VOICE FROM
Robert Caton
Before I even get started on this
years drivel, I just wanted to explain the
absence of this column from the last
issue of the Cap Times...l'm a lazy slob
who can't remember the date. Fair
enough?
I also have a disclaimer before I
start. This episode will concern your
friends and theirs, the Iraqis, and as such,
it will contain absolutely NO redeeming
characteristics whatsoever. This will be
an exercise in foreigner-bashing,
intolerance, and general bitching and
moaning. What I'm trying to get across
here, campers, is don't worry about
saving up pennies to send this to
Pulitzer, 'kay?
At first, one can almost rationalize
the invasion of Kuwait by Iraq. After all,
Iraq owed the Kuwatis hundreds of
millions of dollars (or dates or curry
powder, or whatever they happen to use
for money over there) for loans taken out
to finance Iraq's war with Iran. Iraq
couldn't pay that debt and still have
money to buy Saddam Hussein pink
chiffon dresses and Doris Day CDs, so
Iraq took the time-honored method of
settling disputes...wanton killing.
FROM CRISIS
Aft Abraham
Many people feel the U.S. should
not be taking such an active interest in
the Middle East. They feel Iraq's
invasion of Kuwait is something we
shouldn't have concerned ourselves with.
Most people holding this point of view
think the main reason we are interested
in the Middle East is because of their
oil. They are afraid that the U.S. is
getting involved in something that is
not our concern--at least not in their
opinion.
This view of the situation is
incorrect for several reasons. First, for
those who say the invasion is not our
concern I would mention that similar
statements were made about Hitler's
initial military actions. Perhaps World
War II could have been avoided if we had
taken action sooner.
In the current situation Saddam
Hussein invaded Kuwait. He then
proceeded to send troops to the Kuwaiti-
Saudi border. If we had not taken quick
action and sent troops to defend that
border perhaps Hussein would have
invaded Saudi Arabia as well. It should
be noted that Iraq's forces are not only
significantly larger than the forces of
most surrounding countries but their
army is also combat experienced.
Without our intervention Iraq could
But, on the other hand...let a few
thousand of our homeless land in Kuwait
city and see the shieks with gold Rolls-
Royces for every day of the week, and
you would see an all-out assault that
would make an Iraqi tank force look like
disgruntled K-Mart shoppers after the
blue light goes out.
Anyway, since Kuwait sells us oil,
we are obligated to make all kinds of
official condemnations, which have
- about as much effect as if we told trees
not to grow, or the Yankees not to suck.
We could get along quite nicely without
Kuwait, but we need the Saudis (more
oil, natch...you don't think that King
Fahid is REALLY George's pal, do
you?). Because of this, a hundred
thousand of us have to go play soldier in
the biggest litter box on Earth.
Our problem is, a thousand years
ago, when we decided that the Persian
Gulf area was the most unfit for mini
malls real estate on the planet, we never
figured that all the dinosaurs had the bad
judgment to rot and turn into oil in the
same place. Had we had the slightest
inkling of what was to come, we could
have told the Muslims that their "holy
DIPLOMACY
have overwhelmed Saudi Arabia.
For those that think the only reason
we are involved in the situation is to
lower the price of oil, consider this fact.
The cost of the maneuvers in the Mid-
East at last count was running in the
billions of dollars. I don't think
President Bush would spend several
billion dollars of our tax monies solely
to save us several million at the gas
pumps.
The situation in the Middle East is
something we should all be concerned
about. In today's global market, any
happening that has a dramatic effect in
one portion of the world is bound to
have repercussions all over the world.
The recent fluctuations of the stock
market due to the Middle East crisis
should be evidence enough of that.
The Presidents actions during this
situation were in the best interest of not
only the average U.S. citizen, but also
the entire world. The blockade and
embargo of Iraq seems to be working.
Reports from Iraq tell of shortages and
rationing of food and supplies.
Additionally, Hussein is rapidly running
out of military options. Thus he may
be forced into relying on a diplomatic
solution to the situation which is
precisely what everyone is hoping for.
HELL...
land" was in a truly worthless
place... North Dakota comes to mind.
Now, American soldiers have
always had to do the truly rancid
babysitting jobs all around the world
(Korea, etc...) but we never had a true
free-thinker like Hussein to deal with.
Never did a schmuck like this say the
words "chemical weapons"...and mean it.
Chemical weapons are not fun
things...coughing your lungs up on
some blighted wasteland so that Cadillac
can still make cars that get 3 m.p.g. is
not a fair trade in my book. We need to
let Hussein know that if he so much as
cuts the cheese in the direction of our
troops that we will insure that all of
Baghdad will fit into a Hefty "cinch-
Sack" when it's all over.
I sound like a real warrior, eh?
Well...l'm quite the hypocrite, because
the first draft letter I get., I'm sawing off
my toes and skipping to Toronto
singing "When you wish upon a star"
the whole way.
The problem is, we are missing the
boat on the best solution of all.
Re-arm Germany, and tell them that
the Iraqis said that Wienerschnitzel tastes
LOST:
An eleven year-old blue point
Siamese named Sha Na wandered off
from the Village of Pineford area. Any
sightings or information call Greg at
944-0888.
**********
EIT Review:
The first meeting of this year's EIT
review classes will be oh Wed., Sept. 19
at 6:30 p.m. in Room 128 of the
Science and Technology Building. Any
interested engineering technology seniors
should plan on attending to set up the
schedule and talk about cost and
requirements. If any problems occur
consult Dr. Dideban in W 262.
**********
Student Discount:
Pearle Vision Express in the
Harrisburg East Mall is offering a %15
discount (exclusive of all other offers) to
all students and faculty with a current
Penn State I.D. card.
EZZI=ZED
Poetry Contest:
The American Poetry Association is
sponsoring a poetry contest. Deadline
for entry is Sept. 30.
The Grand Prize is $l,OOO, First
Prize $5OO, and 152 prizes worth
$ll,OOO.
Poets should send one original poem,
no more than twenty lines, name and
address at the top of the page, to
American Poetry Association, Dept.
CO-84, 250-A Potrero St., P.O. Box
1803, Santa Cruz, CA 95061.
**********
like roadkill, or that the French could
kick their Nazi butts in a re-match!
Before you know it, the panzer divisions
would be rolling down the autobahn!
Just don't let them discuss the subject of
Israel, or we could be in truly serious
trouble.
The true advantage of this would not
be in American lives saved, but rather in
the fact that in 2010 we would not have
to watch incessant "Iraqi War-era
Movies" featuring Charlie Sheen as the
General, Tom Cruise as the embittered
sergeant, and Michael J. Fox (who
STILL looks like he should be in high
school) as the fresh-faced kid in "The
Camel Rides At Dawn"...featuring such
great music of the era like Milli Vanilli
and Warrant. Watch our boys go into
battle crying "Cowabunga Dudes!"
Having the Germans stomp the
future convenience store attendants into
the ground would save us, at least, from
this anguish.
Well, I think that pretty much sums
up my plan for saving the Earth from
Hussein...how about yours?
Lecture Series Begins:
Thomas Sowell will open the 1990-
91 PSH Lecture Series Thurs., Sept. 13
at 8 p.m. in the Capital Union Building.
Sowell, a senior fellow of the Hoover
Institution at Stanford University, has
written extensively on economics, social
decision-making, and ethnicity.
He served as an economist at the
U.S. Department of Labor and worked as
and economic analyst for AT&T.
Sowell has specialized in the history
of economic thought, social theory, and
public policy toward low-income racial
and ethnic groups.
He earned his degrees in economics:
B.A. from Harvard University(l9sB),
M.A. from Columbia University(l9s9),
and Ph.D from the University of
Chicago(l96B).
Sowell has taught at Douglass
College of Rutgers University, Howard
University, Cornell University, Brandeis
University, Amhersty College, and
UCLA.
**********
Business Advisor:
Chris Zimmerman has been hired to
advise undergraduates and graduates in
the School of Business Administration.
His office hours are Monday,
Wednesday, and Thursday, 1-6 PM, and
Tuesday 2:30-7:30 PM in room E 356.
Call for an appointment 948-6139
(undergrads) or 948-6140 (grads). If
urgent, you may stop by his office
without an appointment.