
ing, or whatever the special inter
est they can share together.
Children need their fathers to
be involved.
Children learn from watching
their fathers.
Take a few minutes and close
your eyes. Imagine that you are a
young child again, and you are
with ypur father. What are you
doing together? What is he say
ing to you? For many of you, this
experience is probably one that
makes you feel happy, safe, and
secure.
Are you providing these same
types of experiences for your
children? How many times a
week are you doing something
active with your children?
Garret D. Evans, assistant
professor of clinical psychology,
University of Florida, explains
the importance of a father’s role,
“In many ways, our father is one
of the strongest influences on
how we raise our own children.
Through our connections with
our dad, we build a sense of iden
tity for the family. We may pass
on family traditions, values, and
opinions that continue for
generations.”
Evans further states that a fa
ther not only carries his father’s
traits into his parenting style, but
he adds his new values and tradi
tions as well. This is what makes
your own father unique. It also
gives hope to children that they
can improve on the foundation
their own father gave them. Most
people would agree that no one is
perfect, so there is always room
for improvement at being a par
ent. It is important to take the
good traits that have been role
modeled to you by your father as
well as other men around you,
and adopt them to your own par
enting practices.
How do you know if you are
involved enough with your chil
dren and spending true “quality”
time? Evans suggests asking
yourself these four basic ques
tions:
Are your children the center of
your attention or are you just try
ing to keep them busy while
you’re doing other things?
Are you doing something they
would like to do?
Are you saving enough time
and energy every day so that you
can spend it with them or are
you playing or interacting with
them when it is convenient?
Are you happy just spending
time with your children with no
particular purpose or goal in
mind?
If you answered “yes” to
all these questions, you are
more than likely spending
some real quality time with
your children.
If you came up short on
some of these answers, then
how do you begin to start
getting more involved?
Make a plan setting aside
some time to do an activity
with your children that you
haven’t done much with
them before. This could just
mean 15 minutes helping with
homework, throwing the base
ball, or even playing tea party.
This may seem like a small ef
fort, but take a good look at your
child’s face while you are doing
it. There is nothing more gratify
ing for a parent as looking in the
eyes of true happiness. It only
costs your time; no cash is
needed.
Did you need to read a book to
learn this? The key to successful
parenting is to take the time to
do things with your children
throughout their lives. Not just at
age 8 during Little League sea
son, but even at 17 when they act
as though they don’t want you
around. They need you as much
at age 17 to learn how to become
an adult as they did when they
were one learning how to walk.
This is what the books says,
and this is what our parents
learned after raising us.
Demuth Garden Tour
June 9-10
LANCASTER (Lancaster Co.)
Fourteen private and public
gardens will be open for the 18th
annual Demuth Garden Tour on
Saturday and Sunday, June 9
and 10, Lancaster.
Visitors also will have a
chance to meet with Pennsylva
nia garden author, photographer
and speaker Liz Ball. Her new
368-page book of advice and re
sources, Month-By-Month Gar
dening in Pennsylvania, has just
been released by Cool Springs
Press. Liz will appear at a book
signing Saturday, June 9, from
11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Demuth
Museum, 120 East King Street.
The annual event benefits the
non-profit Demuth Foundation,
which conserves the home and
garden of renowned artist
Charles Demuth (1883-1935), a
Lancaster native.
JO I IS! V-: M
THE
FIRM. -M-ms,.:.
GOOD MUSIC PROMOTIONS
PRESENTS
Jim & Jesse
4
/
4
In Concert O’
Friday, May 25,2001 J)
Show starts at 4:00 PM -
Appearances at 7:20 PM *
& 9:00 PM W
4 To be held at the »
Lebanon Valley Expo *
Center
in Lebanon, Pennsylvania .
Also appearing: The Karl Shiflett & Big Country Show
Local Exchange - Scott Eager & Longshot TV
The Penn-Del Mountain Boys
%
Tickets at the gate $20.00 For more information contact
(cash only) Jim Good at 717-445-9496
www.goodmusicpromotions.com
Make your plans now to attend!
Lancaster Farming, Saturday, May 19,2001-B7
Lawrence County
Looking For
Dairy Royalty
NEW CASTLE (Lawrence
Co.) If you have a desire to
promote real dairy products to
consumers at meetings, schools,
parades, stores, media, fair and
much more, and are a young
woman or man between the ages
of 13 and 24, unmarried, related
to a dairy farmer, employee in a
dairy related job, employed your
self on a dairy farm, or own two
or more dairy animals as 4-H or
FFA projects, you would qualify
to be a dairy maid, ambassador
or princess candidate.
The Lawrence County dairy
promotion committee would like
to hear from you by June 1. The
annual pageant is at Wal-Mart
Union Square, New Castle, June
9,7:30 p.m.
For more information, contact
Betsy Musser at (724) 336-4300
or Denise Whiting at (724)
658-2706.
Other highlights include De
muth’s gardens and the sale of
plants and original artwork at
Conestoga House, 1608 Marietta
Avenue, with the estate’s lovely
gardens open for visitors.
Festivities kick off Friday,
June 8, with a Garden Gala Ben
efit at Conestoga House from 6
to 8 p.m. The gala is $4O and ad
vance reservations are required
by contacting the Demuth Foun
dation.
Advance tickets for the self
guided garden tour good both
days of the event are on sale
for $l2 by calling the Foundation
at (717) 299-9940. They also may
be purchased the days of the
event, for $l5, and will be avail
able at each garden on the tour.
A Garden Tour Guide Book,
with detailed maps and descrip
tions of each garden, is included
in the ticket price.