Taking Time
by
Lehigh Co.
Extension Agent
Rebecca Escott
Taming Tempers
Temper tantrums those often
embarrassing, yet quite normal,
outbursts of frustration that tod
dlers and preschoolers seem to dis
play at the most inopportune
times! What can parents do to limit
frustration and stay sane?
Jane Brooks, parenting author,
writes about toddlers, “We are
pleased by their achievements,
intrigued by their verbal observa
tions, and sometimes outraged by
their stubbornness.”
One of a toddler’s main goals is
to develop autonomy or indepen
dence. These youngsters want to
show some control over their lives.
They do this by asserting their
wills saying “No,” turning from
food or resisting dressing. Parents
also hear toddlers declaring, “Me
do it.” or “Come now!” This
assertiveness turns to frustration
when the child can’t accomplish
what she set out to do.
Researcher Florence Goode
nough has studied tantrums. She
says they usually peak in frequen
cy during the child’s second year
and that they are most likely to
occur when the child is hungry,
tired, or ill. With younger children
these flare-ups tend to last less than
five minutes. They may last longer
with older children who sometimes
sulk or keep hard feelings. In order
to prevent some frustration, a par-
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ent should consider a child’s situa
tion when determining the day’s
schedule. If a child has an ear
infection and is tired, she is primed
for an outburst. In that case, it is
wise to put off any shopping trips
or restaurant stops that aren’t
absolutely necessary. Parents can
also take other steps to cope with
and reduce temper tantrums.
Techniques that Goodenough,
Haim Ginott, and other parenting
experts recommend include:
V Diverting the child’s atten
tion.
V Redirecting the child’s behav
ior verbally with a statement like,
“Scribble on this paper, not on the
wall.” or “People are not for hit
ting. Pillows are for hitting.”
V Ignoring the outburst.
V Listening carefully to the
child, restating the child’s feelings
in a way that shows care, reasoning
with the older child.
V Living by a regular schedule
for bedtime, meals, etc., and pro
viding a ten minute warning of an
activity change. -
V Removing the child from the
frustrating situation.
Gopdenough identified these
actions as ones used by parents
whose children displayed few
tantrums. In contrast, parents
whose children seemed to have
recurring tantrums resorted to less
effective methods of taming tern-
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pers like granting the toddler’s
desire, removing the source of
trouble, coaxing, and threatening.
.These parents tended to ignore the
child and her needs until the out
burst occurred.
To make managing tempers
even more complicated, some
researchers have categorized
tantrums. Children can use
tantrums to manipulate parents
into giving them what they want.
They also have tantrums when
they suddenly feel out of control.
These two types of tantrums
require different approaches. The
first is often handled by ignoring.
The second demands quiet listen
ing, caring and stating of feelings.
It can be exhausting for the parent
to deal with.
When a child has a temper
tantrum in public, the parent may
also feel uncomfortable, suspect
ing that onlookers are critiquing
her parenting skills and assessing
her as cruel or incompetent, unlov
ing or unfair. The reality is that
most on-looking parents will be
sympathetic remembering a time
or two when they themselves expe
rienced a similar exasperating
event.
Finding successful ways to
tame a child’s temper takes time —
time to know each child and his
needs, time every day to review
rules and provide advance notices
in order to avoid confrontations,
and time to listen and understand
this tiny person’s frustration and
anger.
I know occasionally “big peo
ple" need that same time, advance
notice, and respect. As much as
we’d like to deny it, even adults
can slip into tantrums some
times when we’re hungry, tired or
sick just like our two-year olds.
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Reasons To
FLEMINGTION, N.J. Dis
cover the special pleasures of
growing herbs—include them in
this year’s garden plans. A few
plants tucked among the flowers
and vegetables is a good way to
start.
Herbs are annual, biennial, and
perennial species, vast in number,
that have been deemed valuable
for certain uses —scent, flavor,
tpedicine, and dyes being most
important. Herbs have been col
lected or grown for centuries and
their history is intriguing.
For example, dill, which today
is used almost exclusively as a
culinary herb, was used to crown
heros and adorn banquet halls in
ancient Greek and Roman times.
In the past it has variously been
used to induce sleep, to combat
witches, to thwart the “evil eye”
and for various medicinal purpos
es. Try the 1992 AAS winner
‘Fernleaf dill, a compact variety.
Parsley, too, has a more varied
history than its present, mainly
culinary use suggests. Parsley was
used in funeral ceremonies, to
honor athletes and to invigorate
race horses by the ancient Greeks.
It was important in medieval med
icine, even as a treatment for
plague. ‘Triple Moss’ and ‘Forest
Green’ are curly varieties recom
mended for New Jersey gardens.
‘Dark Green Italian’ is a good
choice for cooking.
Mint has an extensive history
of use though it is now most
important for flavoring and gar
nish, especially in Mediterranean
and Middle Eastern cuisines.
Through the ages mint has been
used for tax payments, in religious
rituals, as an antidote to sea ser-
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pent sting, for bathing, as a body
rub, to “purify” drinking water, for
strewing, to repel insects and to
treat medical problems including
mad dog bites and hiccups. Mints
are available in an endless variety
of ‘flavors’ and foliage types. Try
a curly-leaf mint (M. crispa) for
strong flavor and unusual appear
ance. Corsican mint, a very small
creeping plant, though not reliably
hardy, is an interesting addition to
the herb garden.
Today, herbs arc grown mainly
for flavor, scent and ornament
(and, perhaps, history!) adding an
extra dimension to the garden. In
general, herbs need full sun, well
drained soil, and a pH ground 6.5,
the same as for most vegetables
and flowers. There are a few that
like partial shade. Most prefer a
light hand with fertilizer and tend
to be relatively pest free. Many of
the most popular culinary and fra
grance herbs are readily available
as seeds or plants. Select those that
you (or someone you know) use,
read about them and try growing
them yourself.
Even if you don’t use herbs,
many are very nice ornamentals so
don’t overlook them. Some of the
thymes make good edging or
ground cover plantings. Laven
ders, sages, and many others have
silvery foliage, an important com
ponent in flower garden design.
Some have attractive though, gen
erally, not showy, blooms. The
scents of herbs can be enjoyed
every time you work around them.
An avid herb grower once told
me her greatest pleasure was
weeding her garden! There are lots
of good reasons to grow herbs—
try it this year.
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