HIGHACRES COLLEGIAN
John Bodnarr
How many average college students of aver
age intelligence and knowledge, have heard
the term bus-boy,f If you have, and espec
ially if you know one, your folks should
..heck on the kind of company you’ve been
keeping lately. Generally speaking, a
Dus-'boy is a boy, or young man, hired to
replace! two cooks, two dishwashers, four
waitresses, and a maintenance man. Before
the Civil War thes p boys were known as
"slaves", but when slaves became illegal
the title of the job was changed.
A bus-boy has many dirties to perform. His
main job is to carry any object whatsoever
that is too heavy for a waitress to carry,
from anywhere to somewhere else in the
vicinity of the kitchen or dining room.
Besides this, he has many more odd jobs
to take care of. When a piece of equip
ment is damaged, but not seriously enough
to call a maintenance man, a bus-boy will
be told to fix it, and within a few min
utes the damage will be sufficient to call
in a maintenance man. The bus—boys are
also responsible for cleaning up anything
a waitress or quest ’would, drop on the
floor. If a guest should spill anything
on her blouse through the carelessness of
the bus-boy, an over-anxious bus-boy will
get fired.
The social prestige that accompanies the
job of bus—boy lies somewhere between that
of the hotel-manager and the garbage
collector, leaning a little heavily toward
the garbage collector side. Bus-boys are
looked up to by all people under 4’ 1" in
height.
The pay of a bus-boy is miraculous, the
miracle being that denominations so small
are still being printed in the United
States. To make up for this lack of pay,
the management arranges the hours of the
bus-boy so that he wouldn’t have any time
to spend any money anyway.
The job of bus-boy is a hard position to
achieve. You have to have connections,
like the State Unemployment Bureau. You
have to have intelligence, an I.Q. of at
BUS^BOY
least 25. You must be well-groomed,
a shave once-a-month is compulsory and
a shower is necessary every week when
it doesn’t rain.
To sum it up quickly, a bus-boy does
all the w ork that is not taken care
of by the cooks, dishwashers, and
waitresses, on the pay that is left,
over after the cooks, dishwashers,
and waitresses have been paid.', Ary-’
one who would still like a job as a
bus-boy is either insane, or is not
well-acquainted with the author’s
opinion.
THE LAST MILE
After parking my car in the pit at
the bottom of the hill at Highacres,
I slowly began the grueling ascent
to the main building on the summit.
Because I’m lazy I whipped out my *
slide rule and drawing triangles and
quickly calculated the angle of
elevation of the road which winds its
way up the hillo I now knew how much
energy would be required to propel me
to the top. Then, with the aid of a
little tail wind...oh well, that gets
too complicated.
Little did I realize the danger which
awaited me! Before I reached the
first turn, I noticed a huge bakery
truck bearing down on me at an
enormous speed. I wondered if the
college encouraged a baking business
as an avocation. However, it didn’t
require much intelligence to decide
upon my next move. Quickly, I dived
for the trees on the left side of the
road. However, there was no left side
of the road, and I commenced to roll
down the rocky hill.
My energy theory now was shot, but
who cares about a trifle such as that
when one is bleeding from 101 cuts
and abrasions. Again I started for
the topi This time a car almost got
me from behind, but I managed to
elude it at the last second. However,
the driver seemed disappointed, and I
I expected him to try again on his
way down after he had dropped off his
Stanley Zdep