THE GOSPEL
ACCORDING
TO THE REV
by Charles Hiller
This be the true story of
the Genesis of Highacres, told
in honor of the fortieth anni
versary.
In the beginning was this
mountain, and the mountain was
without form, and void, and
darkness was upon the face of
that mountain.
And'Dr. Aurand moved over
the mountain and he saw that
it was void, and it was with
out form, and it was dark.
And the Good Doctor said,
"Let there be light," and there
was light; but realizing that
one could have fun in dark
ness, he said to Professor
Shaevel, "Divide the darkness
and the light;" he did so, and
called the light day and the
darkness night.
And that was the first
period.
On the second period the
Good Doctor said, "I shall call
this hill Highacres; let there
be trees and grass (not that
kind); and all kinds of birds
to fly in.the sky above the
hill, and chipmunks and rabbits
to do all kinds of real neat
things on the grass," and
he did so, and saw that it
was good; and that was the
second period.
During the third period
the Good Doctor said, "Let the
trees divide themselves; and
let there be grass meadows,"
and he created two grass
meadows: the one to his
right he called "Soccer field"
and the one to his left he
called "University;" and he
saw that it was good. And
that was the third period.
On the fourth period, Dr.
Aurand said, "The field to my
left is barren; I shall make
a box and I shall call it
Main Building (after Jesse
Main); and next to it I shall
make another box and call it
SUB (named after EdiTa-775ir,"
and on the top of the hill he
made a box of great magnitude
and called it Classroom; and
a smaller next to it called
Library; and in the darkness
he created South and Memorial
and Bookstore. He looked
around at what he had made,
and saw that it was good; and
that was the fourth period.
During fifth period, the
Good Doctor went to the SUB
and had a cup of coffee with
Edna, and said that wasn't
bad; and that was the fifth
period.
During the sixth period
The Great Lord of the Mountain
said, "I shall create an
Everitt Binns and place him in
the SUB; and I shall create a
Dean, and he shall walk into
the Sub and say, 'Where is Mr.
Binns?' and I shall make Mr.,
and Mrs. Dr. David and they shall
go for walks in the woods; I
shall make Professors Price
and Breckenridge and they
shall walk around my hill in
sackcloth and sandals and
have straw on their floors;
I shall make a Mary Ferry and
place her in Library; an
Andrew Kafka, and he shall
carry things in shopping bags;
and I shall want music, so I
shall make a Jumpeter, and he
shall go out with joy, with
gladness of heart to come
unto this mountain of Aurand,
Alleluia." And he created
all kinds of things that
walked and talked and kow
towed and went stalking
for the Wild Gypsy Moth;
and Aurand saw that it was
good, and that was the sixth
period.
At the beginning of
Seventh Period the Good Doctor
saw that what he had created
had nothing to converse with;
no one for Mr. Biacchi to talk
GNP, NP, NI, NNP MICKEY MOUSE
with; no one for Prof. Kafka to
teach kowtowing to; no one for
Prof. Shaevel to sing "Rhapsody
in Blue" to; no one to skip a
TV course; no one for Mr. J.
to make music with; no one for
Dr. Suhre to read to; no one
to fill Dr. Covert's Walk-a-
Thon sponsor card; and no
one to play football with
Mr. Campbell.
So the Good Doctor took
Eric Bell, cut off some of his
long hair, developed some of
his attitude, and made a
"Student." "Go forth and
uollegian, May 20,
2. As part of the Markle
Estate, the South Building
was a sort of greenhouse; la
ter it became R.O.T.C. head
quarters:
3.A caretakerts cottage
stood where our Library is
now; students would enjoy re
creation facilities there.
4. The Bookstore was the
old Chem Building following
its use by the Markle family.
5. (Prof. Concannon has
the answers to this one.)
6. Hazleton - Pierucci
Grove City, Pa. - Covert
McAdoo - Jumpeter
Ashland, Pa. - 6taudenmeier
Mt. Carmel - Aurand
Rushville, Ind. - Price
learn," he said,' "according
to Physics, music, statistics,
logic, Philosophy, and the
other Gifts of Higher Learning."
And now the Professors
had children to teach kowtowing,
tennis, the Greek alphabet,
and. Nihilism; and some one
for Hr. Dandois to teach
the anatomy of an Allen Or
gan; and for the Good Doctor
himself, some one to teach
the legend of the "Great
Hat."
And the Good Doctor looked
over what he had created and
said, "Not everything can be
perfect." And that was the
seventh period. Shalom.
ERNITY
FRAT
ACTIVITIES
On May 7 the Psi Pi
Chapter of Alpha Phi Omega
held its final induction of
the year. Welcomed into mem
bership were Charles Hiller
and Nick Kotchision.
Alpha Phi Omega would
like to think everyone on cam
pus who has helped make our
first year on campus a fantas
tic success. Special thanks
to Dr. David, Dean McCallus,
Mr. Binns, Mr. Krone, Mr. Dun
lop, and Dr. Dandois. We wish
everyone a good summer and
hope to see you all in that
great U -Park in the sky.
QUIZ
continued from page eight
Answers
1. "Lot B" was a soccer
field and the R.O.T.C. practice
field.
1974-Page Nine