- The Highapfes Collegian, January 21, 1976
if IIH
Armed Security? On this
campus?
■lt could happen. Those in
favor of arming Security argue
that Security needs guns to
protect us. Communications
with the State Police are had,
so why not arm our hoys and
let them do the job? For in
stance...
Suppose some drug addict
in. the dorm has had one fix
too many (we aUTknow what
those bad little boys and girls
in the dorm do, what with
everything so lax) aixd decides,
"Wow— it ,be neat to
go 1 out in the hallway and -shoot
the first guy who comes out
of the bathroom?" 'So he pulls
out his .357 Magnum and starts
pumping away.
If Security had guns—no
problem. Those of us who lived
through it could say that we’d
witnessed The Shoot-Out at the
/ou inn»
heap o' trouble, bo oy*
You’re Dead
Bang—
ti)
O.K. Coral, Part 11. Those of
us who didn't would have the
honor of dying for the protec
tion of students everywhere.
Let's face it: funs aren't
the answer to potential secur
ity problems on this campus.
The answer lies in bettering
the Security force itself and
improving communications with
the State Police.
It was argued at a recent
SGA meeting that the security
problems on this campus are
minimal and don't warrant the
use of guns. The reply to this
statement was,"lf we haven't
had a fire in the Classroom
Building for a long time,
should we take the fire ex
tinguishers out?" One minor
detail was left unmentioned:
Fire extinguishers put out
fires. Guns put out lives.
U-)*U
Bi-Sensationalism
With this being our coun
try's Bicentennial year, it's
a we won't be around cam
pus on the fourth of July—im
agine. all of the excitement
we'll be missing.
On July At 1976, Highacres
will contribute to our nation's
giant birthday party. To keep
up with the spirit of the Lib
erty Bell, every half hour the
bell on the hill will crack
instead of chime. Security
will commemorate the Bide of
Paul Severe throughout the day
by charging on white steeds
shouting their warning: "The
students are coming, the stu
dents are coming!" Should
anyone get out of line, Secur
ity can whip out their plastic
muskets and pump violators
full of sour balls and jaw
breakers.
In the evening, residents
will dine on Earl and Edie's
Bi-Cen Supper, complete with
Halibut a la Patrick Henry,
Betsy Boss' Bean Supreme,
Franklin's Frozen Fruit Salad
and for dessert, Georgie's
Cherry Pie. The festivities
on the hill then begin with the
Student Union Board sponsoring
a dance (free admission for all
those wearing red, white, and
blue and whistling Yanky Boodle
Dandy backwards).
After fireworks are sent off
the roof of the Classroom Build
ing, all-will gather at the Bi
centennial Kegger to celebrate
the 200th keg to kick on the
fire-line. At that moment mugs
will be raised high in the air
as the third floor guys round
up a chorus of God Bless Ameri
ca.
...a perfect way to end such
a celebration at Penn State.
Unsigned editorials represent
the official opinion of the
COLLEGIAN. Opinions expressed
are those of the individual
contributors and do not reflect
the official views of the
COLLEGIAN. Responsible comment
invited.