Page Four
A DEPRESSION
A man lived by the side of the road
and sold hot dogs.
He was hard of hearing, so he had
no radio.
He had trouble with his eyes, so he
read no newspapers.
But he sold good hot dogs.
He put up a sign on the highway
telling how good they were.
He stood by the side of the road
and cried: "Buy a hot dog, Mister!"
And people bought.
He increased his meat and bun
order.
He bought a bigger stove to take
care of his trade.
He got his son home from college
to help him.
But then something happened. .
His son said, "Father, haven't you
been listening to the radio ?
"There's a big depression on
"The European situation is terrible.
"The domestic situation is worse."
Whereupon the father thought,
"Hell my son has been to college.
"He reads the papers and he listens
to the radio, and he ought to know."
So the father cut down on his meat
and bun orders.
Took down his advertising signs.
And no longer bothered to stand
on the highway to sell hot dogs.
And his hot dog sales fell almost
overnight.
"You're right son," the father said
to the boy.
"We are certainly in the middle of
a great depression."
—From THE FRANKLIN FIELD
.REVIEW
(Continued from page 2)
This is the era when the fast
American clippers ruled the seas.
This captain was probably the
fastest and biggest of these.) . . . .
was involved in a pretended love
affair with the •daughter and in an
honest-to-badness one with the
wife.. The cad! (I'd give names but
I've forgotten them.) This . . . .
DAUGHTER . . . . believes in pro
tecting her father's interests and
when she learns of the mother-cap
tain capers, her "protection" forms
the heart of the story. She has a
weakminded . . . .
BROTHER . . . . who is firmly at
tached to his mother's ring through
his nose and is in love with his ..
FEMALE COUSIN . . . . whose
brother is mad about the aforemen
tioned daughter. A . . . .
CARETAKER . . . . the only nor
mal person, completes the cast.
One poisoning, one downright ir , ur
der, two dramatic suicides, one lonely
old maid, and some moaning which is
literally out of this world, are the fi
nal products of this mess.
HAZLETON COLLEGIAN
It was just another card game
Jack bid 25 and I passed.
Some guy named Herbert (he
works a sa part-time waitress) stuck
his beak in my face and started mum
bling something about the birds and
bees. I inhaled the 100% breath. Just
another frustrated engineer I thought
to myself—Must have flunked a blue
book.
We went up twenty (I led dia
monds instead of hearts—More gray
hairs) !
I told Herbert he was ruining the
press job on my pants, but he just
smiled and I loaned him my handker
chief. •
Mickey Mouse semaphored two fif
teen so I told Herb we would play
horsey some other time and I took off
for my Geology Lab.
Some fifteen odd minutes later the
"Old Prof" sent us out on a rock
seeking mission and a few of us
Communists took our cards and a jug
out to Talus-Creep, a wooded and
stony suburb of Rock Fall (both
places being strictly R.D. 1).
We pulled up some shale (being
very cautious of stalagmites) and
chug-a-lugged. Fredrick dealt me a
book in spades, and our wet-eyed
group proceeded to chew the muslin.
There ensued a delightfully intel
lectual conversation concerning the
standing feud between the "slide
rules" (engineers) and the "horn
rims" (liberal artists).
Our little democratic group (four
liberal artists Vs. no engineers) set
Herbert up as our living example of
an engineer.
After twenty "ups" and my safety
deposit box shy $lO, we came to the
conclusion that Herb was in the
wrong curriculum. We also selected
ourselves as the diplomats who would
try to convince Herb that he was
wasting his time in engineering.
EVER TIN TO READ
lan OWN IIIRITIND?
TrAtKER NAS 'TO. SO
TRY 'TO KEEP IT NEAT
KEEP Nit in FEET
UNDER - r OeSid
WitERE 'VAN
BELONG
10.174 tIP 41111(1
La MLR TABLE.
DTRERS DISLIKE A
MESS' TABLE. -Too
(lIEEI
HER
1111:1
• We Staggered back to the Campus
when the "Scoutmaster's" whistle
blew, and presented our professor
with an odd collection of Kickapoo
stained field stones.
I met Herbert in the snack bar and
told him of our plans for his future—
.
He offered me a previously nigger
lipped cigarette and, seemed to be
come suddenly interested in my Phil
osophy book. I told him he could bor
row it because I wanted to see him
get ahead in life.
At about this time I sobered up
with a Cup 0' Joe and made my way
through the maze of homo crowding
the Concourse. I took the. cable car to
the bottom of the hill.
Next morning a pressing situation
caused me to excuse myself from an
R 0 T C drill and I wandered back
through the trees to what seemed to
be a choice spot.
Herbert made a habit of showing
up in the strangest places—but this
took the three-layer (without the
marshmallow frosting).
Herbert was swinging from a stout
bough of a hemlock tree with a bad
minton net around his neck.
I lit, up a Reifer (now was as good
a time as any to switch my brand)
and strolled over to the limp carcass
which was now swinging to and fro in
four-four time.
There was a note fastened to the
garter on his left leg written in infe
rior engineer -hand.
Herb willed his slide rule (his only
earthly possession) to Don Diefender
fer, and in so many words said that
the conflict between the two curricu
lums had depressed him to no end—
the Philosophy book making matters
even worse. "Dis was my only vay
out!"
I opened up a fresh pack of Win
tergreen Life Savers and left him for
the birds.
HINTS
December 13, 1949
NO STRIKER'?"
(here--use my Zippo!)
One fine Saturday afternoon not
too many weeks ago a group of our
Freshmen Co-eds (Mouser Midash,
Chicly Coll, Julie Allen, Marian Ja
nosky, Jocye Bevan and Dorothy
Claypotch—to be exact) held a bowl
ing match at one of 01.1 r regional em
poriums.
Those citizens unfortunate enough
to be in the audience were at least
treated to a history-making event.
Following is a list of scores regis
tered by the girls on that memorable
afternoon:
Claypotch 111
Bevan 98
Janosky 69
Midash 60
Allen 51
Coll 32
Harllor 29
Notice
The Editor, finds it necessary to
list the scores of this bowling match
as they would look if they had been
computed by an expert score keeper.
In view of the fact that very original
scoring :methods were innocently
used by the girls, we feel that the
reader should> not hold the following
very undernourished scores in a hu
miliating light.
Claypotch 25.6
Bevan
Janosky
Midash
Allen .
Coll
We realize that the decimal system
seems to have left our good friend,
Betty Harlor, without a leg to stand
on; for this reason we wish to pre
sent this promising young kegler
with the "Hazleton Undergraduate
Center Never Say Die But If You
Feel Like It We Don't Blame You
Award."
Since we are passing out awards,
we are more than honored in present
ing to Joyce Bevan and Kate Midash
these two engraved cards entitling
them to life memberships in the "So
ciety for the Prevention of Cruelty
to Pin-Boys."
To the other contestants we pre
sent gift-wrapped consolation certifi
cates for "Sheer Form." (These cer
tificates can be redeemed at any
neighborhood dry goods store for a
pair of 52 gauge Sheer Form ny
lons.)
In conclusion, the Editor of this
rag would like to make a public plea
for volunteers to help repair the
worn-out gutters of ye olde alley
eight.
SUPPORT
THE
BASKETBALL
TEAM