816-Lancaster Farming, Saturday, November 9, 1991
Seminar Teaches About Families Under Seige
LOU ANN GOOD
Lancaster Farming Staff
MECHANICSBURG (Cumber
land Co.) “The family is under
seige,” Dr. James Van Horn told
those who attended the seminar on
Building Strong Families, held at
the Holiday Inn, Mechanicsburg,
on November 1.
Dr. Van Horn, who was the key
note speaker, teaches and writes
about rural family stresses and
strengths for Penn State.
A slight-built man with glasses,
Dr. Van Horn, who has five child
ren ranging in ages from 12 to 21,
is a witty story teller who illus
trated his talk with antidotes of
families under stress.
‘There are significant changes
not only in the structure of the fam
ily but also in the norms whereby
we live,” Dr. Van Horn said.
“Whether we subscribe to the
changes or not, they are occurring.
Stress accompanies these changes
because people do not what is
expected of them.”
Add to the changes are figures
that show that two-thirds of first
marriages will end in divorce. In
addition is the quest for time.
Dr. Van Horn gave the example
of a male and female who walk up
to the door side by side. “There was
a time, when the man could have
two grocery bags in his hands and
somehow he was expected to grab
Learn-At-Home Programs Offered
The following educational
leam-at-home programs are being
offered from Penn State Coopera
tive Extension.
Learn-At-Home: Program
packages for busy people to sub
scribe for a minimal shipping and
handling charge. These leam-at
home programs may also be
picked up at the office with no
charge.
Celebrate Your Family/
Young Family - strengthening
families with young children,
includes activities for interacting
and discussion: planning for a spe
cial activity, create a collage of
feelings, speak in pastels, “ima
gine if...”, make a family motto,
and more. Cost: $2.
9 To 5 Survival - Four lessons
to teach kids how to be safe when
alone, at home. There are ideas for
snacks, instruction for simple clo
thing repair, fire safety, and safe
practices for emergencies. Cost;
$2.
Children In Your Care/In
Your Home - six lessons filled
with activities, children’s safety,
tax tips and various topics of con
cern to Care Givers. Cost: $2.
Celebrate Your Family/
Teenagers - learn to build under
standing skills with the develop
ing adolescent; how to create
opportunities for sharing; how
each family member gains respect
for others in the family; and to
build in time to be together, and
more. Cost: $2.
Celebrate Your Marriage -
activities and discussion to build
strengths for middle-age couples.
Topics include: Look at our Mar
riage, Develop a Survival Scheme,
Caring Style, Mid-Life Transition,
Resolving Conflict, and more.
Cost: $2.
Family After 40 - six booklets
discussing Communication Skills,
Physical Well-Being, Emotional
Changes, Financial Help, Giving
and Receiving Help, and Living
Arrangements. Cost $2.
the door handle with his little fin
ger and open it because that was the
proper and expected behavior in
that era. Today, neither the man or
woman are sure who will open the
door.
“If the couple hold to tradition,
the male will lunge for the door and
the female will step back. In
another situation, the female will
practically put her fist through the
door because she is going to assert
herself.”
Each of those situations illus
trate the 20 percent at each end of
the spectrum.
“In between are a whale of a lot
of people who walk up to a door
and wonder what to do,” said Dr.
Van Horn.
Situations such as these cause
problems in marriages and with
children because people do not
have clear set of expectations laid
out for them. This causes tremend
ous anxiety. What am I supposed to
be doing? Lay on that pressure the
enormous pressure of time.
The big issue in the ’9os is dis
cretionary time and the pressures
that people feel, Dr. Van Horn
believes.
“If anyone ran for Congress on
the platform that they would create
the eighth day of the week, they
would probably win,” Dr. Van
Horn surmised.
Question of diversity also cre-
Celebrate Your Family
Through Stories - for all agge
families. This learn-at-home prog
ram helps build self-esteem. Cost:
$2.
Celebrate Your Family
Through Recreation • for all
ages of families. Helps for using
recreational activities to strength
en family life. Cost $2.
Celebrate Your Family
Across Generations - This series
suggests ways to keep intergener
ational ties growing, for your fam
ily is a group to which you will
belong for your entire life. Cost:
$2.
Grandletters - bring grandpa
rents and grandchildren closer
together by an exchange of letters
and simple handmade materials
that share thoughts, feelings, and
experiences through the genera
tions. Cost: $1.50.
To Live At Home Or Note -
helps son, daughters, and parents
review their options when consid
ering a joint or separate house
hold. Guide reveals issues to be
dicussed candidly - privacy,
respect, expectations in an
integcncrated living arrangement.
Cost: $l.
When Adult Children Live At
Home - guidebook for families
who have already made the deci
sion to share a household. Helps
suggested for a planning meeting
to discuss personal needs, home
management issues, and ways to
maintain harmony. Cost $l.
Your New Life... Alone - A
scries of letters to help recently
widowed, divorced, and separated
adults cope more effectively with
their emotions and daily responsi
bilities. Cost: $2.
Creative Vegetable Cookery -
a scries of six lessons emphasizes
increasing the variety of veget
ables you cat; provides cooking
tips and recipe;, and explains the
connection between diet and
cancer. (Because of correspon
dence between the user and the
office, this program has a set fee.)
Cost: $5.
ates enormous problems in this
country.
“We are moving close to a caste
system. We have frozen people in
poverty, and are close to establish
ing a formal or informal caste-like
system that is creating
helplessness.
“One in five kids is in poverty.
In rural communities, we have 25
percent of children living in fami
lies at or below the poverty line,”
Dr. Van Horn said.
“We are dealing with an adverse
set of family structures where 25
percent of children live in single
families.
When two-thirds of marriages
end in divorce, real-life kids feel
“The Lite Eating Guide” ■
leam-at-home to recognize diffe
rent types of fats; what foods con
tain fats and cholesterol; under
stand how food labels can help
you eat lite, and how to eat lite in
fast food restaurants. Cost: $2.
Available At No Cost: Enroll to
receive these newletters.
Accent On Families: Bi-
Monthly newsletters to Cumber
land and Dauphin County Home
makers written by extension home
economists. Topics include con
sumer issues, articles on nutrition
and food safety, parenting and
child care, the home environment,
and ideas to help the sandwich
generation cope.
Dear Mother/Dear Father -
ni-monthly newsletter to parents
of children ages 2 to 7.
Toddler Topics - Lcarn-at
home program for families with
children ages 2 to 6. Four part
series distributed in the spring of
the year.
Dear Parent • monthly news
letter to parents of children 8 to 15
years old.
Off To A Good Start - A two
year leam-at-home program for
the parents of newborns. It is age
graded and discusses all facets of
the infant and family life during
the first 24 months. Indicate birth
dale of child. ■
Keeping Up - a monthly news
letter for seniors with information
about housing, safety, nutrition,
tax tips, intergenerational relation
ships, lips for shopping and more.
To receive any of the above
programs, send your choice(s)
along with your name, address,
phone, and amount to cither:
Penn State Cooperative
Exlcnsion-Cumberland County,
1100 Claremont Rd., Carlisle, PA
17013. Checks payable to: Exten
sion Service Special Fund.
—OR—
Penn State Cooperative
Extension-Dauphin County, 1451
Peters’ Mountain Rd., Dauphin,
PA 17018. Checks payable to:
Agri. Extension Special Fund.
“There are pressures on farm families that urban families
don't have and vice versa. Farm families are less inclined to
seek professional help and are notorious for denying family
stresses.” said Dr. Van Horn, who writes a column on mar
riage and family strengths, which appears in 90
newspapers.
the stress of divorce. And the num
ber of hours that mothers spend in
attorney offices is astronmical try
ing to get child support.
“A lot of kids don’t have
parents.
In addition, Dr. Van Horn said
that white American does not know
how to deal with cultures from
other backgrounds.
“We have a white privilege that
we drag through life. If a white pro
fessional is at home and dressed in
woodworking clothes when he
needs to take his child with a cut on
the face to an emergency room, the
white American merely tells the
hospital admissions clerk that the
child fell down the steps. Because
the professional has insurance, he
can zip right in and out of the hos
pital. Take same situation, same
iry jql. jgi , igm, . irpersoi. ihe
seminar, said “We hope to learn to network to serve families
better. We (Penn State Extension) don’t need to get all the
credit as long as families are being helped.” Kay Pickering,
housing counselor, Is on the left.
Agnes Martlnko, education Ph.D, left, explains the per
sonality variances that are within families to Herb Bomber
ger of Salem U.C.C.
dress, same kids, but have a black
or Asian American who has no
insurance, has an accent, and that
parents is highly suspect of child
abuse.
“In the ’9os, we must deal with
differences, honor differences, and
understand them. To do otherwise
in families is to do a tremendous
inservice to the world,” Dr. Van
Horn said.
One reason, children get short
changed is that they are not at the
top of the list. Work and recreation
takes precedence over a child’s
place in the family.
Advocates parents spending
uninterrupted time with children
and teens. “Parents should appear
so busy that they don’t have time to
spend with their children.
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