10 February 18, 2008
By KRIS AUMILLER
Columnist
KRASOIB@PSU.EDU
Did you ever have a lazy week?
Well, I guess for my job it's
two weeks. For me, this was
the ultimate lazy week. Sorry to
disappoint but I only made it to
one new movie. Therefore, I went
to my massive DVD collection
and picked out two movies that
I haven't watched in a while and
decided to review those for my
other two movies. Don't like it?
What do you wanna do? Fight
about it?
Steve Zahn, Allen Covert, 1 Hour,
27 Minutes
After I saw the
preview for this movie,
I had to see it. It started
with a Happy Madison
productions lead-in,
so you know Adam
Sandler had to have
an eye for a funny
movie. Even though
he isn't in it, his posse
is, and I think those
guys are pretty funny
in their small roles.
Accompanying the cast are up-and
corners Jonah Hill ("Superbad")
and Justin Long ("Accepted"),
playing smaller roles.
Peter Gaulke (Zahn, "Saving
Silverman") is the host of a
struggling wildlife TV show. The
show was a dominating force when
his father hosted but after he died,
Peter took over and it has spiraled
down into the 3 AM timeslot. He
best friend and Sound Man, Fred
Wolf (Covert, "Grandma's Boy"),
accompanies him on every trip
out into the wild. While recording
a voiceover, they are interrupted
"Heroes" due
By JAMES COUC HE
Columnist
JCTS 1 0 1 @PSU . EDU
"No More Heroes" is the
latest creation of oddball game
designer Goichi Suda (Suda
51), the man who brought us the
stylish yet frustrating "Killer
7". The game centers around
Travis Touchdown, a twenty
something otaku (anime lover)
who becomes an assassin after
winning a beam katana at an
internet auction. After having
a violent run-in with the 11"'
ranked assassin, Travis sets his
sights on becoming the number
1 assassin in the country.
Like Suda 51's previous
efforts, "No More Heroes' .
is oozing with style. The
developers compensated for
the Wii's inferior graphics by
ramping up the art design and
the result is a game that is quite
stunning at times. The game has
an extreme high contrast, cell
shaded look and the character
designs are very unique, giving
the game a lot more personality
than most of the photo-realistic
games out there for other
systems. Unfortunately, this
doesn't extend to the world that
these characters inhabit. The
city of Santa Destroy is mostly
very drab without much detail,
and its streets are so devoid of
activity at times it seems like a
ghost town.
"No More Heroes" is separated
into two distinct parts; a Grand
Theft Auto—style city and over-the
top battle sequences. These two
sections are as different as night
and reminded that they have a
meeting with their network head.
Upon arriving, they are showed
"highlights" of their show. When
they have no defense for what they
have been showing, their boss
says the show has two weeks left
and then it is cancelled. Gaulke
and Wolf go back to their office to
think up ideas to save the show.
Then, an old friend of his father's,
Bill Calhoun (Joe Don Baker,
"Golden Eye") stops by with a
map of a cave where the legendary
Bigfoot is hiding.
I'm not gonna beat around the
bush and lie to you: This is one
of the stupidest movies I've ever
seen in my life. However, due
to the amount of one-liners and
humor (and one scene that involves
a shark), I think
everyone should see
it at least one time.
Justin Long plays
a pothead way too
well. As for Jonah
Hill, I'm not sure
what exactly he was
supposed to be doing
other than yelling
out random lines,
123ZM1
but it was amazing.
And for you "Super
Trooper" fans, the great Farva is in
this one too.
2 out of 5. The movie was dreadful
) )
However, it was funny enough to
salvage 2
COUNT OF MONTE
CRISTO
Jim Caviezel, Guy Pearce, 2 Hours,
11 Minutes
Like I said, I blew the dust off
of the great shelf and picked two
and day and it makes the game feel
disjointed. The open-world section
is the game's biggest shortcoming.
Pop-up and frequent slowdown
Travis, the main character of "No More Heroes" (Wii). weilds his "beam katana" in preparation
from open-ended sandbox play to intense battles.
makes it so ugly and unplayable
that it seems like a bad joke by the
developers. The biggest problem
with it is that there is next to
nothing to do; no combat, not much
detail to explore, and you only
get one vehicle. The monotony is
temporarily broken when Travis
THE CAPITAL TIMES
winners for your reading pleasure.
This forgotten movie headlines two
great actors, Jim Caviezel and Guy
Pearce. Caviezel has been good
in the three movies I've seen him
in and he had the balls to risk his
career by playing Jesus in "The
Passion of the Christ." As for
Pearce, check out "Memento," and
"L.A. Confidential."
Second mate Edmond Dantes
(Caviezel) and his friend Fernand
Mondego (Pearce), officers of
a French trading ship heading
towards Elba, are seeking help and
medical attention to assist their
ship's captain, despite the fact that
the British are instructed to kill
anyone who sets foot upon the
island. Upon arriving, Dantes and
Mondego are chased by British
Dragoons who believe them to
be spies of the exiled French
Leader Napoleon Bonaparte. They
would have died were it not for
the Emperor's timely arrival and
declaration that they
are not his agents.
They are then brought
to Napoleon's lodge
to treat their dying
captain. Later in the
evening, Napoleon
calls upon the ignorant
Dantes to ask of him
a simple favor; to
give a letter to an old
friend back home in
France. He swears that
the letter is innocent,
yet still requests
that its existence be revealed
to no one, not even Mondego.
When the captain dies later that
night, they are sent on their way.
Once arriving at the port city of
Marseilles, Dantes is reprimanded
by the ship's first mate, for
disobeying orders. The shipping
company's boss is inspired by
takes on part-time jobs to afford suplexes and power bombs to lay
his next ranked match. These side waste to his opponents. The motion
jobs are glorified mini-games that controls were used in moderation
are usually just as tedious and for this game and it helps to keep
repetitive as real part-time jobs
This game truly shines when
Travis has his beam katana armed
The combat in "No More Heroes"
is flashy and addictive and blows
away anything else on the Wii.
Travis combines sword fighting
with wild wrestling moves like
Dantes' bravery and responsibility
and thereupon promotes him
to captain, over the first mate.
Dantes' fiancée Mercedes Iguanada
(Dagmara Dominczyk, "Running
with Scissors") is intercepted
by Mondego, who seeks her for
himself, asking her to sleep with
him. She refuses, and speaks of an
incident from their past as children.
They discuss the fact that Edmond
will not be able to afford marriage
to her for two whole years. When
Mondego learns of Dantes' luck,
however, they all realize that the
wait will now be much shorter
than two years. Mondego is ridden
with envy. Soon after, Mondego
conspires with the ship's first mate
revealing that he knew what was
in the letter and brings charges of
treason on Dantes. For this, he is
thrown a prison called Château d'lf
where France's "embarrassments"
are placed to rot.
Obviously I cannot watch my
opening, Caviezel
and Pearce destroy
their roles and the supporting actors
back them up so well. However, I
never understood why everyone had
a British accent when they were all
supposed to be French.
RATING:
_ _ '<ern)!
things streamlined and enjoyable
Button presses perform basic
attacks while kill slashes and
wrestling moves use the system's
motion controls. Combat is fluid,
responsive and feels very natural.
Every action sequence begins with
you cutting a path through legions
ITS
massive collection
continuously, even
though I do have
that kind of time.
However, I haven't
watched this movie
in a few years and I
remembered why I
bought it...because
it's great! Slightly
unbelievable, but
great nonetheless.
Like I said in the
4 out 5. Should definitely see it,
and Guy Pearce should make more
than one movie every two years.
EIGHT MEN OUT
John Cusack, Michael Rooker, I
Hour, 59 Minutes
This movie is about the 1919
Chicago "Black" Sox, who were
involved in the greatest black mark
in baseball history (even with all
the steroid crap going on now).
This supposedly unbeatable team
had seven players on it that threw
the World Series. Due to a number
of reasons, Eddie Cicotte, Lefty
Williams, "Shoeless"
Joe Jackson, Oscar
"Happy" Felsch,
Charles "Swede"
Risberg, Fred
McMullin, and Arnold
"Chick" Gandil were
all culprits who agreed
to take $20,000 to lose
Unfortunately, George
"Buck" Weaver was
approached, but never
reported it. Therefore,
his name is tarnished
forever.
The movie opens with the Sox
winning the pennant. When the
team goes down to the clubhouse,
Eddie Cicotte (David Strathairn,
"The Bourne Ultimatum") asks
about the bonus that was promised
to the team. When the man in
front of them says that it's the
champagne that they are holding,
they are obviously disgusted
until they pop it. To add insult to
injury, it's flat. During the team's
celebration in a bar, gamblers
approach Chick (Rooker, "JFK")
to see what it would taU to fix the
series. Chick says it would take
seven or eight guys for $lO,OOO
each. However, he tells this to
two different people to double his
for
of faceless bodyguards before
facing the latest ranked assassin.
These "boss fights" are quite
intense, playing out like a battle of
e. "No More Heroes" trans
wits that requires fast reflexes and
careful strategy. Had this been the
sole focus of the game, "No More
Heroes" would have fared much
better as a whole. As it is, the over
the top battles serve as the light at
the end of the tunnel.
Aside from the combat, the
money. The series comes along, the
players (that I mentioned above)
are in, and the gamblers lay down
their bets. Besides the gamblers, no
one else knows that the fix is on.
Not only is this a good sports
movie (with it's attention to detail
and great baseball action), it is a
great movie about the time period
in general. In 1919, obviously,
players didn't make nearly the
salaries that they do today. For
example, Eddie Cicotte was paid
$9,000 for the whole season in
which he won 29 games. There
was a part of his contract where he
would get a bonus
for winning 30
games, but it was
denied because "29
is not 30." So, he
took $lO,OOO to
throw just Game
1. For those of you
who are terrible
at math, he just
doubled his annual
income. That, and
it is a great movie
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The "Black" Sox
scandal is in the top 5 for biggest
scandals in sports history. The
White Sox could've dominated the
Reds in a sweep, but they rolled
over for the money. Personally, I
think it is a root of why players
today make so much cash.
Anyway, John Cusack is brilliant
(Just like he is in everything,
so underrated) and it has a
great depiction of the amazing
"Shoeless" Joe Jackson
RATING
-,cc)C~~>Cr
5 out 5. Brilliant movie, even if
you aren't a baseball fan.
game's strongest quality is its
main character, Travis Touchdown.
What sets him apart from the
Master Chiefs of gaming is the
fact that he is very flawed.
Travis tries to play it cool but
frequently becomes the victim
of his own dorkiness. He gets
abused, humiliated, and taken
advantage of by everyone from
his opponents to his beautiful
but vindictive agent Sophie.
Despite this, Travis always
manages to come out on top but
further misfortune is never far
away. These qualities, while
strange at times, make the
character relatable in ways that
most video game heroes are not.
While crafting this game, Suda
51 obviously wore his geek
tendencies on his sleeve. "No
More Heroes" is littered with
references to movies, anime and
even other video games. It is no
accident that the beam katana
looks and sounds exactly like
a lightsaber. Other references
include fighting a baseball
team called "The Warriors",
a motorcycle straight out of
"Akira", and collecting seven
familiar-looking orange balls
for an old man. Even the old
perverted ninja master makes
an appearance though he seems
to be more interested in Travis
than he is in young girls. Arcade
games of the late 80's receive
homage at various points in the
game and even the controversy of
"Manhunt 2" is poked fun at.
If you are looking for an open
ended game on the Wii to fill the
void of Grand Theft Auto, do
yourself a favor and buy "The
Godfather: Blackhand Edition".
about a sad story
• •