814-Lancaster Farming, Saturday, February 23, 1991
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“The secret to being popular and appreciated Is to make others feel valued,” said
Barbara Emery, who teaches seminars on social development and self Image.
“Appreciation is the greatest human need next to food, shelter, and clothing.”
Barbara Emery Teaches Others
How To Be Well-Liked,
LOU ANN GOOD
Lancaster Farming Staff
LANCASTER (Lancaster Co.)
So, you want to be well-liked,
popular, and appreciated?
Barbara Emery knows how to
become all these things and more.
She holds seminars to teach others
good manners that will enhance
their career and social develop
ment.
The secret to becoming popular
is really making others feel valued.
“Appreciation is the greatest
human need next to food, shelter,
and clothing needs,” she said.
Make the other person feel val
ued by using their name, maintaing
eye contact, and leaning slightly
forward while listening.
To be well-liked, you must
make a good impression. Studies
show that 90 percent of the opin
ions formed about a person hap
pens in the first 30 seconds of
introduction.
To make a good first impress
ion, Emery teaches what she calls
the Rule of 12.
“The most important 12-inches
is from your neck up make sure
you have a smile on your face; the
first 12 words spoken when you
first meet a friend should reflect
appreciation; and the first 12 steps
taken reflect a positive self-image.
When you first greet a person,
words should express appreciation
such as “I’m so glad you invited
me” or “I’m so glad to meet you.”
To reflect a positive self-image,
one should walk into the room with
chin parallel with the floor and
shoulders back. Look your hostess
m the eye and offer a firm
handshake.
The key lo making others feel
valued includes the following:
• Learn lo listen with sincere
interest. This is hard work and can
not be faked.
• Ask questions that encourage
others to talk about themselves and
their interests. Start with how,
what, where, and when.
• Don’t criticize or embarrass
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others with your comments. Apo
logize if you do.
• Smile. Keep a pleasant
expression on your face and ani
mation in your voice.
• Allow others to express opin
ions, even when they are different
from yours. Allow others to be
right.
• Never gossip. Be an encoura
ger, not a discourager.
Manners matter
You can say all the right things
and ruin it by what you do.
“Manners matter,” Emery stres
ses. “People who project poise,
correct manners, and social skills
have more impact than those who
do not.”
Recently during a dinner held by
a large corporation, Emery dined
at the head banquet table. The
woman next to her used her fork to
slice butter after she had had it in
her mouth.
“Because the diners were polite,
they pretended they did not notice,
but no one took butter after that,”
Emery said. “I’m sure she lost a lot
of credibility with that action.”
Unfortunately, most people
grow up ignoring many of the
manners their mothers taught
them. Teenagers in the 1960 s espe
cially paid little attention to man
ners. Now, many of those who are
now adults, seek Emery for advice.
Etiquette includes:
• Place your napkin on your lap
after the blessing and the hostess
places her napkin on her lap, not
before.
• Dinner napkins should be
folded in half when placed on your
lap.
• If you need to leave the table
temporarily, during the meal, place
your napkin on your chair.
• Don’t place your napkin on the
table until you are ready to leave it.
Then fold it; don’t leave it in a
crumbled heap.
• Always break your bread-or
roll in half.
• Do not cut more than two
Popular
pieces of meat at a time.
• Remove unedible seeds and
gristle the same way that you put
the food in your mouth. If you put
an olive in with your fingers,
remove the pit with your fingers
and put it under a lettuce leaf. If
you used a fork for your meat,
remove the gristle with your fork.
People make value judgements
on what they see. And what they
see isn’t always pleasant although
they may be too polite to tell you.
Style, not fashion
In 10 years of teaching semi
nars, Emery said that she has
observed that the majority of
women have a poor self image.
“Although raising a family is a
wonderful opportunity, it is no ego
trip. Mothers often deprive them
selves for the children’s sakes.
They don’t want to spend money
on self-improvement courses.”
Emery is an image consultant,
but she said that she does not teach
fashion, but principles for dressing
in style. “Principles on dressing to
look taller and thinner will never
change, but fashions will,” she
said.
‘Those on a limited income
really need to -know how to build
their wardrobe with two to three
colors." When they leant how to
acquire different looks by adding a
scarf, or jewelry or a jacket, they
can save a lot of money on their
wardrobe and simplify life.
When shopping for herself,
Emery said that she doesn’t buy
anthing unless she can get at least
three different looks from the same
outfit. She encourages her client
to do .the same.
“Leadership, self confidence
and control are learned skills that
can, and should, be consistent with
inside values and worth,” Emery
said. “I enjoy helping people help
themselves.”
Write to Barbara Emery at 1062
Huffman Place, Lancaster, PA
17601 or call (717) 394-4603.
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See your nearest
INEW HOLLAND
Dealer for Dependable
Equipment and
Dependable Service:
PENNSYLVANIA
Annvllla, PA
BHM Farm
Equipment, Inc.
RDI, Rte. 934
717-867-2211
Beaverlown, PA
B&R Farm
Equipment, Inc.
RD 1, Box 2t7A
717-658-7024
Carlisle, PA
R&W Equipment Co.
35 East Willow Street
717-243-2686
Davldaburg, PA
George N. Gross, Inc.
fI.D. 2, Dover, PA
717-292-1673
Elizabethtown, PA
Messick Farm
Equipment, Inc.
Rt. 263 - Rheem's Exit
717-367-1319
Gettysburg, PA
Yingling Implements,
Inc.
3291 Taneytown Rd.
717-359-4848
Greencastls, PA
Meyers
Implement's Inc.
400 N. Antrim Way
P.O. Box 97
717-597-2176
Halifax, PA
Sweigard Bros.
R.D. 3, Box 13
717-896-3414
Hamburg, PA
ShaiHesville
Farm Service
R.D. 1. Box 1392
215-488-1025
Honey Brook, PA
Dependable Motor Co.
East Main Street
215-273-3131
215-273-3737
Honay Grow, PA
Norman D. Clark
& Son, Inc.
Honey Grove, PA
717-734-3682
Hughasvllle, PA
Farnsworth Farm
Supplies, Inc.
103 Cemetery Street
717-584-2106
New Holland, PA
A.B.C. Groff, Inc.
110 South Railroad
717-354-4191
Oley, PA
CJ. Wonsidler Bros
R.D 2
215-987-6257
Pitman, PA
Schreffler Equipment
Pitman, PA
717-648-1120
Quakertown, PA
C.J. Wonsidler Bros.
R.D, 1
215-536-1935
Rlngtown, PA
Ringtown Farm
Equipment
Ringtown, PA
717-889-3184
Tamaqua, PA
Charles S. Snyder, Im
R.D. 3
717-386-5945
West Grove, PA
S.G. Lewis & Son, Im
R.D. 2, Box 66
215-869-2214
MARYLAND
Churchvllle, MD
Walter G. Coate, Inc.
2849-53
Churchvllle Rd
301-838-6470
Frederick, MD
Ceresville
Ford New Holland, Inc.
Rt. 26 East
301-662-4197
Outside MD,
800-331-9122
Hagerstown, MD
Antietam Ford Tractor
301-791-1200
NEW JERSEY
Bridgeton, N.J.
Leslie G. Fogg, Inc.
Canton & Stow Creek
Landing Rd.
609-451-2727
609-935-5145
Washington, NJ
Smith Tractor &
Equip., Inc.
15 Hillcrest Ave
201-689-7900
Woodstown, NJ
Owen Supply Co.
Broad Street &
East Avenue
609-769-0308