B2o—Lancaster Farming, Saturday, August 18,1984
BY SUZANNE KEENE
MANHEIM A mini-vacation is
better than no vacation and often
it’s the only kind of break that busy
farm families can find time to
take. Ag Progress Days, a three
day event held annually at Rock
Springs near the University Park
Campus of Penn State University,
offers the basic elements of such a
mini-vacation.
While Ag Progress Days, like all
good vacations, offers a change of
scenery and lots of delicious food,
the event goes one step further
than simply providing a good time
- it offers an opportunity to learn
what’s new in agriculture as well.
Donald Hershey, a Manheim
area farmer who has been at
tending Ag Progress Days for a
number of years, sees the event as
a good way to check out the latest
models of farm equipment while
taking a break from endless farm
chores.
“For the farmer, it’s like a
businessman’s convention,”
Hershey says. It’s a great way to
see what’s new; what’s working
and what isn’t, he adds.
Usually at least one member of
the Hershey family attends the
event, and sometimes, the whole
family goes. There are “a lot of
things that everybody in the whole
family can enjoy,” he notes.
Hershey and his two sons agree
that looking at the new equipment
3
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society’s attention goes to a
divorced mother, who usually
assumes day-to-day responsibility
for the care of her children. But the
noncustodial father also plays a
role in his children’s lives, says
University of Delaware extension
family and child development
specialist Dr. Patricia Tanner
Nelson. That role is far more
important and difficult than
most people realize.
After a divorce, must fathers
miss their children as much as
they miss him. Some fathers see
their new role as a sham, with few
functions or rewards.
They may try to escape the pain
of separation by withdrawing from
their former families, withholding
support payments, and neglecting
to call or visit. These hurt, angry
fathers may feel it matters little
how they treat their children.
However, a father’s continued
interest and involvement makes a
bigger difference to his children
than he may realize, says Nelson.
Children with supportive fathers
have higher self-esteem and
perform better in school than their
less-fathered classmates.
A very young child needs a
roan’s boisterous style of play as
well as a woman’s quieter style for
maximum intellectual develop
ment. Furthermore, children who
enjoy both parents' love and ap
proval as they grow older will
develop the self-assurance needed
to establish loving adult
relationships of their own.
How can a noncustodial father
meet the emotional needs of a child
he doesn’t see every day? It takes
work and practice, Nelson says,
but it can be done. Some men
Ag Progress Days make a good family mini-vacation
is something they all enjoy.
Everyone in Pennsylvania who
has an ag related product will be
displaying it at Ag Progress,
Hershey says. His wife, he con
tinues, terms the event “bellyache
day,” because he and his two sons
always come back bellyaching
about all the new equipment they
would like to have but can’t afford.
Last year the Hershey’s took
special notice of the “Ag Bag,” a
new way of storing silage in plastic
bags. While they did a lot of looking
and talking about the new process,
Hershey said, “We’re not doing it
ourselves.” But, if they had been
looking for a place to store extra
silage, they might have done more
than just look and talk, he con
tinued.
Also of special interest last year
were the computers, and once
again, the Hersheys did a lot of
looking and talking about them.
Hershey also enjoys looking at
the test fields, where new strains of
seed are tested. “I get as much
enjoyment from looking at the field
tests on com and alfalfa as I do
anything. I feel I can learn as
much there as anywhere,” Her
shey says, adding that he bases his
seed order for the coming year on
what he sees at Ag Progress.
For Hershey’s son, Larry, part
of the fun of Ag Progress is the
opportunity to visit with people he
doesn’t see too often. And, for his
Dimmed fathers (day crucial rele
actually become better fathers
after divorce because they have
new opportunities to spend time
alone with their children.
Fathers and children can
maintain contact through letters,
phone calls, and visits. With each
contact, a father can let his
children know he still cares about
them, and the divorce was not their
fault. Fathers who are involved in
their children’s lives after divorce
stay happier and healthier. Nelson
says, and their children do too.
Arriving on time for visits is one
way to reinforce a child’s trust.
Generally, Nelson says, shorter,
more frequent visits are
preferable to fewer, longer ones.
Fathers often try to make up for
the pain of a divorce by showering
visiting children with gifts and
special privileges. They don’t want
to mar their time together by
refusing a child’s demands.
But Nelson says it isn’t
necessary to treat children as
visiting dignitaries. Though
youngsters relish gifts and special
privileges, they really want their
father’s undivided attention and
the security of feeling welcome in
his home. For example one child
may be reassured from finding his
toothbrush in the same spot
whenever he visits his father.
Nelson says the most rewarding
visits are planned jointly by father
and child. Generally they include a
comfortable mix of ordinary and
special activities. Fathers needn’t
feel obligated to spend every
waking hour rushing from the zoo
to the amusement park to the
movies. On the other hand,
visitations are pointless if a father
merely leaves his children to their
own devices while he runs errands
sister, Patti, last year’s Lancaster
County alternate dairy princess,
Ag Progress was an opportunity to
meet new people as well.
For women whose patience
wears thin when the men spend too
much time inspecting the newest
tractors, Ag Progress offers
displays of the latest sewing
machines. Ruby Bollinger, a
Mapheim area farm wife, said she
saw the sewing machines at Ag
Progress one year, and soon had
one for herself.
Bollinger and her family attend
the event every year. “I’m ad
dicted to it,” she says.
The family living tents are of
special interest to this mother of
three small children. “Since I’ve
made it to those tents, I go back
each year,” she says.
Bollinger said she found a
display of infant car seats par
ticularly interesting. In another
display, she said, she learned
about herbs and how to use them
for flavorings in place of salt. She
also picked up some good recipes
from the commodity booths and
got to try some samples.
The Bollingers also credit Ag
Progress with introducing them to
their FM radios which enable them
to have constant communicatiQn
between their two farms. “They’re
an essential part of our operation,”
Ruby said, adding that she doesn’t
know how they ever got along
without them.
The Bollingers take their
children along to the event. “The
older they get, the more they enjoy
it," Ruby noted. She believes it is
important to take the kids along to
events like Ag Progress, so they
become familiar with all aspects of
agriculture from the very
begining.
Kids and adults alike have much
to benefit from a day away from
the farm when it’s spent at Ag
Progress.
and entertains other people.
Visitations accomplish their
purpose if the children feel like
members of a genuine father-child
family. When there is more than
one child, relationships are
strengthened if the father can
spend special time alone with each
child.
Benefits can be lost, however, if
parents use visitation as an arena
to continue their own conflicts. One
parent may purposely schedule
visits at inconvenient times for the
other, or deliberately change plans
at the last moment. Another may
try to undermine the authority of
the former spouse during visits, or
to pump the children for damaging
information. This puts children in
a very uncomfortable position.
Wanting to please both parents
they end up feeling guilty and
disloyal. Children can recover
more quickly from the aftershock
of divorce if they aren’t forced to
side with one parent against the
other. It helps if parents can
maintain an air of civility, even if
it isn’t genuine.
Divorce marks the end of a
marriage relationship, but not the
end of the parents’ relationship
with their children. Even if a
marriage ends in bitterness and
anger, most children are willing to
forgive and forget. They love
irrationally, and their love persists
even in difficult circumstances.
Often in divorce, time and
distance conspire to keep fathers
and their children apart. But no
matter how many years pass, no
matter how many mistakes a
father feels he has made, Nelson
says an occasional phone call,
note, or birthday card will mean
more to his child than he may ever
realize.
Larry, right, base their seed orders on knowledge they gain at
Ag Progress Days. An excellent mini-vacation for busy farm
families, this event offers plenty of educational opportunities.
“FIRST DAYS”
We have finally gotten the
summer heat, just in time to make
the “Back to School” sales seem
out of place. However, the heat
does force many of us to retreat to
air-conditioned facilities, including
the malls, where pens, notebooks
and lunch pails are best sellers.
For me, the first day of school
was an exciting event. It took
weeks to plan the right outfit. Then
there was the choosing of new
“school shoes.” In my mind, new
shoes gave me confidence to face a
new school year. I also remember
a certain apprehension: what will
the new teacher be like, what kids
will be in my class, will my teacher
like me?
Many children do spend the last
weeks of summer waiting eagerly,
‘ apprehensively and sometimes
even fearfully for the start of
school. As a parent, you can do a
great deal to ease these tensions.
Now, even though it feels most like
summer, is the time to prepare
your child and build a positive
attitude toward school.
First, show an enthusiasm for
school. Attitude plays an im
portant part in the learning
process. If you show enthusiasm
for school, your child will be likely
to look forward to it, also.
Recognize the first day as a big
event. Some families emphasize
the significance of the day by
taking a picture of each child and
then comparing them to other
years. It helps to reinforce the
good things about growing up and
entering a new grade. If this is the
first year of school for your child,
be understanding about the
By Michelle S. Rodgers
Lancaster Extension
Home Economist
changes your child faces. Let your
.Child express his feelings and
acknowledge them as real feelings,
some of which you might also have
experienced. If your child has
never experienced being away
from home, you might plan a short
visit away with friends or relatives
yet this summer to build con
fidence in being away for school.
Talk with your children about
going to school. Go over the
schedule and route. One of my
biggest fears was missing the
school bus. We had a long walk out
our farm lane to the bus stop.
Talking about the time the bus was
supposed to arrive helped to ease
that tension.
Take some time to play “What
if?” What would you do if you
forgot your lunch money?; What if
you lost a library book?; What if
you got sick during school?; What
if you forgot your homework? Just
knowing what some possible
solutions are will help your child
function with confidence rather
than panic.
Decide now on a normal routine
for after school hours. If you are
working when your child returns
home from school, set clear plans
about your expectations. Don’t
forget to plan for time together
when you share the happenings of
the day with each other.
School is an important part of
every child’s life. Be sure to take
the time now to help ease those
first days ahead. By making this
new step a pleasant experience,
you are building a strong foothold
for all the years to come. No one
can do that better than you!