Folklore pokes fun at college graduates
Special to the
Capital Times
PSH
Faculty
Contribution
Dr. Simon J. Bronner
"Say Something to Them in Algebra:
The College Graduate in American
Humor"
Have you heard this one?
A farmer asks a fellow farmer and
father of a recent college graduate, "Well,
since Tom has a college degree, can you
see any change in the way he plows?"
"No, he plows the same but he talks
different," was the reply.
"How do you mean?" the first farmer
pressed.
"Well, when he gets to the end of a
row, instead of saying 'Whoa, Gee or
Haw,' he says, 'Halt, Rebecca, pivot and
proceed."'
If you have heard that one, it was
probably from an earlier day. The story is
only one of hundreds in the annals of
American folklore pitting college
graduates against the common folk they
left behind.
There's the one about the farmer from
West Virginia who sent his son off to
college. As soon as the boy came home
after graduation, the farmer couldn't wait
to take him down to the country store and
show him off.
The boy was a little embarrassed by it
all, but he loved his dad and was grateful
to him for helping him to finance his
education. So, he went along with it.
As soon as they got to the store, the
farmer proudly exclaimed, "Here's my son,
fellers, hoMe from college with a degree in
algebra!"
He turned to his son and said, "Well
don't be bashful, say something to them
in algebra."
The son blushed and said, "Okay...pi-r
-square."
The farmer became flustered when he
heard that, and blurted, "Don't be silly
boy, pie are round. Cornbread are square!"
In northern California, students like to
say that in response to a professor's
greeting of "Good morning," a University
of California at Davis class writes the
greeting down. At Stanford, the reply is
"Good morning, professor." But at
Berkeley the class retorts, "Hey don't lay
your trips on me!"
A variation is told in New England
where Smith students typically write down
the greeting. Mount Holyoke students
stand up and salute, the ones at Amherst
bark back, "Prove it." And those at the
University of Massachusetts respond,
"Will that be on the final exam?" Finally,
the students at Hampshire look at one
another and say,"Hey man, far out!"
In the Big Ten, rivalries revolve around
the most public representatives of our
schools--college atheletes. There's an old
story in the Midwest about how athletes at
different big-time colleges introduce
themselves to pretty coeds.
A Northwestern players shakes the
girl's hand. A Michigan player shuffles his
feet. An Indiana player asks her for a date,
and the Purdue player phones the coach for
instructions.
The joke is related to the old Ivy
League test of chivalry when a lady enters
a room. A Yale man asks if someone
shouldn't bring a chair for her. The
Princeton man dramatically brings one,
and the Harvard man sits on it.
The variety and extent of jokes told
about American college graduates finding
and deriding identities should make us stop
and listen for the themes they express
about the cultural meaning of colleges in
American life. Our jokes and other forms
of narrative folklore reveal our perceptions
of a very American enterprise--going to
college. Jokes about college are
particularly common in the United States
where more Americans are college-bound
than any other nation in the world.
Another farmer questions his son at the
dinner table about what he learned in
college is told "the study of logic." Asked
to demonstrate, the son vows to prove that
three chickens lie on the plate when it
appears that only two are there. The son
sticks his fork in one and says, "Here's
one, right?"
"Yes," says the boy's dad.
Poking the other one, the boy says,
"And this is two?"
"All right," the father follows.
"Well, don't one and two make three?"
the grad beamed.
"Tell you what," said the old man. "I'll
give Mom one of the chickens to eat, I'll
take the other and you can have the third.
How's that?"
In a day when the return of the college
graduate was a special event, jokes
circulated widely on the theme of the
farmer and the uppity graduate. We have
the one about the farmer going into the
"Did you go to
Harvard?"
"Certainty, how
did you guess?"
"I noticed your
class ring when you
picked your nose."
town bank for a meeting with a loan
executive.
The bank executive asks him, "Are you
a fanner?"
"Why sure, how did you know?" the
farmer replied.
Proud of his perceptiverness, the exec
explained, "I smelled the manure on your
shoes."
After the meeting the farmer asks the
exec, "Did you go to Harvard?"
Flattered, the executive said "Certainly,
how did you guess?"
The farmer shot back, "I noticed your
class ring when you picked your nose."
Today, one is more likely to hear the
joke told on them of school rivalry. The
landscape is jammed with colleges and
jokes that help to set them apart.
In North Carolina, one hears about the
state grad and another fellow on an
airplane.
As they were about to get off, the State
grad says,"l bet you went to Carolina."
The other guy says, "I sure did. How
did you know? Was is my noticeable
macho appeal, my high level of
intelligence, my good taste for food and
women or what?"
"No," says the State grad. "I saw UNC
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on your class ring when you picked your
nose."
Rather than the older lore of culture
shock facing the college graduate, most of
today's jokes question the value of a degree
at a time when the university and its
"It only cost $2 to
make," the former
math major said. "I
sold it for $4, and
with that 2 percent
profit, I built a
great business."
culture are so widely accessible. With
masses of students attending universities,
the humor suggests that colleges have
lowered standards and narrowed knowledge.
"After all," students smirk, "you get a
8.5., and you know what that stands for.
Then, M.S. is more of the same and
Ph.D. is the same thing piled higher and
deeper."
On the subject of degrees and what they
mean, the joke is told about college
graduates registering for rooms at a hotel.
The first signed "L. 8." after his name.
"What does the L.B. stand for?" the
clerk asks.
He eloquently explains, "I am a law
school graduate and the initials indicate
that I have earned my degree as a Bachelor
of Law."
The second man put B.J. next to his
name and when the clerk asks him about
the initials, he answered that he received a
Bachelor of Journalism degree.
The third fellow signed his name with
an "5.1."
"What on earth does S.I. mean?" the
clerk asks.
"Hey, I got my degree in civil
engineering," the fellow declares.
Engineers, accused of pursing
profitable carees despite a lack of
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imagination and literacy, are the most
frequent butts of humor. One circulated
sheet going around campuses shows an
overgrown oaf holding a diploma in one
hand and a slide rule in the other. The
caption reads, "Golly, six weeks ago I
couldn't even spell 'Enjanear'--NOW I
ARE ONE"
At West Virginia, students walk around
in T-shirts emblaioned with the message
"I are a college student." This humor is
sometimes coupled with the observation
that academic success in college doesn't
insure prosperity in life, and that in fact,
those who fail often come back
millionaires.
From Wisconsin, for example, comes
the story of the math major who graduated
only by the skin of his teeth and the
charity of his teachers. At his class's
twenty-fifth reunion, he drove up in a
Cadillac, wore expensive clothes and
showed all the trappings of wealth. When
amazed classmates asked him about his
secret to success, he explained that he had
invented a little gadget which he
manufactured in his own plant.
"It cost only $2 to make," the former
math major said."l sold it for $4, and with
that 2 percent profit, I built a great
business."
The college graduate of today's humor
is an average sort taking advantage of the
system that rewards credentials. We
ridicule them, even as we honor the elitist
collegians of the past with their classical
pursuits. As we have opened up the
campus to all who seek to enter and, in
the process brought the cirriculum down
to ear, our humor reveals a questioning of
whether we have devalued what we sought
to value.
Want to know what our society thinks
about college life?
"Say something in folklore."
Simon Bronner is a Distinguished
Professor of American Studies and
Folklore.
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