Page Two
Hazleton Collegian
HAZLETON UNDERGRADUATE CENTER
Editor-in-Chief
Assistant Editor
Business Manager
Assistant Business Manager
Feature Editor
Sports Editor
Reporters
Business Agents
Cartoonist ..
Photographer
Librarian .
"Decisions Made in Haste . . .
We have learned recently that several dormitory students are contemp
lating enlisting in the armed services. It has also been rumored that several
young co-eds have been seeking information on the W.A.C. and other branch
es of service. Insecurity, a force that drives many to hasty decisions, is
given as the cause for such action. The Daily Collegian, the newspaper
published at the main campus, released the two stories concerning the draft,
which appear on the front page of our paper.
We advise you desperate students to read and re-read both articles
before taking a step that could well put an end to the priceless possession
within your grasp, a college education. We urge you "patriots" (?) to read
especially the article on R.O.T.C. and to take special note of the underlined
parts. You see, it's quite possible that draft deferments for R.O.T.C.
personnel will be indefinite, so don't act hastily. Think, reason, analyze be
fore you decide. After all you'll be more valuable to your country after
completing your education than you are now, if it is patriotism that is in
fluencing your action. However, if it is the emotion of fear after "Break
through" the motion picture recently shown at the Capital, then undoubtedly
you will be scared time and time again and this editorial or the truths in
the two front page articles cannot calm the pangs of an emotion as strong
as fear.
May we suggest that you "take it easy—don't act hastily—too much is
at stake."
In October the Campus Reformers, Pennacrats, and Melting Pots, Senior
and Junior, talked a great deal about what we would receive from Student
Council in return for supporting their candidates. At that time we selected
the Campus Reformers and Pennacrats to turn the wheels of student gov
ernment. These two parties advocated sophomore approval in spending the
$2OO surplus; better relationships between the Hazleton Center, the other
centers, and the main campus; the ratification of a new constitution; the
printing of the financial balance in the Collegian; and free music in the
snack bar. Since it is a popular belief that party platforms are forgotten
once candidates are swept into office, the Collegian thought it enlightening
if we rummaged memory's attic and actually calculated how many of the
winning parties' planks had been nailed down.
Their first plank stood for sophomore approval in spending the $2OO
surplus. The purpose of the first sophomore mass meeting, held after the
new Council took office, was to discuss a concrete plan for spending this
money. Although the flagpole issue and a new Constitution overshadowed
the $2OO surplus and no concrete plan evolved, Student Council did not be
come discouraged but nailed the second plank to the crossbeams. They pur
chased a juke box for the snack bar with part of the surplus money. Need
we complain if "High of the List" is so faint that it is barely audible and
strains of "The First Noel" are heard on January 12. We do have free music
in the Snack Bar!
In cementing our friendship with the Pottsville Center, the Student
Council accomplished policy number three. The Council chartered two buses
on December 6to transport sixty students to the Pottsville-H. U. C. game
and party. During the second semester the council plans to reciprocate by
holding a "Welcome Pottsville" rally.
The December issue of the Collegian nailed down plank four—the Con
stitution. After months of wrangling over student powers, the Council un
veiled a document vesting all control of Student Government fees in the
hands of Student Council. Thus, at the end of the first semester, the ratifi
cation of the Constitution and the printing of the financial balance are the
only planks needed to complete the floor of the platform. Unlike the major
political parties of this country who won't stick out their necks to disagree
too widely on their policies and who forget their platforms once they have
won the election, the winning parties of the Hazleton Center have used the
planks of their platform as a beacon to guide them. Their campaign promises
weren't forgotten after the election posters had been thrown in the waste
baskets. They have remained a goal, which after only one semester, is near
attainment.
PENNSYLVANIA STATE COLLEGE
Highacres, Hazleton, Pa.
STAFF
Two Planks to Go
Hughie Brennan
... Betty Harlor
. William Deppe
Michael Kudlich
.... Henry Paulick
Joseph H. Hastings
Loretta Romanofsky
Robert F. Csizma
John Zamba
Shirley Petchel
Jim Reinsmith
.. Harold Borushok
Frank Nowak
Steve Paulmeno
Leroy Kromis
Francis Clark
.. William Wagner
Helene Smith
HAZLETON COLLEGIAN
Theme of the Month
At the beginning of the semester the
"Collegian" had intentions of publishing
the best theme written in English Comp.
assignments each month. All three Comp.
instructors said they would co-operate—
but no themes were submitted. It seems
that in all of the Comp. classes, the in
structors couldn't select any theme for
publication. Then came Ruth Bones, a
freshman in Mr. Fisher's Comp. 1 class,
who turned in a theme and it was re
turned to her later with a (3) on the top
of the first page. So here it is.
A WAY TO THE END
by Ruth Bones
When the chickens stopped laying
eggs, there was a mad rush to every
market in the world. People bought
every egg and egg product the stores
had in stock, no matter what the
price. When all the eggs were gone,
the government rationed and sup
plied the populus with powdered eggs
that had been stored away for relief
purposes. What had happened to the
chickens to make them stop laying ?
No one knew. Baking companies,
noodle manufacturers, and every bus
iness connected with eggs went out
of business. Scientists experimented
for weeks on the chickens, trying new
feeding processes and examining lit
erally thousands of them. No clues
were found.
Spring burst forth in all its glory.
The trees began to turn green and
the forest became a perfumed extra
vaganza, but something was amiss.
The familiar chirping of baby birds
was nowhere to be heard. Yes, it has
happened to the birds too; they didn't
lay any eggs. What did all this
mean ? Was Nature so cruel as to
even deprive the birds of a family,
and humans the joys of spring? The
masses became frightened. God's
wrath was upon Man. Everyone flock
ed to his church and synagogue just
as the people had flocked to the
stores to buy eggs. They didn't want
to purchase a new faith, a faith so
many people had tried to live with
out.
Jefferson Hospital in Peoria, Illin
ois, was the first hospital in the coun
try to report startling decrease in the
birth rate. It wasn't only startling:
it was fantastic! Their rate decreased
from approximately 135 births in
early spring to none in the fall. It
wasn't long until every other hospital
in the country reported the same.
News flashes from all parts of the
world gave similar reports. There
wasn't a pregnant woman in the
world at the end of the year. Do you
think this happened only to humans?
No! Even the lowest animal in the
forest was afflicted. Scientists and
geneologists began to work feverishly
for an answer. One had to be found
or the world would be a useless mass
spinning on its axis. After three
years of no births the answer was
found. Every creature on the earth
had become sterile. This sterility was
caused by a chain reaction of atomic
rays that had started with the bomb
ing of Hiroshima during World War
11. The rays penetrated the organism
and affected only the reproductive
system. Countless efforts were made
to find a cure. None was found.
When people die, and none are
born to take their place, the end of
the world is soon to come. Perhaps
the Creator's words "You have done
a great wrong, and this time cannot
be forgiven," might apply here too.
With the arrival of the New Year, everyone has been busy making and
breaking their New Year's resolutions. For my resolution, I have solemnly
decided to devote all of my time and attentions toward making life totally
unbearable for dogs in the form of a club called "Dog's Anonymous." No
doubt my decision will cause the S.P.C.A. undue grief, but the time has come
for me to declare war on "man's best friend." A dog may be a nice friend
to have around the house, but as far as I'm concerned, the only place where
I want to see a mutt is on the cover of a can of dog food.
Why the sudden chip on my shoulder against Canis Familiaris you ask?
Well, it's like this. I have been molested each and every day for the last
year by a little hunk of fur that yaps at me for no reason at all. This little
bundle of noise occupies some space in a garden near my home, that I am
forced to pass every day. As I walk past this garden, this mutt dashes to
ward me, begins to snarl in a threatening manner, and hurls himself at me,
but the fence saves me from being torn to pieces. Now I have never done
anything to this little mutt to deserve this sort of treatment, and I don't
like the idea of this mutt charging me like that. Suppose the mutt got out
of the garden, and really got after me, then what? That would have been
a very revolting position, so I thought I had better make friends with this
mutt before I get my legs chewed off. I began to offer this dog tasty morsels
of food, and spoke very kindly to him, but I was unable to gain his friend
ship. All I could do now, is pass the yard and bark back at this mutt when
he barked at me. Some fun putting up with this sort of nonsense day
after day, huh?
Well, we were doomed to come to blows one day to settle this problem
of who barks at Who. During the Christmas holidays, the long awaited day
of battle came. I was minding my own business, walking home full of Christ
mas spirits, after spending a busy day over a hot pin -ball machine, when
this mutt greeted me in the usual warm manner. He began to growl, and
threw himself at me in a very threatening manner, landing against the
fence. The fence had weathered many of these advances, but age had taken
it's toll, and one of the palings gave way under the lunge of this mutt. The
dog's head came thru the paling that had given way. This surprised the
dog, and he tried to pull his head back in, and when he did, he pulled the
paling back in place, locking his head in the space between two of the
palings. The dog then started to let out a series of blood-curdling yelps. I
don't know if they were in pain or fear, but I was deeply grieved by the
condition he was trapped in, and decided to help him free himself. I tried
to get the mutt out by pulling the paling from outside of the yard, but every
time I applied some force on the paling, the dog let out a new series of yelps,
so I figured the best thing to do was go in the yard and get him out that
way. I went into the yard, and grabbed the mutt, gave the paling a quick
kick, and the dog was free. Now I thought that I had done a good deed for
the day, and the least this mutt could do is to realize this, and act like a
good little dog should, but no such luck. As soon as the paling went out, and
the mutt was free, the first thing he did was to sink his choppers into a part
of my anatomy that was definitely not designated to harbor the teeth of
dogs. Of course you realize that I did not condone this faux pas, and began
to chide the animal for his poor display of gratitude, but words did not seem
to distract him from his unorthodox display of appreciation for the services
I had rendered. After a futile appeal to the dog failed to render any sign of
compromise, I grabbed the mutt by the back of the neck, and pulled him
away from me. I held him firmly in the air before me, and lectured him
about his anti-social attitude, when his owner came bearing down on me
with a broom-stick waving menacingly in her hand. In a matter of seconds,
before I could explain, she began to beat a tattoo on my head with the
broom, and the dog squirmed out of my hand, and returned to his former
position of attack.
It seemed ages later that the man of the house came by, and un
scrambled our struggling group. Fortunately, the husband and I are on
speaking terms. He asked me to explain what was going on, before he de
cided to join the ranks of those opposing me. In between the barking of the
dog, the degrading remarks of the wife, and my hurried explanation, we
came to an understanding. After everything was straightened out, we had
a good laugh out of the whole affair, and we went into the house to compose
ourselves. While we were inside the house sipping coffee, the mutt and I
made another attempt at fraternization, and we managed to become friends.
When I felt I was fully recovered, I left the house to proceed home, and the
mutt came out of the house with me. We were still friends until his master
closed the door of the house, then the dog proceeded to return to the beach
head he had established. I made a dash for the fence, flew over it, and
dashed home. In the safety of my own home, I examined the new ventila
ting spots added to my trousers, and the marks left on my skin by the teeth
of the mutt. This is what led me to form my new club.
Pledge Drive Opens
A soliciting committee of ten stu
dents was chosen by the Student Par
ticipation Committee. Betty Harlor
and Bill Koehler are in charge of the
Committee. The solicitors are ap
proaching each member of the stu
dent body here at the Hazleton Cen
ter for a pledge of ten dollars.
Friday, January 19, 1951
IDYLLS OF OSCAR
BY HENRY F. PAULICK
Alumnus Scores in
Bowl Game
Ellis Kocher, former student at the
Hazleton Center, scored one goal in
the Soccer Bowl at St. Louis, Mis
souri on New Year's Day. Penn State
beat Purdue University by a score of
3 -1.