On being
a farm wife
-And other
hazards
Joyce Bupp
Remember good ole’ Murphy?
He’s the guy who authored
those unofficial - but ultimately
reliable - Laws of goof-ups, the
golden one being “Anything that
can go wrong, will.”
With each additional passing
year here on the farm, my respect
for the accuracy of Murphy’s wis
dom doubles. So, you can imagine
my delight at finding a rundown of
some of Murph’s rules, as applied
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hi provinces
to farming, on one of the many
new calendars to land on my kitch
en table a few weeks back. Unfor
tunately, I ripped out the rules, and
neglected to keep track of which
particular calendar they originated
in.
Nevertheless, with due credit to
whichever ag-business deserves it
for printing these, some of these
Murphy specials are worth passing
along.
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“Preciseplanning, minute atten
tion to ' detail, and exact timing
never succeed like dqmb luck.”
From a farm point of view, and in
light of the weather of the past few
growing seasons, I figure a well
timed inch of rain is equal to a
month’s worth of dumb luck.
"By faithfully working eight
hours a day, you may eventually be
successful enough to work 12
hours a day.” Or during planting
season, make that 16 hours a day.
“Nothing is as easy as it looks.”
Especially if it’s been
computerized.
“Once you open a can of worms,
the only way to recan them is to use
a larger can.” The farmer vouches
for this one each time he sets out to
repair a small leak on our copper
water pipes in the basement. Even
tually our copper “can of worms”
will be totally replaced with plas
tic, which offers greater durability
against our high-acid water.
“Leftover nuts never match lef
tover bolts.” The same principles
which in kitchen use apply to plas
tic containers and lids.
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LancasEr-Farmmg; "SgMftftyrTiWary ~-fl;'i96B-~B5 —
“Implement dealers always lack
just one part - yours.” It’s probably
sitting on a shipping dock some
where in Cleveland, and is the one
you’ll send your unsuspecting wife
to pick up for you.
“Any tool, when dropped, will
roll into the least accessible comer
of the machine shed.” The likeli
hood it will connect with big toe on
the way down doubles with every
ounce of tempered steel weight
contained in the tool.
“Any discrepancy in your bank
statement will not be in your
favor.” This applies no doubt to
not only farmers, but the entire
adult population of the world.
Only once, years ago, did I catch a
bank in error.
“Nothing ever gets built on
schedule or within budget” Run
ning even farther ahead of farmers
in perfectly this law of Murph’s is
the Department of Defense and
NASA.
“There’s always one more bug.”
It will generally buzz your ear just
as you’re falling asleep some mug
gy August night.
We’ve specialized on a few of
Murphy’s laws around here.
For instance, the night the
100-watt bulb, which keeps the
calf bam sink pipes from freezing,
goes kaput, is the night the temper
ature will drop to minus two
Maryland Horseman’s
Party Slated
For Feb.
COLLEGE PARK, MD. The
Second Annual Maryland Horse
man’s Party will be held at the
Laurel Sports Palace on Feb. 20 at
7:00 pm. The proceeds will benefit
the Sallie Robertson Endowment
Fund that supports the 4-H Horse
Project and program. Last year’s
Horse Hoedown was such a suc
cess that the idea has been
expanded. This fun filled evening
will include dinner, dancing and
games. There will also be both a
Breaking old
habits can make
sense.
Year after year, some insurance policies
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Box S, Hcrshey, PA 17033 (717) 272-6693
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AGENCY R.D. 2
Box 337 Sugarloaf, PA 18249
Wyalusing, PA 18853 (717) 3844461
(717) 746-1007
degrees by nfioming:
And, the number of people you
meet when running an emergency
errand to town will increase two
fold for every patch on the ratty old
bam jeans you didn’t change for
the trip.
The tines section of a hay fork
will only disconnect from the
handle when it’s being used to toss
a huge bundle of loose hay into a
sticky-manure bedding pack in a
dark comer of the bam.
Your friends from town will
drop by just as you emerge from
the bam after retrieving the above
mentioned tines-section of the
fork.
Farmers only ask to borrow their
wives newly-cleaned cars when
they’ve collected a half-inch of
mud (or whatever) on the soles of
their boots and a thick layer of com
dust on their insulated coveralls.
When your deep-pedigreed,
high-producing cow finally has a
heifer calf, it will be a twin to a
bull, and therefore lack a complete
reproductive system.
While they were never Constitu
tionalized, legislated, or debated at
a public environmental impact
hearing, we nevertheless seem
stuck with Murphy’s philosophies.
At least he makes a great
scapegoat.
20
live and a silent auction featuring
all kinds of items, many of which
will be of special interest to horse
lovers.
Tickets to this extravaganza are
$20.00 and are available through
the Maryland 4-H Club Founda
tion, Symons Hall, University of
Maryland, College Park, MD
(454-3736), the Maryland Horse
Breeders Association (252-2100)
and Horse Committee members.