The Fourth Wall
page 7
Football
from page 6
people!! And, no, not March
Madness! This is September!
These kinds of things aren’t
supposed to happen!!!
Week 6: So that Illinois team
still thinks it’s worth something. It
beats #5 Wisconsin 31-26. The
Kansas Jayhawks have a football
team? 30-24 over #24 Kansas State.
Could #21 Rutgers lose two in a
row? Most certainly...in BCS hell.
The Scarlet Knights lose 28-23 to
#20 Cincinnati. (This is getting a
little silly. Cincinnati?) But hold
on to your horses, folks. #2 USC,
No, It couldn’t happen...The
Trojans are supposed to be the
messiah of college football,
really?...Wow...To Stanford you
say?..Last play ‘of the
game?...Highly unusual...I guess
has been a little off.
Week 7: You know, I really do
like an underdog. Truly. But this
is ridiculous.
gloriously uninteresting Iowa
Hawkeyes. #19 Wisconsin? Those
damn Penn State Lions took care
of them. Quite handily actually;
38-7. Here’s the news though folks.
#1 and #2 BOTH go down in week
7. I'm super serious. #1 LSU loses
to the Cinderella #17 Kentucky in
triple overtime. As if this weren’t
enough #2 California loses to the
Oregon State Beavers. Seriously,
I’m not kidding. I couldn’t write a
script more unbelievable than this.
Week 8: #2 South Florida
goes down to Rutgers. #23
Cincinnati? Fo’get about it. Beat
24-17 by Pitt. Vanderbilt decided
they’d show up for a game. They
beat #6 South Carolina in a 17-6
spoiler. #21 Tennessee? Try
unranked Tennessee. They get
slammed 41-17 by an ailing
Crimson Tide. The 7"-ranked
heartbreakers in Kentucky? The
only hearts they break this week
are their own. 45-37 loss to the
15%-ranked Gators. #12 California?
Surely they can’t lose two in a row.
Er, I guess they can and they did.
Looks like a 30-21 loss to their Pac-
10 rival, the UCLA Bruins.
Indifference? No. Resignation?
Yes.
Week 9: Ireally don’t wanna
untangle this knot. #1 and #2 stay
alive! Now that is news! Otherwise
nothing glaring but look at #23
UConn handing #10 South Florida
its second straight loss. I mean,
honestly. The Huskies? Does
anyone have a crystal ball? I'm
going to Vegas.
Tech...No, I don’t know how it
happened... Why yes, I would
agree that’s quite irregular...Yes,
Week 10: South Florida loses
its third straight. From #2 to
unranked in three weeks? Only in
2007, folks. And #2 goes down
again! The weekly holder of that
damning ranking, Boston College,
loses its dream season in a 27-17
heartbreaker to Florida State.
Week 11: This is becoming
physically exhausting. #12
Michigan loses to Wisconsin. I
don’t even wanna go through the
chain of events that proves why
to #22 Alabama’s loss to
Mississippi State. Rising #13
UConn gets flogged by Cincinnati.
#8 Boston College goes down to
Maryland. And like a cherry on
top another #1 goes down when
Ohio State gets upset—at home—
by the Fighting Illini. I could create
a brilliant tapestry of patterns and
conclusions here but suffice to say
that this is just befuddling.
Week 12: You know, you do
the best you can and then it just
sort of snowballs out of control.
ANOTHER top-2 team
is...poofl...thrown out of the BCS
discussion when
#2 Oregon gets flattened by the
highly unqualified Arizona
Wildcats. #4 Oklahoma is
rejuvenating and... Yes, they just
lost by a touchdown to Texas
that the Tigers will lose. They’re
playing the Oklahoma Sooners
after all, who beat them quite plainly
in the regular season. I don’t,
however, believe that the West
Virginia offense would ever allow
a loss to the deplorable Pittsburgh
Panthers. No, it just won’t happen.
Week 14: I suppose one can
never be dissatisfied with breaking
even. The Tigers got romped and
I was right. But in the name of all
things sacred, how could the
Mountaineers lose to the
Pittsburgh Panthers? This is not
of this world. Plato?...Yes, this
match-up emblazoned at the top of
every preseason outline. One need
take into account how they got
there, however. Well it’s like being
an art connoisseur, really. If you
hadn’t any experience then it’s just
beautiful colors and, yes, the
details are quite intricate as well.
But if one knows the artist, the
motives behind the piece and its
subtleties; then that is when the
entire picture begins to materialize.
And so it is and will be.
Something entirely unexpected is
bound to happen. Perhaps after
10 overtimes they will call the
Ts YOUR SOUND”
Cymbal’ Collkons
musiclic.com