84-Lancaster Farming, Saturday, June 19, 1993
a farm
Joyce Bupp
-And other
hazards
Bruised. Black-n-bluc. Bat
tered. Bashed.
Abuse is a daily fact of life here
on the farm. The abuse inflicted
though real and sometimes
painful is not a criminal nature.
It’s professional abuse. Cow
abuse or rather, our abuse at the
hands, er, feet, tails, heads, horn
stubs, etc. of our bovine friends.
A scab healing on my left knee
cap marks a recent abuse incident,
inflicted by Pokey. Pokey is a
young cow, nearing the end of her
first lactation of milking. When
she calved for the first time many
months ago, Pokey was not
thrilled about the milking process,
accepting it as an inconvenience
in exchange for the tons of feed
she stows away. Some days,
Pokey danced around. Other
times, she lifted her right foot and
impolitely removed the source of
distraction that took her attention
from mbhlinu down feed.
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As do most young first-time
milking heifers. Pokey settled into
the routine. She now lives up to
her name, dawdling around the
dairy bam before entering her stall
and lounging around when it’s
time to be milked. She is relatively
cooperative about the whole pro
cess, except for her habit of inch
ing her back end over to hog up
stall space from her neighbor and
mess it up.
While inching around a few
evenings ago, Pokey managed to
jiggle the milkers loose before she
was finished being milked out.
When I moved to reattach them,
Pokey lightning fast with an
unexpected mule-like rear kick
nailed my kneecap. I limped
away, victimized once again by
cow abuse.
Pam, our afternoon co-milker,
regularly suffers a different sort of
abuse from our Ango cow. Ango
is a lover, an affectionate, friend-
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ly, puppy-dog kind of cow.
She chews on milkers. Human
milkers, that is.
Ango has a stretch tongue, one
which can reach your hair, your
hat, your elbow, your face, and
constantly tries to lick your head
while you wash and prep her for
milking. If a hat’s not handy to
grab, well, there’s always hair.
Pam’s long, dark hair is a perfect
target for Ango’s over-eager
affections.
While there’s no proof, we have
long suspected that the herd milk
ing veterans, on occasion while t
looking to be innocently lounging
around the meadow, are actually
holding anti-social behavioural
pattern seminars for the first-calf
heifers.
One technique they surely teach
is head bashing.
Head bashing, on the surface, is
a display that masquerades as
affection and friendliness but with
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macho overtones. It lakes place
when the cows are being lied into
the stalls. Such regular, everyday
handling helps keep cows tame; it
also offers them golden head
bashing opportunities.
Just as you fasten her neck
string to the fastening hook, a
headbasher swings her big, bone
hard-head against your arm and
elbow with a solid whack. Most
successful are those girls that have
a small section of hom which for
whatever reason was not com
pletely removed in her callhood
days. A hom stub is a bruise
inflicting weapon. A full horn,
complete with point, is downright
dangerous.
Even more fun for cows, it
seems, is the “sandwich
maneuver.”
The sandwich maneuver is a
team effort, in which the human
interacting with the cows is put in
die position of a piece of bologna
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Short of passing a law (no, no,
not more laws! against cow abuse,
victims of this professional hazard
have little recourse, save being on
constant alert to prevent
occurrence.
Suits of armor for milking are
just too awkward.
Besides, they’d soon rust with
the “showers” those girls occa
sionally rain on us.
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wedged between two hunks of roll
or at least two big hunks of cow
hindquarter.
Cows usually two of the big
gest in the herd turn in opposite
direction simultaneously, catching
the human in the middle between
two heavy butt ends. Result ranges
anywhere from the human expell
ing a breathless “Oooofff!” sound
to limping off with bruised ribs.
(The person, not the cows.)
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President