Student Government Association to return to 70's-
Barb Roy shows their new look.
-Page 4
April 1,1999
Volume XXXIX, Number 2
The planned "library" currently under construction at
PSH will be a Ceasar's Palace Casino-Harrisburg instead.
Clinton seeking girls
for education reform
by Kristy Pipher
Staff Writer
Yesterday during a White House press
conference in the Rose Garden, President
William Jefferson Clinton proposed a series
of education reform initiatives.
The President, joined by representatives of
The National Organization For Women,
detailed the new initiatives which he stated
as "near and dear to his heart."
Citing his concern for the young people of
the country, he said that he is very intersested
in education. Topping his priorities is a
Photo by " That ' s 'Madam' to y.
Barb Roy
Capital Times
full tuition program for students
who meet the rigid standards set
by the President.
The full tuition initiative
requires that the successful
candidate must be an able
bodied female between the ages
of eighteen and nineteen. Looking for new hugs and new recruits in his education reform bill.
A committee appointed by the President The committee is set to review applications
will review applications. Members will beginning early next week. The candidates
include Penthouse publisher Larry Flynt, will be judged on their willingness to assume
former U.S. Senator Gary Hart, shock jock a variety of positions within the White House,
radio host Howard Stem, and former Love the* l- appreciation for fine cigars, and the
Connection host Chuck Woolery. Please see "Education " on page 3
Feline owners are cat's meow
What many have long suspected has been
conclusively proven by the Institute of Sci
entists Who Just Know These Things: people
who own cats are much smarter and more
creative than those who own dogs.
Michael Bolton to rock PSH asleep. Brad Moist gives
him the finger up.
•seepage 5
Yesterday's news tomorrow. ...Maybe.
Palace courtesy of
internet
By Barb Roy
Editor
Future library to be a casino
By Barb Roy
Editor
The proposed building that is currently
under construction on the Penn State Har
risburg campus is no longer a library, as origi
nally planned. Officials at the Penn State
Harrisburg campus revealed that the build
ing, which began consruction last Spring
1998, will now be a casino when it is fin
ished. The projected date of completion is
Fall of 2000.
“We decided that it was a heck of a huge
building for a place just to hold books,’’ said
a school official, who declined identification.
“No other buildings on the campus look very
nice and this one will, so why waste it on a
library? The college always needs a cashcow,
arid so it became the obvious choice to turn
it into a casino instead.”
Dr. Yukan Stuffit, head of the institute,
made the formal announcement from insti
tute headquarters in London, England,
where it is a commonly observed phenom
enon for cats to visit the Queen.
Please see "Felines" on page 3
Shocking revelations of animal cruelty in hands of
professors uncovered by Dan Zehr.
-see page 7
One group of people who were not sur
prised by the news were the construction
workers on the site. “Well, we suspected
something when we had to tear out some
floors and erect a huge stage,” said Fore
man Orwin Drillbit. “The clincher was the
fountains, though. That and the craps tables
I saw on the invoice.”
The change in plans began last autumn
when Ceasars Palace Casino in Las Vegas
began to look eastward for a sister palace.
When they heard that Pennsylvania was
going to legalize gambling, they approached
school officials with their proposal.
“It may seem like an odd choice of loca
tion, but we couldn’t refuse their offer,” said
a school official. “It will jointly benefit both
the school and them money-wise, and think
Please see "Casino " on page 3
Students take global
view at a mock UN
Hoisting blue placards that displayed th£
names of their respective countries high intc
the air, delegates vehemently debatec
weighty issues of global warming, arms pro
iteration, and ethnic strife.
Marked by constant bickering, negotiating,
nd shouting, the Friday afternoon caucus ol
tie Social, Humanitarian, and Cultural Com
nittee seemed a typical assembly at the
Jnited Nations.
But the delegates ranged in ages from 12
8. And they arrived in school vans, rathei
lian Mercedes sporting “ diplomat” license
More than 300 students representing ovei
£0 mid state and two New Jersey schools tool
3art in the Model United Nations held Thurs
lay through yesterday at Penn State Harris
jurg.
The conference was a chance for student!
to hone their writing, critical thinking anc
eadership skills, while learning about work
affairs and other nations’ viewpoints.
Each school is invited to send up to 18 del
Please see "United Nation " on page 3
by Ken Lopez
Staff Writer