Visitor's spots are for visitors?
By LISA STONE
Staff Reporter
LCSI67SPSU.EDU
With the dedication of the
members of Student Activities,
the CUB, and all of the other
departments on campus, the
Olmsted Building is often visited
by rather prestigious individuals
and those from the community who
come to see them. It is through
the effort of the individuals of the
aforementioned organizations that
What the
By MATT MILLER
Sports Reporter
MGMSOOO©PSU EDU
Congratulations! By deciphering
the text of which you are currently
viewing you can officially read.
This means you are, at the least a
literate individual. If you attend
Penn State Harrisburg, I would
venture to say that you are also a
'rather smart and competent soul
as well and, by saying this, I am
admitting that you are not a moron.
Unfortunately, for the rest of all
human existence not everyone falls
into this broad category of "not
a moron." I stumbled upon this
staggering fact some time back, but
only recently deemed it necessary
to publish an article noting the
true existence of "morons." These
we have the opportunities that
we do. And yet many students
continually disrespect both them
and their guests by deliberately
taking the parking spaces set aside
for their use.
Who would do such a thing? The
college students who apparently
find signs such as "Visitor's
Parking Only" too complicated. I
have walked by and seen student
tags right in the Visitor's spot. Or,
my absolute favorite people, the
charming so-and-so's who take
down their tag because they are
people can be seen almost
anywhere, but often times shield
their moronic traits by blending
in with the rest of common
society. They rather reveal
themselves in a fit of glory I like
to call, "WTF moments."
As previously stated, you are
not a moron. But, for the benefit
of all the slow witted persons, a
"WTF moment" is a moment in
which you become so frustrated
with something you spout the three
glorious words, "WHAT THE
F***!" Maybe this happens rarely
for you but, for me, this short line
of poetry is an all too common
staple of my everyday diction.
Are you shocked? Are you
appalled? Have you shielded
your child's ears even though
they cannot hear the text? If you
have, then worry not; for it is not
my vulgar mouth that makes me
says these words, but rather than
action and operations of full
fledged morons. I would now like
to take the time to discuss a few
"WTF moments."
As I calmly walked into the
electronic metropolis more
commonly known as Best Buy,
a touch of excitement filled my
body. The type of joy a small boy
gets when he kills an ant with a
magnifying glass or strikes his
younger sibling in the eye with a
small shard of an Oreo.
CULTUKi\LLY INEPT
By OSCAR BEISERT
Staff Reporter
ODB 1 02@PSU.EDU
After being more than fashionably
late to a deadline, my column
wasn't the only surprising feature
on last issue's op-ed page; however,
my surprise was immediately
diverted to an editorial written by
one of my fellows. After a semester
of my usual jibs at the Student
Government Association (SGA)—
which, in all actuality, is usually just
aimed at El Presidente himself—l
was happy, even with the lack of
validity, to see some sign
of life on the other side of the
opinion spectrum.
While I understand the frustrations
raised in Ms. 's Editorial,
I remain perplexed as to why she
took all of my columns to be so
spear headed in attacking SGA. I
had to ask myself, was it her or me
who had really paid little attention
to the premises of my complaints
regarding SGA?
Later that week at my usual
meeting with Dr. Richman, where
apparently too important to walk an
extra 10 to 20 feet.
I would like to point something
out to all of the students who fall
into either of these categories. Has
it occurred to any of you that maybe
there are actual visitors who NEED
those spots? They will get ticketed
because they have to park in non
visitor's spots (the ones reserved
for students and staff/faculty), and
it is your fault. A good word for that
kind of behavior is ignorant.
It doesn't matter if you are late!
It doesn't matter if it is only a 50
s%*#... •
It was a good day to be alive, or
so I thought.
When my stroll through Best
Buy ended, (and yes I say stroll
because I never really buy anything
there, but rather play video games,
and type obtuse messages on the
computer screens) I was about to
step out when I pondered the horrid
cold that would ensue on my walk
back to my mode of transportation.
I quickly Macgyvered a plan that
involved the purchase of a chap
stick for my lips were quite parched
and in need of quenching. I chose
the cherry flavored variety for it is
the best flavor of all the chap sticks
and walked confidently towards the
checkout counter, proud of my first
official Best Buy purchase.
The cashier looked at me as if I
had elbow dropped an older blind
woman. I didn't see what could
bring a gawk of this nature. Then
realized she was a moron, and
showed her the chap stick I wished
to purchase.
She charged me the desired fee
and waited for the transaction to
finish. I waited for what seemed
like weeks, as her cash register
malfunctioned and sputtered
excessive amounts of receipt paper
onto the floor. To my surprise she
proceeded to tear the receipt of
doom, and handed it to me and
said, "Here's your receipt, have a
nice day."
OPINION
A 81-MONTHLY PONTIFICATION
we continued our discussion on the
topic of American Decorative Arts
(1830-1900), I shared with him
some of the findings I had retained
during my analysis of his assigned
reading—The Architecture of
Country Houses. This text involved
the architectural philosophy of
A.J. Downing, a well renowned
American Architect of the early to
mid 19th century.
In his effort, he relates his
designs to a greater meaning. For
example, in a country home one
must remember its purpose and
proprietor. In the case of a country
house as a primary residence versus
one that is a second home to a
wealthy urban family, there are
many different things one should
consider. Importantly, the small
and humble home of a factory
worker, which Downing calls a
cottage, should be appropriately
representative of the factory worker.
Rather than decorating such a home
with cheap ornaments, the house
should represent a strong sense of
humility and practicality.
For instance, a small home of
the Greek revival style with a large
porch illuminated by columns is
just wrong according to Downing.
Its incorrect form rises when such
a home achieves a level of stature
that its interiors and size cannot live
up to.
On the other hand, the home
of a wealthy intellectual should
by no means mirror the image of
their city residence. In this, which
Downing describes to be a Villa,
such a home should be an intriguing
venue, useful for retreat with the
minute class! You are a student.
The majority of your peers have
purchased their parking pass and
park where they are supposed to. It
is time you do so as well.
And for those of you that already
do so, I thank you from the bottom
of my heart. Having your pass
clearly displayed on your rearview
mirror and parking in the student
sections may seem like a small thing
to you, but the visitors to campus,
myself and the Police Services
employees truly appreciate you
being a responsible, decent person.
My mind ran rampant, how could
I possibly have a nice day after
the lady at the register handed
me a bibles worth of paper she
so arrogantly called a receipt. I
could have sworn the register was
broken, but as I watched in utter
horror, countless numbers of other
innocent souls received these long
doctored scrolls of death. I couldn't
even fathom what text could be
on this "receipt" as they called it.
Did they expect me to read this
non-sense? I had only bought one
chap stick. One cherry chap stick.
But to my delight, I ran my eyes
down about 7 feet worth of paper
to find that I had received a 3 dollar
rebate for a 1000" big screen TV,
a coupon to McDonalds, one free
guitar lesson, and a voucher for
a free game at the penny arcade;
all at the bottom of this wonderful
receipt for my cherry chap stick.
As I re-rolled my scroll into
my pocket I wondered, why
are my pockets so small? And
also wondered who found it
necessary to include all these
ridiculous things on my massive
Best Buy receipt.
That was when it hit me...
morons. This was the clear and
present work of morons. So the
next time you go to Best Buy, you
can ponder the idea of why morons
are on the brainstorming team at
Best Buy... pffff, Best Buy my ass.
THE CAPITAL TIMES February 6, 2006
appropriate comfortable elements
of a country home. These are just
two minor elements to consider in
regards to Downing's philosophy of
symbolic architecture.
Another topic that was included
in my stylistic analysis was the
subject of the Egyptian Revival
period. Most of us know little about
the reasoning behind America's
use of this style or are even able to
recognize its presence.
A perfect example for those of
you familiar with our national
monuments is the obelisk dedicated
to George Washington centered in
the D.C. Mall.
One might ask, why this stylistic
period? Well, after the American
Revolution, we wanted nothing
to do with England; however, as
a new nation we had very little to
look to in regards to style. So we
looked directly to England's greatest
enemy and our benefactor in the
revolution—France. This led to our
adoption of Empire furniture of
the early 19th century, which was
directly related to the Empire
of Napoleon.
As we know, Napoleon's goal was
to conquer the world. In his efforts
he documented, for the first time,
the treasures of Egypt, which led to
the use of the obelisk and the trend
of the Egyptian Revival.
If you're still with me, I'll give
you the summation of my premise
that you've most likely been
awaiting. Because, we—generally—
as Americans fail to notice or
fathom—do to ignorance and/or
apathy—the intrinsic symbolism
and meaning behind some of our
Taking A Stand
For Writers...
By ANDREW KOSER
Staff Reporter
AJK233@PSU.EDU
Once, during my productive
years as a freelance writer, I
wrote a poem titled Observation
of The Living Room. Observation,
yes, I observed something and I
wrote about it. There were a few
moments in my life where I sat
back on the couch in my father's
living room and wrote a piece that
at the time I felt was my finest
work. Everything, for the most
part, was all there, but then I had
to write the lines:
A half-filled glass of iced tea on
the coffee table contains a dead fly.
Floating legs upward, wings down.
Still drinkable yet psychological
thinking says otherwise.
None of that was true, except for
the glass of iced tea on the table.
There was no fly floating whatever
which way or any pertinent
psychological thinking occurring.
Simply I made that part up.
Now since I have admitted my
observation was partially untrue
I am sure Oprah Winfrey will be
rescinding any future invite to
her book club if I ever publish
something of length.
Am I being cynical? Yes,
most definitely. It is not just
Oprah though; it is every news
organization, unshady and
shady magazine publication, go
with the conservative opinion
bandwagoner, ignorant student and
blah blah blah.
James Frey, author of A Million
Little Pieces, has become the most
unpopular writer for doing what
he apparently loves to do...write.
The novel—currently reigning
atop the best-sellers lists—is being
analyzed for how true it really is
to Frey's life. Frey contends it is
a true representation of his lowly
self in the previous years.
Does anyone realize how boring
this world would be if every writer
would chronicle things verbatim?
"I have to admit I feel duped,"
said Rene Syler of the CBS Early
Show. Well, to her I say I am glad.
I am glad that she, and many of
those out there in this crazy world,
think that everything you read is
the absolute truth.
greatest treasures—our homes and
our patriotic representations—how
can I expect an undergraduate
student government representative
to comprehend a deeper meaning
behind my academically
undernourished opining efforts?
In my closing column of the fall
semester, I alluded to the fact that
I, as a student, have no obligation
to attend SGA meetings and that
just as an active student, I deserve
the right to be represented by those
who sought representative powers
and even voice my opinion, which I
feel is a contribution in itself that is
rarely made by others.
After reviewing my columns, I
felt better about myself in that after
some of my hot-headed lampooning
of a particular subject, I am usually
able to formulate my topic into an
idealistic question that I hope my
readers will ponder; I am not afraid
nor will I refrain from humbling
myself when need be.
I do not try to pose any of my
opinions as the answers to the
questions I entertain; instead, my
intent is to assist in providing
diversity in analysis. Rather than
just accepting the world for its face
value, 1 work to withdraw a deeper,
more virtual meaning from the basic
fabric of what is seen as an ordinary
part of our daily lives.
So, in matters of the deeper
meaning, are we, as Americans,
incapable of accessing value
beyond a label or clearly written
exclamation, and in our most
advanced era, is it possible that the
art of true symbolism has escaped
modern (wo)man?
Writing, at least in my own
opinion, is the best outlet for pure
imagination. Did you enjoy the
Lord of the Rings movies? Well yes
you may be too young to realize
this, but those movies came from
books...books written by someone
with an imagination.
"But James Frey's book is
a retelling of his life, not a
fantasy novel," is a thought that
immediately may jump into your
head. So what? The best attribute
a true writer may have is to make
a better story out of the one that is
before him or her.
Think about it this way. Let's say
last Friday you had a really bad day
and you never want to experience
a day like that again. So, when you
get home and talk to whomever,
you retell your day. Now you know
your day sucked, but the person
you are telling really does not see it
as that bad. Later on you retell your
bad day to others, and each time
you retell the story it might get a
little bit exaggerated. You want
the person hearing about your day
to actually feel your bad day with
you. C'mon, we have all done
this right?
Now I do not know James Frey
and most likely I never will, but
I am guessing that perhaps this
thought process just mentioned
occurred when he wrote A Million
Little Pieces. And since I know
most of you out there do not know
how the book publishing world
works, it is also quite possible he
was told from editors, "maybe you
should emphasize this part a little
bit or make it seem worse."
Frey admits he did shop the novel
around as a fiction piece before
selling it as nonfiction. Honestly
there is no such thing as either pure
fiction or pure nonfiction.
Fiction is always derived from
something and nonfiction is up
to one's interpretation, therefore
making it subjective to the truth.
Yet maybe the best thing to come
out of this whole Frey thing is that
people are actually putting down
those iPods and are picking up
books. And for those of you that
feel Frey duped you, remember the
fact that YOUR President screwed
you for far more than the 15 bucks
you spent on the book.