F elines
Continued from page 1
"After many days of research and studies,
we have proved conclusively that people who
live with cats are way ahead of the game than
dog owners," he said. "It appears to follow
the phenomena of people living together in
long term relationships who begin to look,
talk, think, act, eat, sing and walk alike."
One of the studies was conducted in a gas
station. Using hidden cameras, occupants of
the cars were observed while pumping gas.
According to Stuffit, dog owners pulled into
the station, screeched to a halt, leapt out of
their car, bounded around the car several
times, and then sniffed out a spot to stand
while pumping the gas.
What followed next is termed as the cru
cial "acting-out" phase of nonverbal evi
dence, according to Stuffit. The dog owner
anxiously looked over every person who
pulled in to pump gas beside them; sneering
Casino
Continued from page 1
of the entertainment! I’ve always wanted to
see Wayne Newton!”
When asked about the present lack of le
galized gambling in Pennsylvania, a Ceasar’s
Palace spokesperson said, “We have ways of
dealing with this. Look for the grand open
ing next year.”
Not everyone is optimistic on the campus.
“Frankly, I’m shocked and dismayed,” said
Ima Professor. “I was looking forward to
more office space, and now the old library
stays where it is? We’ll just see about this.”
Most students were apathetic. “I’ll believe
it when I see it,” said Matt Outahere. "I’m
Feaser captures Ist Place at Penn State Bowl
The honor of one local school was entrusted
into the sweat soaked hands of five seventh
and eighth graders.
Overcoming their nerves, the students from
Middletown’s Feaser Middle School pulled
together to capture their second consecutive
victory at the Penn State High Acheivers Aca
demic Bowl.
Held at Penn State Harrisburg, the event
featured 63 students representing nine mid
state elementary schools.
The purpose of the academic bowl, spon
sored by the university and the Harrisburg
Area community Recruitment Center, was to
create greater awareness of multi-cultural is
sues among students, said center director
Barbara Thompson.
Feaser survived seven greuling rounds of
questions to outscore Swatara Junior High
School, 30-22, and earn a $5O gift certificate
and a plaque donated by Nancy Curley, di
Reign
at some, drooling at others and barking at
those who got too close to their space. He
did not reveal
“A dog will
chase after
anything,
because they
are hyper
motion-sensor
machines."
pulling in the
opposite direction of every one else. They
made no attempt at eye contact with anyone,
except to occasionally bate the dog owners
by moving too close to their space. If they
spent a long time at the pump, according to
just glad I’m graduating soon and can move
to another state that won’t use my money for
their whims. Um, I mean country.”
The casino is expected to gamer five tril
lion dollars for the state, college, and the ca-
sino in the first month alone, since it will be
the first in the state.
The Mayor of Harrisburg is reportedly
looking into the possibility of altering the
Susquehanna's table bed to create a link with
riverboat gambling. "It would be nice to float
gamblers to the campus casino starting in
Harrisburg," said a spokesman for the Mayor.
"From the riverboat to the airport, then by
private helicopter to Caesars- it would be a
great package. We are trying to sign on Wayne
Newton for the riverboat," he added.
The nearby town of Middletown is ex
pected to be razed to make way for parking
and more casinos in the future
rector of Penn State’s Downtown Center.
Linglestown Junior High School took third
place. “ This presented a very good chal
lenge to us, “ Feaser team member Jessica
Clouser said. The contest is designed to build 1
relationships, strengthen students’ presenta
tion skills and build their knowledge of vari
ous cultures while introducing them to PEnn
State University.
“These students learn a great deal, not just
about the diversity that surrounds them, but
they also learn about themselves, “ said game
announcer Vera Cornish. “We are a multi
cultural society and the more prepared a per
son is to deal with that the better off they will
be.”
“This really is a chance for us to observe
the capabilities of a large amount of students
at once, “ PSH provost and Dean John Bruhn
said.
The Jeopardy-style game was started by
if there was
any territory
marking with
Cat owners,
on the other
hand, first
aloofly ob
served car
patterns at the
pumps before
Stuffit, many would spend the time groom
ing themselves in their car's side mirror or
simply nod off for a quick snooze.
The driver then filled out a questionnaire
to determine whether they owned a cat or dog.
“We pretty much knew who owned what just
by what we'd observed, even without the
questionnaire,” said Stuffit.
Reactions from the public were varied. The
White House immediately released the news
that Buddy had “run away.” “We’ll miss
him,” said the President, “but I favor Socks."
staff members at PS-Mckeesport’s pep pro
gram more than 10 years ago. Thompson said
it was originally designed to encourage el
ementary school students to become aware
of multi-culturalism within their communi
ties. The contest consisted of seven, ten
minute rounds with a shortened three minute
final round.
Students were quizzed on various topics
including geography, politics, world cultures
and sports. The questions, provided by PSH
researchers, were pulled from a variety of
sources, including the Black Americans
Acheivement Board Game, African-Ameri
can Answer Book Facts and the school’s Af
rican, Asian, and Hispanic collections.
Many bowl participants, such as Steelton-
Highspire School District eighth grader Tony
Perez, began preparing for the contest in early
nuthinbuta.
Black Hole
Please see "Feeser" on page 4
Hie Capital Times
“Balderdash!” howled Ken L. Ration, head
of the Dog Seeders and Breeders Club of
America. “This institute is obviously run by
people who own cats, and I hate cats. My
dog hates cats. What is so great about those
furballs? Can they leap in the air after a
Frisbee?”
This is the type of example that Stuffit
points to as evidence in their findings. “A dog
will chase after anything, because they are
hyper motion-sensor machines. A cat, how
ever will sit thoughtfully and ponder the evi
dence: what's in this for me? What else is
there to do? And most importantly, they will
consider the last time they groomed their own
fur, something a smelly dog will never do.”
There is only one exception to the findings,
however. “People who own aardvarks seem
to be the smartest of any pet owners, while
all other types of pets did not seem to mat
ter,” said Dr. Stuffit.
In households with both cats and dogs, the
effect is canceled out by just a hair,” said Dr.
Stuffit. “This means that the stupidity of dogs
is greater than the power of a cat’s intelli
gence to have a positive effect on the own
ers. A cat just doesn’t care. The dog and its
owners exist for the cats entertainment.”
SMB
TJ yi O TTT
(flotomilLJ
Continued from page 1
egates to the event, said Dr. Callem Gilpin,
coordinator of PSH’s social science depart
ment. Once selected as a delegate, each stu
dent is assigned a specific country to research.
At the conference, each person than repre
sents that country.
Gilpin emphasized the importance of prepa
ration.
“During a session you can’t throw out any
idea because you have to be able to defend
it. You need to be prepared. “
Northern York juniors Heather Frampton,
Hollie Hawk, Jessica Spangler, and Nick
O’Connell spent one hour each day prepar
ing for the conference as part of their United
Nations club. Every week they discuss key
international topics.
“ You gain what you put in, but it’s a good
experience because it allows you to step out
of the US point of view, if only for a little
while, and adopt another country’s views on
issues, “ O’Connell said.
“ It’s great because students get to learn
about procedures and become more open
minded, “ said Northern York teacher and
club advisor Dave Ramsey.