Tuns and parents
(Continued from Page B 14)
idealistic about life. As a result,
parents, who may subtly envy
their youthful children, may find it
difficult to help insecure children
with self-concept.
When these life changes occur
simultaneously in a family, there
may be a heightening anxiety,
impatience, frustration, and
misunderstanding between
egocentric parents and
adolescents in conflict with
themselves and each other, Cherry
explains.
“Just when parents are feeling
that they may be losing their
vitality, health, and physical at
tractiveness, their children are
approaching their peaks,” Cherry
points out. As a result, many
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parents may experience a blend ot
envy, resentment, rivalry, guilt,
and yet have pride in their
children.
“Our society is so youth-oriented
that many middle-aged adults feel
that they are no longer attractive
because they are not youthful,”
says Cherry, a senior Cooperative
Extension associate in the New
York State College of Human
Ecology at Cornell University.
During middlescence, parents
also may admit that they’re too old
to change their lives very much
and become increasingly aware of
unfulfilled dreams and bad
decisions. They may become even
more frustrated if they feel that
their children are not taking full
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advantage of the multitude of
opportunities open to them.
Conflicts in the family also may
increase during a child’s
adolescence because differences in
child-rearing attitudes of the
parents may peak at this time.
“If a mother has done most the
child-rearing, she may insist that
the father begin getting involved
when she becomes exasperated
with an adolescent,” states
Cherry. “When he finally does
something, though, it often isn’t
what she wanted. This can create
additional strain in the family.”
Cherry points out that by
stressing communication parents
can minimize family conflicts and
misunderstandings.
“If you can’t give your child the
support or caring that he or she
needs at any given moment, tell
the child that you need some time
for yourself but will be glad to talk
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about it later,” Cherry suggests.
Other suggestions include:
Be aware that you’re going
through change and that some of
your tensions and frustrations may
be coming from yourself and not
from your teenager.
Let your child be aware of
some of your stresses such as
family budgeting problems and
hassles at the office, being careful
not to overload your children with
problems they could not possibly
solve.
When you’re feeling good,
make a conscious effort to interact
socially with your teenager to keep
communication open and
flowing.
When you’re feeling down,
express that to your child.
Train yourself to listen to your
child although you may feel
preoccupied.
v.-' y - -
>**
Lancaster Farming, Saturday, September 1,1984—115
4-H Dairy Club
The Ayrshire, Jersey, and
Brown Swiss dairy club meeting
was recently held at the home of
Jules Kerdeman.
The group started off with a
picnic lunch, followed by a
business meeting and an update on
necessary preparations for the
District Dairy Show at Harrisburg.
A car wash fund raiser is
planned for September 8 from 10
a.m. to 3 p.m. at the home of
Kenneth Eshleman. The group will
also have a meeting that day.
After the meeting, the members
went swimming at Pinch PonjJ, Mt.
Gretna.
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Acknowledge that you are
listening, even though you may not
be able to respond at the moment.
Rather than give advice to
your adolescent, help him or her
understand the options and
probable consequences. Then, let
your child make the decision.
—lf you have to give your
teenager , a directive, be in
formative about why.
“If parents are aware of their
emotional and life-stage changes,
the interaction of the different
changes in the family actually can
result in greater understanding
and sharing,” concludes Cherry.
“It need not be a time of family
conflict.”