Letterman's leaving creates listlessness
Michael Stone
Capital Times Staff
The new
,year has brought about some
change. More tension overseas. Bill
Clinton is now President Clinton
(although when I saw Barry Manilow sing
at his inagural. I wanted to take my vote
for Clinton back). Excuse me whilst I take
on a Jerry Seinfeld persona, but WHAT IS
THE DEAL WITH THIS NEW
CRYSTAL PEPSI? Is it clear? Is it'
Pepsi? Why does it taste like a
combination of Sprite and Coke? Who are
the ad wizards who came up with this
one? Did our bitching and moaning about
the Penn State deal prompt this? I DONT
THINK SO.
Okay--back to my boring, paranoid
self. My idol and reason for living has
gone. David Letterman has said "SEE
YA!" to NBC and General Electric and
flown into the open arms of CBS. It's
rumored that NBC actually did leave Dave
a message at his house saying that they'd
match CBS, but Dave never got it. You
see, Dave has a GE answering machine
(Hah! Give me a break...it's been a long
week and I got socks for Christmas,
okay?)
We're in store for some interesting
changes. First, "Late Night" is an NBC
trademark, so Dave has to change the
Presidential Promises the Bill is due
Michele Loeper
Capital Times Staff
A young man sits alone is his room
weeping because his brother has just been
called to duty. The man is kneeling down
with his head in his hands. The salt from
his tears bums his eyes. He realizes that,
unlike his brother, he will never win a
medal of honor, or feel the glory of
serving his country. The same country that
this man weeps for is telling him that he
is not worthy to serve'in the military. It is
not because he is physically unfit, or the
slightest bit unhealthy, but simply
because he is gay.
It doesn't seem fair, in a country that
stresses individualism, that an individual is
not permitted to fight for freedom simply
because he is "different." In an attempt to
change the banning of homosexuals from
the military, President Clinton has
Cultural puppets
Lisa Malask
Capital Times Staff
We are marionettes, and puppeteers
constantly pull our strings. Don't be
fooled by my metaphor; I'm not plagued
by insanity. On the other hand, perhaps
I'm sane, and the rest of the world i s
crazy; or maybe I'm crazy, and the rest of
the world is sane. Nevertheless, my goal
is to discuss a philosophy that may make
you feel like you've just entered the
"Twilight Zone." We are all objects of
extreme manipulation. What does this
mean? I won't dance around the subject
with witty repartee. I'm simply stating
that the words used to describe our
country are a bit exaggerated. I don't think
that "freedom" and "liberty" accurately
depict America
No! I am not a Communist, nor do I
wish to relocate to another country. I
realize that we are fortunate not to live in
a Third World impoverished country, and
entire name of his show. Second, he'll
have a new set. Third, I don't believe NBC
will take too kindly to Dave taking shots
drawing laughs and high ratings (profits)
for NBC. So, a change is forecast in June.
And what about the ratings? I have no
formal training in terms of forecasting
television trends--like I needed to tell you
that--but I have some premonitions/
predictions I'd like to share (so if they're
right, I'll look really smart).
First, Letterman will kill Jay Leno in
the ratings...for about a month or two.
Then, after all settles down, each will earn
about the same rating he did before the
change. However, the diehard Letterman
fans that used to watch Leno as a form of
foreplay (or media hors d'oeuvres, if you
will) shall leave Jay out in the cold. So, I
don't see the massacre with the
Letterman/Leno thing.
Arsenio is another story. Can you say
"Dennis Miller?" Just like Dennis (who
I'm still shedding tears over), I think
Arsenio will have a loyal following, but it
won't be squat when compared to Leno
and Letterman. Maybe the world will see
some justice and we won't have to hear
that "whoo., whoo • , whoo • " an more.
received little support, even from his
fellow Democrats.
We are seven years away from a new
century and issues such as gay rights are as
prevalent as ever. Who would have
imagined that in 1993 one of our new
president's first controversies would be
whether or not homosexuals should be
allowed in the military?
Originally, I was applauding President
Clinton for his courageous stand against
the banning of homosexuals in the
military, which he supported throughout
his entire campaign.
Now that the heat is on, Clinton has
decided to back off from his aggressive
stand. Sam Nunn and the rest of Congress,
including fellow Democrats, have told
Clinton that if he continues to pursue this
many people immigrate to the U.S.
seeking democracy. Still, we must not
delude ourselves. Our country has many
imperfections. I have learned, in one of
my classes, that 23 major corporations
dominate our media. Media is power in
the purest form. It is through the media
that we are able to communicate. The
media sets our agenda. In other words, the
media has control over what we listen to
and what we read.
Although we think of journalism and
broadcast news as being objective, we
must consider the same corporate chains
that own our newspapers, radio stations,
television stations,etcetera; also have their
own political interests and own much of
what they advertise. Overtly, we don't
notice this, but covertly, it is apparent.
Those five people sitting over in those
bleachers are the ones that still watch my
show....
So, to celebrate Dave's journey to CBS,
I prepared a top ten list (with some help
from Mike Starkey, Kate Sherman, and
the infamous technoweenie, recent PSH
graduate Honus P. Wagner).
THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY
DAVID LETTERMAN WENT TO CBS:
10) CBS has those great shows like
Major Dad and Designing Women, while
NBC has only Cheers and Late
Night OOPS, scratch that.
9) CBS promised Dave a huge supply
of white socks, and--as we speak--
engineers are working around the clock on
new and exciting color combinations for
Paul Shaffer's shirts.
8) NBC ran out of blue cards. Dave
had to leave.
7) CBS promised Dave they wouldn't
run any of Cindy Crawford's singing Pepsi
commercials anymore.
• 6) CBS is "pants optional."
5) NBC asked for its studio security
deposit back after Dave finally broke that
last window and maimed a guy on the
George Washington bridge.
4) Paul had finally reached his "yeah,
yeah, nutty, kooky, krazy cat" quota at
NBC,
3) CBS--Price Is Right models. NBC--
WILLARD!
gay rights issue, he will lose their
support.
Get a backbone Mr. President!
I can expect him to backdown to his
left-wing radical "I will handle the health
care issue" wife, after all, he's the one who
has to wake up with her every morning.
However, when the president of the United
States starts backing down to Congress,
what the hell can we expect him to ever
accomplish?
While we're on the subject, I guess if
you are of the homosexual persuasion you
won't be doing any skiing in sunny,
homophobic Colorado.
How is it possible for a state in the
United States, "the land of opportunity,"
to actually allow discrimination?
I thought the Constitution of the
United States was based on the ideal that
all men and women are guaranteed three
fundamental principles, "life, liberty, and
cut your strings!
When so few individuals run our media
and own major corporations, how can our
information systems be objective. That's
the point, they're not. Our news is
subjective, Perhaps this is a lot to
fathom, so allow me to address some
other aspects of our "free society." Does
liberty include dead-bolt locks on our
doors, political scandals, crack cocaine and
racial riots--like in L.A.--where all hell
broke loose? Rape whistles, guns and
knives are all wonderful examples of
freedom. Do you think of freedom or
captivity, when you walk down a lonely,
dark street...peering over your shoulder to
make sure the next Son of Sam isn't
following you. Sounds a bit paranoid? We
equate democracy with 18 year-olds going
off to war to kill complete strangers. Our
streets are filled with homeless people,
crime statistics rise daily and
inflation...well, can we talk bill
collectors? I could ramble on and on...we
are a manipulated society. Families,
CAPITAL TIMES
OP-ED / 5
February 1, 1993
2) NBC studios, like Meade Heights,
has no heat in the winter.
And the number one reason why Dave
went to CBS
1) Now he gets to finally nail Connie
Chung and Andy Rooney.
• The great Honus P. Wagner and
myself have reunited for 120 minutes of
radio enigma. Our effort, 'The Mike and
Honus Technoweenie Soulbrother Show,"
can be heard Tuesday nights from 6 to 8
p.m. Please give a listen on WPSH, 630
AM, in the residence halls, the Lions Den,
or forward us a tape.
• Honus and I are also producing a
"Technoweenie Soulbrother" newsletter
(this is no joke). It details all the behind
the scenes stuff and let's you play along at
home. If you'd like to be put on the
mailing list, drop us a SASE at W-341.
• And, in case you haven't figured it
out yet, Honus is the 'Technoweenie," and
I am the "Soulbrother." Honus got the
name because--well, it's self-explanatory--
and I got my name from being the hardest
working man in carrier-current college
radio. Give us a listen, won't you? Can ya
hear us?
Until next time...in the words of the
immortal Trev Stair, free your hair, and
your mind will follow.
the pursuit of happiness."
I guess those ideals only apply to
heterosexuals. When studying the
constitution in junior high school,
somehow, Sister Judy, my sixth grade
history teacher, neglected to inform my
class of that restriction.
There has to be a way to connect this
country of ours. I think the beginning lies
somewhere in our history books.
If everyone would simply take a few
hours out of his or her "busy" week to
reread, or perhaps in some cases, read the
Constitution maybe the pathetic,
homophobic individuals of America would
realize that people are people, and everyone
in this country is given, at birth, the right
to pursue his or her dreams regardless of
race, creed or sexual orientation.
As for Mr. Clinton, I hope he finds his
backbone soon. Perhaps it is in the
Flowers' garden?
husbands, wives and various loved ones
control us through guilt. We have to
account to employers and professors,
people who can fire us or fail us on a
whim. You can fight back if you like "red
tape," or you can brown-nose.
Even advertisers dictate what clothes
we should wear and what cars we should
drive. This is a manipulative, robotic,
mechanical society...right off the
assembly line...Stepford families.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that
I'd prefer to live in another country. I'm
just saying that we use the term
"freedom" rather lightly. Perhaps
education will help us to be "free
thinkers" and overcome some of this
manipulation. We are not robots; we are
individuals. My theory is: I wasn't born
in Guess Jeans, and I probably won't die
in Guess Jeans. I refuse to be a
puppet-on-a-string. After all, with one
snip of the scissors, a string can b e
severed.
I=l:C=C=C:=l:l===ll:23
Some random side notes