—LION'SEYE —
April, 1986
That’s Entertainment!
Air
Drums
I never had a formal lesson, but I
guess if I were ever given the opportun--
ity to take up an instrument I would;
most likely choose the drums.
I believe the drums, or percussion in-..
struments in general, are the heart of’
rock ’'n’ roll music. They are the pound--
ing muscle that pump out the lifeblood
of every great rock 'm’ roll song ever
written. After all, behind every shouting
voice, behind every screeching guitar,
and behind every thumping bass, pound
the drums. And although drummers are
rarely as well-known or. admired as the
string - teasing guitarist¥-that stand in
front of them, they never cease to pro-
vide the vital background beat that
makes songs and groups famous.
To illustrate this point allow me to
make an analogy. Tq the average rock
‘n’ roll fan, I'll bet the names Bonham
and Van Halen (Alex, that is), are not
nearly as familiar as the names Hendrix
and the other Van Halen (Edward). Bet-
ter said, drummers are the unsung
heroes of rock 'n’ roll music. And since I
characteristically root for the underdog,
well then my admiration is understand-
able.
Basically, my fascination with percus-
sion and my lack of interest in formal
music lessons leaves me somewhere in
between. With not a drum nor cymbal to
my name I am faced with no other alter-,
native but to rig up my own version of a
drumset, which, for simplicity’ s sake, I
will refer to as the air drums.
The air drums are in my bedroom but
‘you won't trip over them. They're in my
‘car but you won’t sit on them. And
they're in my mind so you'don’t have to
hear them. Similar to the air guitarists
and lip synchers you see now and again
at parties and in cars, I practice silent
music; silent to everyone else. The
source of sound for my music is the radio
or turntable, not my swift-moving
hands. So call me cheap, or frustrated, or
just plain restless, but in a sense, my in-
strument could be thought of as
something more refined than even the
real drums themselves. After all, I can’t
be accused of making loud and obnox-
ious noises with my drums; nor can I be
blamed for leaving them all over the
family room floor.
My drums rest quietly in my ridnd.
until a rock ‘n’ roll song is played of
course. Then, almost instantly, they spr-
ing up in front of me. Hastily, I reach
out my hands and pick up anything in
sight resembling drumsticks, be they
pens, pencils, toothbrushes, or occa-
sionally just the palms of my hands, and
away I pound and/or tap in unison with
one of my favorite unsung heroes.
By now, you are probably reading this
saying to yourself, “This kid is eating
the mushrooms that you can’t buy in a
supermarket, or he’s just plain derang-
ed.” Aha, but I have evidence that I am
not the only one who listens to the beat
of a different drummer. A short time ago
I was peacefully enjoying a meatball
special in our cafeteria when a very
familiar song, with a very familiar
drumroll caught my attention. You pro-
bably know the song, it was Phil Collins’
“In the Air Tonight’. Come on, admit it,
- how many of you, like most every person
in The cafeteria that day, drop every-
thing (well almost everything) when Phil
gets to the middle singing, ‘Cause the
hurt doesn’t show and the pain si
grows - It’s no stranger to you and me.
” and sing to your self, ‘‘badop, rg 4
ba-dop, ba-dop, bop, bop,” pounding the |
table or dashboard in front of you.
That's what I thought, we're all
musicians at heart, and hey if it makes |
you happier, fans, keep on mimicking
the screeching “riffs’’ of Eddie and Jimi,
but my heart only beats for the beat of
the drums. Whether they’re on the radio
or in my mind it makes no difference to
me, because the real drummers, like the
silent songs inside me will always be un-
sung.
‘Weather
the
Weather
By Michael Attiani
Being a curious lot by nature, we seem
to question almost everything we come
into contact with. The most important
question known to mankind, however, is
difficult for most to pin down, and is
often subject to lengthy debates. (and
newspaper articles). Pseudo-intellectuals:
are convinced that the most important
questions are those that we would not
normally ask ourselves, such as: “What
is the meaning of life,” “Why do birds
only fly forward,” “if parking is free,
why do we need permits for it,” and
“why do gnats fly up your nose in the
summertime,’’
However, I contend that the most im-
portant questions known to mankind
vary from individual to individual. To
this end, I would like to share with you
the question which, to me, holds the ut-
most importance: “Why can’t Penn-
sylvania’s weather make up its mind?”
Of course, any question worth its
weight in brian cells has to be explained,
and this one is no exception. If I were to
walk up to any one of you and ask, point
blank, what you think winter is like in:
Michigan, chances are good to excellent
that you would say: “cold,” or possibly
“extremely cold;”’ you’d be right on
both accounts! When winter comes to
Michigan, oh, sometime late in July, its
residents know to take out the electric
blanket, the fur lined long-johns, and the
studded snow tires, because, you see, in
Michiganese (that which is spoken in
Michigan) the word ‘‘winter’’ can be
defined as: /'wint-er/n. [ME, fr. OE; akin
to OHG wintar winter] 1: very cold 2:
lots of snow 3: high concentration of 1 -
and 2.
To the question: “what’s winter like in
San Diego?’ we'd be equally quick to
answer. Being the ‘‘on-the-ball’’ kind of
group that we college students are, we'd
probably respond: “warm,” and, once
again, we'd be right! In fact, if you walk-
ed up to an average San Diegan and ask-
ed him, or her, what winter is, the
response would probably be: “Uh . . .
Yeah, like, isn’t that day in January
when it, like, rains, and stuff . . . ya
know?” We shouldn’t really criticize
them for this, though. After all, in a San
Diego dictionary, the word ‘‘winter’’ can
be found in the ‘“L’s” (a very thick sec-
tion of the San Diego dictionary, I might
add). It is defined as follows: Like,
winter /’lik/adj., /'wint-er/n. [ME, fr. OE;
akin to OHG wintar winter] 1: I have
like ‘no idea, why don’t you go to
only to mention a few.
Michigan and find out, I'm gonna to
surf. Also, it has been hypothesized that
over exposure to the sun’s direct rays
may cause brain damage. I guess that’s
why they have beach partie “~r fun, and
we write and read newsps _ucles.
The point that I'm trying to get at,
‘and yes there is one in here somewhere,
is that almost every other state in the
union has distinct weather patterns
which it can expect, except Penn-
sylvania. Here, winter can start anytime
after the first day of school, be inter-
rupted innumberable times during its
seasonal reign by blurbs of springtime,
come to its nasty climax around
February, or March, and finally con-
clude sometime before summer, we hope.
Some years, winter lasts six months;
some years, six weeks. Seasons are pain-
fully nebulous, and rarely prompt, in
Pennsylvania; some years we don’t get
any spring, or fall, at all; some years,
they start in February continue straight
through the summer, and end in
December. In addition to our odd
temperature tendencies, the sun is also
erratic. It and the clouds seems to ex-
periment on Pennsylvania to see what
sort of interesting combinations they
can come up with. Pennsylvanians are
all too familiar with days that start out
sunny, warm, and clear; turn to dismal,
cool, and damp by the afternoon, and
finish cold and clear. In fact, about the
only thing that we Pennsylvanians can
expect, from day to day, is that nights
will be dark.
All in all, you've probably surmised
that I dislike Pennsylvania; that can’t
be further from the truth. Pennsylvania,
like most of its Northeastern counter-
parts, has played a major role in the
development of our nation, in almost
every possible facet: historically, legally,
traditionally, and culturally. We were
- the first state to strike oil, the second to
join the union, and the first to introduce
Rock and Roll, for example. In almost
every respect, Pennsylvania is the
ultimate state to live in, it becomes more
obvious as you travel through more
states; its one major drawback is its
climate. But, oh, what a drawback!
You know? I was just thinking;
maybe San Diego would trade us their
weather for Jaworski. MOVE? Penn-
DOT? An undisclosed future draft pick?
How ’bout a lifetime supply of cheese-
steaks? Steelworkers? Wait! How 'bout
stale soft pretzels; God knows we have
more than our share of them. Bagladies?
How bout ..
APRIL 1986
Headquarters for the exciting . . . new
. Mr. Male America Pageant has just
announced, they are currently accepting
applications for the . . . MR. PENN-
PAGEANT. No longer will the
gentlemen need a muscular physique to
enter this event. He will possess the in-
definable characteristics of . . . poise. . .
personality . .. charm... and of course. .
. handsomeness! Winners from all 50
states will compete in Jamaica in
November of 1986. Win cash, prizes, per-
sonal appearances and more.
All interested men must be at least 18
years old, married, single, widower, or
divorced. A resident of the state of Pen-
nsylvania for at least 6 months. A high
school graduate or hold a PhD, and a
U.S. citizen.
a separate sheet of paper tell us why you
decided to enter the Mr. Pennsylvania
Male America Pageant. Please enclose a
stamped, self-addressed envelope to
SEND TO:
Mr. Pennsylvania Male America
Pageant
c/o Lillian Lehman Productions Inc.
P.O. Box 1033
East Brunswick, N.J. 08816
OR CALL: 1-201-846-7273
SYLVANIA MALE AMERICA}
Please send a current snap shot off
yourself, write a brief biography, and on§
receive your official pageant entry form. §
Applications are now being accepted
Miss
Pennsylvania
U.S.A.
SHERRI FITZPATRICK
MISS PENNSYLVANIA U.S.A.
‘the High Rise Howard Johnson’s Hotel
‘beauty of face and figure. Entrants who
APRIL 26TH.
from all over the Keystone State for the
annual Miss Pennsylvania U.S.A.
Pageant to be staged this year for the
first time in September in Monroeville,
Pennsylvania, in the Grand Ballroom of
on September 5, 6, and 7, 1986. The Miss
Pennsylvania Pageant is ‘an official
*Miss U.S.A. - Miss Universe Contest.
There is ‘“‘NO PERFORMING
TALENT”. requirement, all judging is
on the basis of poise, personality and
qualify must be at least 17 years of age
and under 25 years of age by February 1,
1987, never married, and at least a six
month resident of Pennsylvania, thus
college dorm students are eligible. All
girls interested in competing for the title
must write to: MISS PENNSYLVANIA
U.S.A. PAGEANT, TRI-STATE
HEADQUARTERS - DEPT. C, 347
LOCUST AVENUE, WASHINGTON,
PA. 15301 BY APRIL 26. Letters must
include a recent snapshot, a brief
biography and phone number.
The girl chosen as Miss Pennsylvania
U.S.A. will receive a 14-day all-expense
paid trip to Miami, Florida, the site of
the Miss U.S.A. Pageant nationally
televised on CBS-TV in February, com-
peting for over $175,000 in cash and
prizes. Among her many prizes, the new
state winner will receive a $1,000 cash
scholarship and will select a $1,000 war-
drobe.
The new winner will be crowned by
the current Miss Pennsylvania U.S.A.,
Sherri Fitzpatrick of Quakertown, who
will be present for the entire event at the
High Rise Howard Johnson's Hotel.
APPLICATION DEADLINE IS
a Hl