Parking and Pepsi: pennies from heaven
Michael Stone
Capital Times Staff
On Friday, Sept. 11, I was casually
walking out to the Olmsted parking lot,
thankful that my week of living hell was
over. On the way to my car, I noticed a
man placing pink sheets of paper under car
wipers.
I went up to the gentleman, gave a
hello, and looked inquisitively over his
shoulder. The document was a pseudo
parking ticket, giving information that the
automobile-driving students will most
likely be hit with a parking fee in the near
future. It went on to say that student
attendance at parking forums would be
appreciated.
After I read the document, I gave him a
reassuring nod. I didn't know the man's
name--he didn't know mine. I noticed his
ID bracelet had the initials "D.S." I
immediately thought of movie actor
Daniel Stern (City Slickers, Home
Alone), so I pointed to the bracelet and
said, "Daniel?"
He replied with a mysterious look,
"...Maybe."
"Dan" lit a cigarette and adjusted the
backpack on his shoulder.
"It seems like a good idea," I said,
noticing he had ticketed maybe 100 of the
600-odd cars. "Did you want some help?"
"Sure, the more the merrier," Dan
replied.
We walked down the parking aisles, he
ticketing the left side, I ticketing the right.
Dan asked me, "You think it'll work?"
Animal rights: the fur flies
Lisa Malask
Capital Times Staff
I'm appalled. I've had enough of self
righteous, radical animal rights activists.
Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike
animals. In fact, I think cats and dogs are
cute and cuddly. I don't approve of the so
called macho act of pulling the wings off
of flies, but I do believe that hunters were
within their rights at the Sept. 7 Pigeon
Shoot in Hegins, Pa.
By law, the hunters were within their
rights. Although pigeons have been
known to carry diseases, I don't feel the
hunters' actions were humane, but this is
America. Police arrested 111 adults who
could not contain themselves. Picketing is
fine, but disorderly conduct and throwing
smoke bombs is not.
I wonder if these peace-loving people
who were arrested are the same people who
have been dousing others with animal
blood. Yes, these sweet, calm people who
have so much compassion for animals and
so little for people, have--for years-- been
perpetrating violence against anyone
I told him if six of the 600 people
ticketed went to one of the forums, that
would be six that never would have gone
to begin with. Dan gave me a nod,
somehow realizing that maybe his efforts
would indeed make a difference.
ETCHED IN STONE
We finished the job in about 30
minutes. Dan thanked me for the
assistance, wished me well, and drove off.
I went back to my campus house,
prepared for my trip out to U-Park, and
had the feeling of achievement. I had never
volunteered for anything of the sort, and I
was actually proud of myself for saying to
hell with my apathetic ways and getting
involved.
On Saturday, I found myself roasting
in the sun while watching the Lions
pound Temple into the dirt. I had lousy
seats, so when some people lost interest
and left, I grabbed my friends (so-to-speak)
and moved about 20 rows up in the senior
section.
I took my new seat and turned to my
left. Believe it or not, it was none other
than the mysterious Dan. We were amazed
at this - occurance and reminisced about our
fine afternoon the day before.
As we talked, we grew parched, so I
signalled to the stadium vender for some
fine beverages. "Two diet Cokes, please,"
I told the vendor.
The vendor replied, "I'm sorry...we
have only Pepsi now," as he pointed to
the new sign on the scoreboard. I noticed
wearing animal fur.
In more metropolitan cities such as
New York and Philadelphia, animal rights
activists have been pouring blood, and
sometimes red paint, on anyone (and I do
LITERALLY LISA
mean perfect strangers) walking down the
street wearing fur. These are not the
actions of sane, well-adjusted, non-violent
people.
I can't help but wonder how many of
these people eat at McDonalds and sport
Reeboks. Oh yes, there have been many
times when I've been in the company of
do-gooders who claim to be in favor of
animal rights. Guess what they were doing
as they verbalized their dismay at the
treatment of animals? They were eating
hamburgers and wearing leather high
tops...HYPOCRITES !
Don't preach to me! Why don't you go
live in the woods with your furry friends?
Obviously, you turn to animals because
you can't deal with people. Sure, embrace
the animals, and bombard the people with
AIR
the vendor had "PSU" painted across his
face, and "PEPSI" written on his forehead.
Pepsi State U? John Belushi would've
been proud ("cheeseburger-cheeseburger,
no Coke--Pepsi, Pepsi").
Actually, I was pleased, because I
prefer diet Pepsi over diet Coke. I took a
sip of my frothing-cold beverage and
noticed it tasted exactly like the old diet
Cokes of Beaver Stadium past--like a
saccharine, flat cup of slop.
"What is this place coming to, Dan?" I
asked.
"Well, this is Penn State. Penn State
is a corporation, not a school. It's all
dollars and cents, not books and diplomas.
This is just another in a series of fmancial
investments. I bet you we won't see a
penny of it in Harrisburg. In God we
trust...all others, cash."
I thought about the equipment we have
at the newspaper office, how we could use
some newer TV studio and radio
equipment, and about our excuse for a
library. Pepsi and Penn State sold out.
The worst part was that it probably wasn't
going to involve me.
The game was a blow-out, I had
finished my soda, and I was ready to leave.
I gave a hearty good-bye to my new friend
and left the stadium.
Monday rolled around and I went to the
first of the two forums. Approximately
ten persons attended the meeting. Dan, as
you may have already guessed, was there. I
grabbed the seat next to him and gave a
wave.
"Did I miss anything, Dan?"
smoke bombs and blood. You have no
merit; you're a bunch of mental cases.
By now you're probably saying that
I'm ruthless and demented. Well, I'm not.
I'm just practical. I can't imagine our
society without leather, lean meat and
medication, which are vital to all of our
lives.
Leather and fur keep us warm. It is
also quite fashionable. Lean meat provides
us with protein (I'm not referring to globs
of lard that are filled with cholesterol).
More significantly, we need animals for
laboratory testing. This is a progressive
society. We believe in surgeries,
medications and other life-saving means.
Without experimental rats, do you really
think medical technology would be as
advanced as it is today? Would you rather
watch a loved one perish from cancer than
kill a rat? (Remember, rats carried the
plague.)
I don't believe in the senseless removal
of musk glands from rabbits in order to
make musk perfumes, but I do believe in
taking medication when I'm ill. And
without animal experimentation, we
4 :S.CEPE/
CAPITAL.
September 21, 19 TIMES
92 OP-ED/7
"Some people have made some good
fund raising suggestions in place of the
parking fee," Dan informed me. "But it's
all bureaucratic-biased, intellectual
masturbation, if you asked me."
I listened as they informed us about
where the campus needed money. It was
about as easy to listen to as a Bruce Willis
album. The forum chairpersons said we
had raised some good points, which would
be passed to the powers-that-be. My
cynical attitude mouthed a "yeah, right."
The forum let out around 5:30 p.m. I
offered to buy Dan a drink before the six
o'clock classes started.
We went down to the Lion's Den and
got in line. In front of my face was the
soda jet machine, with the Pepsi seal.
Wanting something else, we went to the
vending machines--Pepsi was there, too.
We took a quick hike to the bookstore.
Pepsi was in their fridge, except it was
$1.50 a can there.
Frustrated, we walked back to the
Olmsted Building.
"What's the meaning of life, Dan?" I
lamented.
"I don't know," Dan replied. "All I can
say is that you should try your best. But it
seems at Penn State, no matter how hard
you try, it doesn't make a difference
anyway."
"Oh, by the way, my name's not Dan,
it's Dave," he added. "What's yours?"
"Oh, it doesn't really matter, Dave," I
said. "To Penn State, I'm just a social
security number that pays tuition and is
forced to drink Pepsi."
might not have the privilege of using
FDA approved drugs.
I will agree that sometimes the best
medication for the elderly is a . pet. Many
elderly are lonely (because their children
and other relatives don't want to be
bothered) and need pets for company and
comfort.
But as the populace grows, it is
feasible that we could become like Third
World countries...overpopulated and
hungry. We need to take advantage of the
use of animal skins and meat. What if we
were suddenly unable to make synthetics.
Should we freeze?
If you're a radical, extremist, animal
rights activists, go ahead and suffer with
AIDS, cancer, heart problems and the
common cold. If not, you're a hypocrite.
After all, animal experimentation has
made medical attention possible.
Next time you reach. for an aspirin,
keep in mind that some lab rats may have
died in order to get rid of your headache.
Perhaps you angelic, moral, blameless
people would prefer that drug testing be
done on prisoners. After all, kill a
inortal...save an animal.
by Trev Stair
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