OH TO BE IN
SEVENTH GRADE AGAIN
A couple of weeks ago I
attended my youngest son’s
seventh-grade open house. This
was a great time for students and
parents to meet the teachers and
become familiar with the school
layout. While sitting in the audi
torium listening to the high school
principal speaking (I know I
should have been listening to him,
but my mind was wondering), I
couldn’t help but wonder what the
other parents were thinking. Were
they thinking about their first day
of seventh grade? During parents
programs I often ask parents to
shut their eyes and take a journey
back in time to when they were in
seventh grade. We travel with our
minds beginning at home in the
morning, through the school day,
and back home again. I ask
parents to think about the smells,
the colors, the sounds, and the
sights. How did they feel when
they got home from school? Who
were their friends? If you want to
get in touch with what your ado
lescent is thinking and feeling,
take this memory trip. You’d be
surprised as to how quickly you’ll
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experiencing.
The principal was still talking
when my mind shifted from
parents to the students —the class
of 2003. Seventh grade is a
wondrous time for adolescent
development The most obvious
change we see in adolescents is
their physical development. It is
an understatement to say that their
bodies are changing in leaps and
bounds. Sometimes, though we
often overlook the cognitive,
social, and emotional develop
ment changes. These are just as
important as the physical changes.
These are the changes that usually
drive parents crazy because they
come in the form of eyes rolling,
slamming doors, endless phone
conversations, and back talking to
just name a few.
One of the most interesting
things that I observed at the open
house was the student interaction.
A lot of the girls automatically got
into cliques with students they
already knew. They would put
their heads together and then one
or more would turn and smile at a
boy sitting with his parent. A
quick blush would flash across his
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face and he would quickly look
their way, but not lingering too
long or else he wouldn't be cool.
When the schedules were hand
ed out, students that knew each
other clung together in hopes of
finding a schedule match.
“Yes!” one boy exclaimed, “I
have gym and lunch with you!"
Forget the social studies and
math, his only concern was having
a friend to be with during the most
social times of the day. This is a
normal reaction for adolescents.
This is the stage when they want
more than anything to be like
everyone else even when they find
themselves the least alike. Think
about this a minute. It’s like taking
your daughter shopping and she
wants what everyone else has, but
she doesn't want the same thing.
(If you have a teenage daughter
you’ve encountered this phe
nomenon, but you didn’t quite
understand it. As a parent of ado
lescents, you have to soon realize
that logical thinking isn’t always
the cognitive mode.) I usually
shrug it off as a part of this stage
of development.
Because puberty follows an
individualized biological timet
able, your adolescent is in a hold
ing pattern waidng for his or her
physical changes. Wouldn't you
feel like you’re on an emotional
roller coaster too if you didn’t
know when different parts of your
body would start or even stop
growing? I am sure at least one
seventh grader in that auditorium
silently questioned, “Am I nor
mal? Am I like everyone else?”
As we traveled down the hall to
work our way through the sche
dule, all of a sudden my son disap
peared. I looked around and saw
other parents who too had
been deserted. I quickly
remembered the three
hard truths that all
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parents must accept about adoles
cents (there are more that we’ll
discuss at another time):
•They don’t want to be seen
with their parents.
•They see being close to, or
reliant on, their parents as
“babyish..”
•They often choose friends
over family.
I said sarcastically to another
abandoned parent standing beside
me, “Boy, wasn’t it great going
through the schedule with our
kids. It certainly made me feel
much more secure about the first
day of school!”
Another parent exclaimed, “I’ll
bet they all went for the refresh
ments. They’ll be back when the
food is gone." He was right My
son showed up a few minutes later
and said not to bother going to the
cafeteria, the food was about all
gone. Oh yes, he also noted that he
needed to complete his task of
meeting his teachers. (Eating
seems to be a boy’s first priority in
this stage of development fill
the stomach and the mind will tag
along.)
As we approached each teacher,
my son reassured each one that he
was nothing like his older brother,
but was more like his older sister.
I guess he felt that this was a good
way to prevent any negative
expectations any teacher may
have just because he does look a
lot like his brother. (His sister
always told teachers that her cou
sin was her sister and that her old
er brother was her cousin. It’s
tough being the younger sibling.
They’ll do what they have to do to
survive an older sibling’s legacy.)
I was amused when one parent
standing alone and shaking his
head said to me, “You know I just
don’t understand teenagers. I took
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my oldest daughter to visit a col
lege that was a five-hour drive one
way. I was happy and excited to
take her. To my dismay, in five
hours time she uttered less than a
dozen words to me. On the way
back, she just sat and cried. I was
speechless. I didn’t know what to
think.”
We patted his back, and shared
in his parental pain. As parents of
adolescents, it’s hard to know
when to back off and leave them
alone. Then again, it becomes a
fine line when to say enough is
enough. Welcome aboard the ado
lescent roller coaster they’re in
the front seat and you’re in the
back hanging on by your
fingernails.
I am sure that all parents that
attended the open house have
hopes and dreams for their child
ren. Many are proud that they
have given them advantages they
never had; others are determined
that they can prevent them from
making the mistakes they made.
Seventh grade seems to be the
gateway to adulthood and the
catapult towards becoming a
teenager.
What can the seventh grade
parents expect from their adoles
cents this year? Putting moodi
ness, sulking, privacy, and short
tempers aside (these ate givens),
parents can expect them to be like
the caterpillar becoming a beauti
ful butterfly developing each in
his or her own time. A word of
advice for parents is to stay
involved school is the heart of
the social world your child has
now become a member. Don't
drop your membership role as a
parent You're the person that they
most desperately need now
regardless of how they act and the
things they say.
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