The Hazleton Collegian
The unflushed toilet epidemic
by Corey Gesford
There you are. Mother nature
w calling, maybe even screaming
at this point You enter the
second stall on the left of your
friendly neighborhood restroom,
and there it is!
One of life’s most apalling
encounters. Its appearance so
ghastly that for reasons of taste
we will not describe it in this
article. It is the sorrow of male
restrooms everywhere - the un
flushed commode.
Yes, everywhere in America,
most notably in the male re
strooms of our college dormi
tories, public restrooms, and high
Woody Allen is back in Scenes From...
Don’t go to Scenes From a
MaJJ expecting to see a Woody
Allen film. He didn’t write
Scenes. This is not Take the
Money and Run or any of his
others. With that preconception
gone you should find Allen’s and
Bette Midler’s performances very
authentic and believable. Scenes
From a Ma/J\s written by Roger
Simon and Paul Mazursky who
Perfect Man Continued...
her somewhere. Treat her with
respect at all times - never violate
her emotionally or physically.
Hold her and tell her that you
love her often.
I don’t claim to be an expert
on relationships, but I’ve dated
eveiything from a typical college
guy to an ex-con with eight tat
toos. I’ve been treated many dif
schools the unflushed toilet is
reaching epidemic proportions.
And for what reason?
Is there some obscene monster
guarding that handle? Have stu
dies indicated that bending over
and grabbing that handle is too
strenuous on our backs?
Wait, I know - let me guess!
For the twenty years of my exis
tence no one had told me of the
superstition that flushing the toi
let will bring decades of bad luck.
Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentle
men... please give me a break!
Have we no dignity, morals, or
respect for our parents? We are
not animals but well developed
also wrote Bob.& CaroJ & Ted&
AJice.
Simon and Mazursky did a
great job capturing Nick Fiferis
(Woody Allen) midlife crisis. The
action takes place mostly (as the
title states) in a mall on the
Fiferis sixteenth wedding anni
versary. Nick is a lawyer; his wife
Deborah is a psychologist who
put out her own book about
ferent ways by many different
men, and I know that a good man
treats his woman like what she is
- a warm, sensitive human being
with her own needs, desires, and
dreams. Remember, though, that
if a woman treats you terribly,
she isn’t worth your time or
trouble. Men, keep all of my tips
in mind and you might become a
woman’s “perfect man.”
and civilized people; out of com
mon decency and respect for oth
ers let’s flush those toilets.
Your mother taught you bet
ter. Give the sanitation people
across the nation a break in their
job.
Granted, I know there are
more pressing issues facing us
today like poverty, racism, and
war to name a few but you have
to fill a hole one stone at a time.
So grab those handles! Wrap
your hands with toilet paper,
rubber gloves, or even use the
bottom of your shoe and let’s
make this a better world to live
marital counseling.
Having seen many of their
friends divorce, Nick and
Deborah’s marriage seems to be
going fine.
That’s until they go to the
mall to pick up some stuff for the
anniversary party they were plan
ning and Allen admits to having
an affair. Or two. Or three. “Four
if you count the hooker.”
His professional, understand
ing wife proceeds to throw a fit in
the middle of the mall, smashing
the gift he got for her and
kneeing him in the groin.
She demands a divorce and
later admits to having an affair
herself. The rest of the picture is
a see-saw with either side forgiv
ing the other, until they both
decide to stay with eachother.
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