84-Lancaster Farming, Saturday, June 6, 1998
On Being a
Farm Wife
(and other
hazards) ,
Joyce Bupp
We held off this announce
ment until the appropriate
moment.
But, now it’s time.
Lights off, curtain up as we
premier the summer’s newest,
ready-to-roll, potential block
buster movie hit. Of course, in
keeping with the times, it’s an
epic, chock-full-of-adventure,
special-effects, computer
enhanced production. Featuring
a monster.
No. None of those giant ste
gasauruses or fake lizards or
overgrown gorillas. Hey, that
stuff’s all been done
No. We’re talking mooooon
ster movies This one is entitled
“Udder Revenge ” Join us for the
premier.
During June Dairy Month,
But, of course.
In keeping with the trend of
the latest box office hits, its
edge-of-your-seat action will
include a giant luxury vessel
which sinks after smacking to
an iceberg on a large farm pond,
romantic interest between a
trainer who whispers to cows
and a Washington intern (oops,
sorry, we crossed over into real
life there) and, of course our
Gooseneck Trailers- Models G-10, G-14, G-16
Adamstown Equipment
Adamstown PA* 717/484 4391
Chambertburg Farm Service
Chambersburg PA* 717/264 3533
Charles S Snyder Inc
Tamaqua PA* 717/386 5945
C H Rinehimer
Berwick PA* 717/752 7131
Deer Creek Equipment
Whitetord MD*4lO/452 5252
Deerfield Ag A Turf
Watsontown PA • 717/538 3557
mmm/ n mm
hero.
Er, heroine. None other than
Big Bossy, leader of the Bovine
Bullheads, the head boss-cow in
a herd of clone replicas of a
petri-dish-bred cross between an
1,800-pound Holstein and DNA
dug up in Utah from bone resid
ual of a brontosaurus.
Big Bossy weighs 15 tons,
comes outfitted in striking black
and white genuine, pure-organic
cowhide, boasts a tiny head out
fitted with a set of horns that
would stir envy in a prized Texas
Longhorn and has a rather hefty
tail. Which, like most bovines,
manages to be wet and sloppy at
the most opportune times
And, yes, Big Bossy grazes,
anywhere she wants.
Since no summer box-office
hit would be complete without
an appropriate villain (boos and
hisses, please), we have one. It’s
an arrogant, whiny, self-pro
claimed hand of “food police,”
whose main mission in life is to
degrade the output of Bossy and
her Bullhead buddies.
Bossy first hears the lam
basting of the “experts” on the
radio of the Big Barn (of course
Big Bovines need a Big Barn, for
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Eckroth Bros Farm Equipment
New Ringgold PA* 717/943 2131
Elder Sales ft Service
Stoneboro PA • 412/376 3390
Heflin Sales ft Service
Woodsboro MO • 301/898 3233
Henry Horning
Lititz PA* 717/626 5033
Hetricks Farm Equipment
New Bethlehem PA* 814/275 3507
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goodness’ sake). And, like all
blockbuster mover superheros,
Bossy is blessed with supernat
ural powers which enable her to
understand the udderly foolish
claims she overhears on an
early-morning radio call-in-and
gripe-with-the-experts talk
show.
Having yielded up her morn
ing output of 500 gallons that
pre-dawn milking, while chow
ing down some two tons of TMR
(Total Mixed Ration feed blend)
and chawing away at her mas
sive cud, Big Bossy gets so
udderly riled up by the “experts”
claims that she slips her
logchain tie to embark on a mis
sion.
Once escaped, the normally
docile Big Bossy pokes out the
oversized Big Barn doors with
the mere sweep of a horn and a
blood curdling bellow that shat
ters all the glass in the housing
developments within two miles
of ground zero of her distress.
The pastured Bullheads rally to
her call, busting a bunch of
fences.
Bossy and the Bullheads,
always on the lookout to to on
the lam, create utter havoc and
destruction as they stampede off
in search of righting wrong
information.
In their wake, sections of sev
eral rural villages are pillaged
by maurauding giant hooves and
whole fields of hay wiped out as
the bovines - being bovines -
pause occasionally to see if the
grass is really greener on the
other side of the county.
Before the end credits roll on
this potential Emmy winner,
whole broadcast media centers
have been hoof-trimmed, a feed
mill or two overturned as the
herd snitches giant bites of feed
CB Hoober & Son, tnc
McAllisterville PA* 717/463 2191
Hutton Farm Equipment
Mahatfey PA • 814/277 6647
Ickes Farm Supply
Osterburg PA* 814/276 3422
IvanJ Zook
Belleville PA* 717/935 2948
J David Muttlnix
Dayton MD • 301/489 4363
supplement and our whisperer
takes off to attempt to and corral
the escapees with a helicopter to
whisper from with a bullhorn
(logically) and several very stur
dy, very long, sections of baler
twine to temporarily patch miles
of fences laid waste.
Just where do sinking luxury
vessels and Washington interns
fit info this devious, destructive
and udderly daring plot?
SYRACUSE, NY-Choosmg
the most effective execution of
the "got milk?" campaign for
local markets areas, the
American Dairy Association and
Dairy Council, Inc. (ADADC),
will run outdoor billboards from
May 1 through September, when
roadways are filled with sum
mer travelers, in key spots
throughout New York, New
Jersey, and Pennsylvania.
Consumers will be reminded
to "get milk" in such heavily
traveled areas as:
Metro New York
•Cross Bronx Expressway
•Bronx Queens Expressway
(BQE)
•Harlem River Drive
Upstate New York
•Interstates 81 and 690 in
Syracuse
•Interstate 81 in Watertown
•Interstate 481 in Fulton
New Jersey
•New Jersey Turnpike, near
Newark International Airport
iombine Head Transport-
Round rest bar allows
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Adjustable to move or store
any size combine heads
Adjustable head rest brackets & rest bars offer a choice for different size heads
Optional adjustable step down tongue
Wagon Gears- Models 603, 606,
806, 1086, 1286 & 1288
• Designed for heavy payloads
• Large reinforced spindles & oversi
• Tapered roller bearings assure loai
stability on road or field
• All models allow a choice of narroi
wide rim wheels
• Convenient rear hitch
• 4 models with adjustable tongue
Knott & Gelebert, Inc
Frederick MD • 301/662 3800
Longeneckers, Inc
Williamsburg PA • 814/793 3731
Marshall Machinery
Honesdale PA* 717/729 7117
Meyers Implement, Inc
Greencastle PA • 717/597 2176
Morris International
Everett PA *Bl4/652-6101
Dairy
'got
Campaign
In Local
Pikeville Equipment
Oley PA* 215/987 6277
Ralph Kyle
Mercer PA* 412/748 4300
R4W Equipment
Carlisle PA* 717/243 2686
Scheffel Equipment
Somerset PA • 814/445-6500
Stoltzfua Farm Sarvlca
Cochranville PA*2l5/593 2407
C’mon you don’t want us to
spoil the story do you? But, trust
us, it has the potential to set
new box-office records. Show up
at the premier wearing your
milk mustache, and we’ll give
you a reduced ticket rate.
So please turn down the
lights. And pass the popcorn.
“Now, one upon a time in a
Big Barn...”
Farmer's
milk?'
Optimized
Markets
•Route 3,
Meadowlands
•Interstate 78, near exit 14
•US Highway 9, in Old Bridge
Pennsylvania
•Interstate 81, near Dickson
City
•Scranton Expressway, North of
7th Street
• Routes 6 and 11 Clarks
Summit
To make a stronger impact in
highly populated cities, ADADC
will run billboards on city buses
in Rochester, Manhattan, and
Nassau and Suffolk countries on
Long Island Customizing the
dairy farmer's "got milk?" cam
paign for residents of New York
City. ADADC has also created
billboards in Spanish. They also
will run throughout the five bor
oughs.
ADADC is a promotion and
advertising agency representing
dairy producers in New York,
New Jersey, and Northeastern
Pennsylvania.
Triple H Equipment
.Peach Bottom PA* 717/548 3775
Umbergers o( Fontana
Lebanon PA *717/867 5161
Waltamyar’s Sales & Service, Inc
Red Lion PA* 717/244 4168
Zimmerman Farm Service
Bethel PA* 717/933 4114
near the