December 6, 2001
The Lion's Eye
By JENNIFER RUFO
Staff writer
Wow, another Christmas season is here.
I get up at 6 a.m. and put on all my "elfness," like
the cute, little shoes, and the cute, little hat with
the jingles in the top. Oh, and can't forget the
sparkles.
Before I leave, I put some lotion on my
cute, little pointy ears that the kids love to pull on
so much. It's as bad, if not worse, as them pulling
on Santa's snowy white beard.
Speaking of the Big Guy, I'm running
late on the first day back in public. No time for
breakfast, but I will grab a cup of coffee.
Ok, after getting stuck in horrific traffic
I am finally at the mall. My huge overcoat hides
everything but the shoes that no one can miss.
I quickly slip into the back entrance and
am immediately greeted by the boss himself,
Santa. He excuses my tardiness with the twinkle
in his eye.
"Ready to go?" he asks me, with a
twinge of excitement in his voice. His excitement
is contagious as I feel it rising in my stomach. Or
maybe that is the lack of breakfast.
As I follow behind Santa, I am happy to
realize that he did not mention what happened
last night in the workshop.
This annoying person who goes way to
far with the whole elf thing got into a paint fight
with me as we were painting some toys. We got
in trouble for wasting precious paint (apparently
there's a shortage) and disturbing the reindeer,
including the one with the big, red nose.
Anyway, the kids are already lined up in
the center court of the mall and they all become
hushed with awe as Santa waves at them and says
his classic "Ho, Ho, Ho!" I smile at the first little
boy in line who looks to be about three years old.
"This way to Santa!" I cheerfully say
and all of a sudden the kid starts to cry. The fraz-
zled mother gives me a tense smile and ushers her
child over to Santa who is waiting in his huge
chair. Santa works his magic and the boy stops
crying.
The other elf that works the malls with
me takes the picture quickly before the boy
decides to change his mind about his mood. Sure
enough, when the kid's turn to sit on Santa's lap is
over, he starts crying again. I look at the line.
One down and about fifty to go.
Next in line is a girl of about six years of
age. "Are those ears really real?" she asks me.
"Oh yes, definitely!" I say as convinc-
- ingly as I can before she tries to see for herself.
Thank goodness Santa calls her over before she
gets a chance to take a mighty tug on them. Most
people don't realize that curious six-year olds are
only a few inches shorter than most elves and can
reach our precious ears with ease.
As the day wears on, I wear down.
There are cute kids, smart kids, curious kids, baby
kids, cranky kids, and any kind of kids you can
think of. They all come to see Santa and tell them
what they want for Christmas.
the Life of a (Mall) Elf
As we are about to leave for the day, one
last little girl runs up to me, clutching a teddy
bear. I don't see any parent or guardian of hers
around.
"Can I see Santa?" she pleads in half-
baby talk. Her eyes are filled with tears. I look
around for the Big Guy and realize he already
left.
Instead of endangering the magic of
Santa in this little girl's imagination and dreams, I
say, "Well, um, I'm Santa, what can I do for you?"
I beckon for her to come over and sit in my lap as
I sit in the big chair.
"Santa," she says, her voice trembling,
"Santa has a beard and a big fat tummy."
Thinking fast, I say, "Well, I don't have a
fat tummy yet because I haven't gone to all the lit-
tle children's houses to eat what they leave for me
at their chimneys. Have you been a good little girl
this year? What would you like for Christmas?"
She seemed to buy it.
"l want my mommy back." She says,
about to cry. "I lost her in the mall."
"Hmm. ..what is your name?"
"Jessie."
I take Jessie by the hand and lead her
towards the fake, plastic reindeer to keep her
occupied while I figure out what to do. What do
you do with a lost kid?
Just then, a frantic mother hurries over.
She hugs Jessie and Jessie looks relieved.
"Thank you Santa!" Jessie cries, and
gives me a great, big hug.
I smile at her and watch as the happy
pair stroll away. The feeling that came over me
was of great happiness for having helped the little
girl. She thought I made her wish come true for
Christmas. :
~ Regardless of the circumstances, I felt
special for the first time as an elf. 1 eagerly
packed up my things and left the mall. I hurried
my way to Santa's workshop with a little pep in
my step, anxious to make every child's Christmas
that much more special because I had the power
to do it. Maybe someday I can become a real
Santa.
Yule Tide Pain in the @$$: Top 10 gifts to give
By GERRY DUNGAN
Staff writer
You sit humming Silent Night to
yourself by the warm fireplace,
and your kitty is asleep purring on
your lap.
Through the frosted windows
you see the snow quietly drifting
from the peaceful heavens and are
reminded of holidays past with all
the avuncular friends and family
who've warmed your heart with
Christmas cheer and gifts.
Then it hits you, like a snowball
in the face.
There is less than four weeks till
Christmas and you don't know
what to get anybody!
Well, have no fear, the Lion's Eye
Top Ten Gift Ideas (for good little
boys and girls) is here!
Ladies, ever wonder what sort of
things guys want? Well, seek no
further.
For the guys
10. Imitation Oakley sun-
glasses (only $5) - Smile real
big, they won't say anything.
9. Electric Massager -
Because your nails
are more precious
than his aching
shoulders.
8. Watch - So they
can't use the poor
excuse of not
knowing what time
it was.
7. Sports Merchandise -
Hint: Jordan plays for the
Wizards now.
6. Play Station 2 - Whatever
happened to Super Nintendo?
S. Dangerous and High-
Powered Tools - Make Tim
Allen eat his heart out.
4. Cologne - It's less embar-
rassing than deodorant.
3. DVD player - Plus the hun-
dreds of DVDs to replace his
entire VHS collection.
2. Entire collection of
Godfather on DVD - It's a
guy thing.
1. A very warm
"hello" under the
mistletoe.
Now, for you fel-
las who are totally
clueless, here's a cou-
ple of gift-giving
ideas your lady
friend(s) might go ga-
ga for.
For the gals
10. Perfume - Nothing says I
love you more than something
from eau de toilet.
9. Stress Balls - Just remem-
ber, she'll be thinking of you
when she uses them.
8. Clothing - One perfect
sweater and you're set for life.
But take no chances, use with
number 3.
7. Cute Stuffed Animal -
Squeeze it and if the stuffing
doesn't come out, it's a keeper.
6. Bath and Body Works -
Mecca of the women's gift
stores.
5. Jewelry - They'll even
adore the quarter machine
stuff. But you better use with
#3.
4. Anything from Victoria's
Secret - Just make sure it's the
right size (wink, wink, nudge,
nudge!)
3. Roses - The "Sean
Connery" of women's gifts.
Particularly white and red for
the holidays.
2. An adorable little puppy -
Need I say more?
1. A very warm "hello"
under the mistletoe (Best if
used with # 3.