Lancaster farming. (Lancaster, Pa., etc.) 1955-current, December 30, 2000, Image 45
30 Notes To Dad So Nancy B. Stevens Montgomery County Extension Agent ON BEING A STEPDAD Being a father today is hard enough, but many men are also dealing with being the “wicked stepparent.” Today about 10 percent of children in America younger than 18 live in stepfamilies. That means we have an awful lot of men out there trying to sort out their roles in an “instant family” or blended family situation not an easy task! Sometimes being a stepparent feels like being the “odd man out.” Dads can feel left out of the mother-child relationship. Or children can resist the idea of the stepfather playing any parenting role due to the relationship with or loyalty to the biological father. It is a very complex situation for sure. Dave, a stepdad of about seven years, stresses the need for pa tience. He said, “I was lucky be cause we were able to move into a different house when my wife and I married. We avoided the image of me trying to take over the biological father’s place in the home. I would have felt like I was intruding by sitting at his place at the table, parking my car in his spot, etc. The move was like starting fresh, and I’m Farm Injuries Builds Frustration Among Farm Safety Specialists MARSHFIELD, Wis. The number of traumatic, gruesome farm injuries involving young children is causing frustration among professionals involved in farm safety and health. During September and October there were media reports in North Da kota and Wisconsin of two chil dren killed and three with limb amputations; the oldest of these kids was 9-years-old. Morton Buildings Includes An Unequaled Warranty Package With Every Building Purchase • 50-year protection against snow load damage to structures with no weight limit • 50 year protection against decay or insect attack on preservative treated columns and lumber • 20-year protection against red rust, fading, chalking, cracking and peeling on roof and sidewall panels, including damage from atmospheric pollutants MORTON 800-447-7436 w BUILDINGS PO Box 399, Morton, IL 61530 www mortonbuildmgs com ©1999 Morton Buildings, Inc WV Contractor’s License #WVOO7B4B sure it helped our relationship from the beginning.” This move created a neutral territory for the family and contributed to the good relationship they now enjoy. Patience is certainly important and parents should realize that the first few months, or eyen years, will have difficult periods. You simply can’t expect instant love. Another stepdad I know said he was “careful not to try to ‘elbow in’ on the territory of the biological dad.” In his case, his stepson and biological father had a strong common interest in fish ing. “I stayed away from that ac tivity and instead introduced my stepson to one of my passions, archery. Not only has it expand ed Tim’s horizons, but has given us a non-threatening activity that we both look forward to on weekends together.” Stepparenting is usually more successful if stepparents carve out a role for themselves like this that is different from and does not compete with the biological parents. Discipline is often a big area of conflict. It’s important to set limits and enforce them for chil dren. The parent and stepparent need to work out disciplinary ac- Having grown up on a farm 15 miles north of Marshfield, Wis consin, Nancy Esser has an ap preciation for how positive farm life is for families and children. But in the last two months, she’s become aware of several serious injuries, including deaths, that have occurred on farms. “IT bothers me terribly to see these events described as ‘acci dents,’” said Ms. Esser. “They Wf* *■ • 10-year protection against windload damage to Morton Buildings' AlumaSteel sliding doors with no velocity limit • 5-year protection against windload damage on the entire structure with no wind velocity limit • 5 year protection against roof leaks on Morton Buildings' hi rib steel panels Redcoats Target National Energy Policy TRENTON, Neb. A voice from the heart of farm county re sounded throughout the national convention of Women Involved in Farm Economics (WIFE) as delegates gathered in Colorado Springs, Colo., Nov. 15-18. WIFE’S strong grassroots heri tage, a belief in the importance of the family farm, and the right of farm families to receive a fair tions in advance and then sup port each other when the rules are being enforced. There are many obstacles, for sure, when working out steppa renting roles. Dads and moms need to accept the fact that a stepfamily is a different type of family. They also have to recog nize that many of the upsetting behaviors they may see result from feelings of insecurity and loss on the child’s part. They need to remind themselves of this and keep themselves from react ing to the words or behavior. Finally, don’t take all the re sponsibility for the relationship if it’s less than perfect. Children have responsibility, too. There are two people involved in any relationship and stepparents shouldn’t shoulder all the guilt. Like any relationship, the stepdad/stepchild relationship needs lots of open communica tion and time. As my friend Dave says, “learning your role as a stepdad is just like learning to play any sport. Things feel a little awk ward at first and you may not have the greatest form in the be ginning. But if you keep trying, sooner or later it seems a little more natural and before you know it, you’ll feel like you’ve al ways been a player!” are not accidents. They are pre dictable and preventable.” These recent events, coming on the heels of National Farm Safety and Health Week, led to multiple phone and e-mail con versations among many child safety advocates and farm safety specialists. Esser and others are feeling righteous anger as they question why children have been near dangerous farm equipment. Gettysburg, PA 717-624-3331 Mt. Pleasant, PA 724-542-7930 Phillipsburg, NJ 908-454-7900 Lancaster Farming, Saturday, December 30, 2000-B9 return for their efforts and dedi cation was emphasized by Presi dent Cindy Cruea during her opening address. WIFE is entering its 25th year as one of the nation’s leading farm organizations. This group of dedicated farm women has continuously addressed their concerns, which so gravely affect the economic well-being of this country. “WIFE was a pioneer in promoting the use of ethanol, thus reducing the nation’s de pendency on foreign oil,” said Cruea. “Promoting a cleaner en vironment and expanding the use of our domestic farm prod ucts for use in production of re newal fuels continues to be a major priority.” When WIFE was organized in 1976 in Sidney, Neb., ethanol promotion was a driving force. Twenty-five years later, the promotion of renewable fuels continues to be a leading issue for the organization. “WIFE urges Congress and the Administration to develop a comprehensive National Energy Plan that includes renewable fuels,” said Cruea. Drought, high fuel prices, and In other work settings, such as construction, no one would ever allow a child to be around heavy equipment, yet that same stan dard is not always maintained around a farm. “Ninety percent of all farm in juries are predictable and pre ventable,” says Gail Scherweit, safety coordinator at the North Dakota Farm Bureau and Pro gressive Fanner Advisory Board member. Gail notified Esser of the 3-year-old North Dakota boy who lost both arms in a grain auger. Esser said that they had communicated back and forth via telephone and e-mail about this incident and others similar to it. “Our frustrations were mir rored when we read statements claiming that this was ‘just an accident and no one is to blame.’ We are looking at strategies to inform critical audiences that farm injuries are not just ‘acci dents.’ An accident is something NEED YOUR FARM BUILDINGS PAINTED? Let us give you a price! Write: Daniel’s Painting 637-A Georgetown Rd. Ronks, PA 17572 (or leave message) (717) 687-8262 Spray on and Brush in Painting low commodity prices are among the major factors in the economic dilemma facing this nation’s farmers and ranchers. “I am thankful that the Wash ington administration is aware of the mental, physical and spiritu al stress that farm families are facing,” said Cruea. “However, I believe our proud farmers and ranchers would much rather im prove their financial situation through their own investments, management decisions, determi nation and dedication.” Cruea calls on this nation’s producers to encourage the use of renewa ble fuels. “Join us as we fight for family farmers and ranchers and be come a “Redcoat for American Agriculture.” The “Redcoats” leading the organization in 2001 include Cindy Cruea, president, Pierre, S.D.; Mary Ann Sheppard, first vice-president, Shorter, Ala.; Pat Jones, second vice-president, Lubbock, Texas; Colleen Rot tman, secretary, Yoder, Wyo.; and Ardyth Triplette, treasurer, Venango, Neb. National area di rectors are Kathy Herdt, Veter an, Wyo.; Norma Hall, Elm wood, Neb.; and Ella Caraway, Louisville, Ala. that can’t be prevented. Most of the incidents which result in in jury and death can be prevented by parents making better choic es,” Esser said. John Shutske, Minnesota Ex tension Safety Specialist, de scribed his sense of anger, frus tration and hopelessness over these events. “Working in farm safety, we often walk on egg shells. We’re careful not to of fend farmers with talk about labor laws or child care options.” John’s hope is that more tough, straight talk among farmers, rural leaders and safety special ists will lead to the conclusion that “enough is enough!” Barbara Lee, Ph.D., Children’s Center Director, welcomes these frank discussion. “Having met with parents who have lost a child as a result of a farm injury, it is evident there can be long term, negative consequences for the family. And as safety profes sionals, we often feel ineffective. We want to console parents on the loss of a child, but we cannot condone de- cisions such as allow ing children on trac tors, which resulted in one of the recent deaths. We’ve heard of cases where a district attorney has filed criminal child neglect charges against par ents, whose lack of su- pervision or choice of risky behavior resulted in a child’s death. We hate to see it come to that,” she said.