On Being a
Farm Wife
(and other
hazards) .
Joyce Bupp
The Internet, or the world
wide web, is a tremendous devel
opment of our modern
computerized society.
It allows us to communicate
with folks as close as in the next
building or as far away as a
country halfway around the
world at the mere press of a key.
It is revolutionizing retailing,
enabling us to buy everything
from auctioned collectible items
to the week’s grocery needs
without every stepping out our
doors. It provides access to a
world of information at our
fingertips, a boon for everyone
from renowned scholars to ele
mentary school kids researching
some homework.
But, like nearly every other
great development of society,
the Internet has its down side.
Sadly, a small percentage of
users reportedly become ad
dicted to cyber-participation
life. Compulsive buyers find it
too easy to spend way beyond
their means with the flick of a
few keyboard instructions. And
the tales of hackers-from those
seeking to pirate or destroy in
formation to the mischief
makers who delight in disrupt
ing the system-have become un
fortunate modern day legends.
Like millions of other house
holds around the world, we are
cyber connected. Our use of the
Internet is limited by our lack of
time and plus occasional frus-
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tration at trying to find what one
wants out there in the world of
more information than we could
ever hope to find or use. Prima
rily, though, we “log on” to pick
up our e-mail and keep in touch
with friends and family scat
tered from the east to the west
coasts.
Most of my e-mailing is done
early in the morning, before
heading to the barn to help with
morning chores. Among the
messages pretty often is some
sort of off-the-wall humor piece
forwaided by friends with funny
bones. Like this through
provoking piece from comedian
Steven Wright waiting for me on
a recent 5 a.m. cyber-mail
check.
Think about this: Did you
ever wonder...
-If a pig loses it’s voice, is it
disgruntled?
-Why is the man who invests
all your money called a broker?
-Why are a wise man and a
wise guy opposites?
-Why isn’t the number 11 pro
nounced onety-one?
-When cheese gets its picture
taken, what does it say?
-If a person who plays the
piano is called a pianist,
shouldn’t a person who drives a
race car be called a racist?
-Why do we say something is
“out of whack?” What’s “in
whack?”
-Why do overlook and oversee
mean the same thing?
-If Fed Ex and UPS were to
merge, would they call it Fed
Up?
-If it’s true we are here to help
others, what are the others here
for?
-Why do croutons come in
airtight packages when it was
stale bread to begin with?
-Why do women wear evening
gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t
they be wearing night gowns?
-It lawyers are disbarred and
clergymen defrocked, shouldn’t
electricians be delighted, musi
cians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree
surgeons debarked and dry
cleaners depressed?
And, finally ... If a cow could
laugh, would milk come out her
nose?
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-Ever wonder how fast the
speed of lightning would be if it
didn’t zigzag?
-Why does no one believe a
sign “wet paint” until they
touch the surface to see?
-How much deeper would
oceans be if sponges didn’t live
there?
-Since mothers use little
spoons to feed their babies, what
do they use in cultures where
chopsticks are utensils of
choice? Toothpicks?
-When someone offers “a
penny for your thoughts” and
you give them your two cents,
what happens to the other
penny?
(Brought to you by the magic
of the Internet and my cyberhu
morist, Martha...)
Lancaster Farming, Saturday, March 11, 2000-B5
What To Do When Kids Swear
Explicit language may seem your money the way you really
to be everywhere, but most par- want? Do not carry more money
ents don’t want their children with you can you can afford to
using it. spend.
Herberg Lindgren, University Stage a garage sale to sell un
of Nebraska Cooperative Exten- wanted items,
sion specialist, offers four Pay bills early; this may give
suggestions that parents can use you a discount and it will pre
to help children improve their vent late charges,
vocabulary. Check to see if you are eligible
Don’t overreact. A youngster for the earned income tax credit
usually takes delight in too which can result in a larger tax
strong a reaction to anything. refund.
Explain the impact of bad lan- Become involved in less ex
guage. Tell children that it may pensive sports and recreational
upset, offend or insult others. activities.
Read magazines and books
from the library; cancel sub
scriptions.
Analyze insurance coverage
to be sure you are getting the
lowest insurance rates.
Avoid malls-browsing results
in impulse buying.
Gardening Is Exercise
If you don’t think you get ex
ercise when gardening, consider
what the following activities do
for your body: Squatting works
leg muscles, firms thighs. Bend
ing builds back strength, slims
the waist. Spading strengthens
biceps, triceps, legs and chest.
Raking works the upper back,
biceps and triceps. Pushing a
loaded wheelbarrow uses almost
every muscle in the body.
Fresh air is good for the lung.
Sunshine is good for the com
plexion, hair and smile. Garden
beauty is good for the soul!
Source: Colorado State Uni
versity Cooperative Extension
Also teach the concept that
we can’t make our point by
using explicit language. Don’t
become the language police, in
stead, aim to persuade children
to eliminate bad words.
Practice what you preach.
Parents need to be aware of how
they manage their anger and
frustration. The greatest single
influence on how young children
communicate their feelings is
still what they hear at home. Let
them know you are trying to
clean up your language so both
parents and children can emerge
on the side of self-respect.
Live Well On Less
We can learn to live on less
without needless sacrifice.
Here are some ideas; Keep
track, item by item of where
your money goes every day,
week or month.
Talk to the family about
spending. Are you spending
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