Derrick Stokes
New York, New York
How do you get stranded a hundred
miles away from home in America's
largest city without any money? It's
pretty hard, but I did it.
Dr. Troy Thomas and Linda Ross of
the Humanities Department at Penn
State Harrisburg organized a trip to New
York City to visit the Metropolitan Art
Museum. Being an admirer of art
myself, I decided to make that long
journey to the Big Apple with some of
my classmates.
The sight of that metallic blue
Greyhound bus put a smile on my face.
Weekends at Penn State Harrisburg are
too exciting for me. I needed time to
relax. So I ran to the Olmsted Building,
boarded my bus, and took a seat. To my
chagrin, a woman who looked as though
she never lost her way to the dinner table
sat next to me. She took the aisle seat
but one wasn't enough for her. She had
to take half of mine. It's hard to get
relaxed when you're being smashed
against a window like a fly. Well, at
IN THE GALLERY LOUNGE
All concerts will be held in the Gallery'Lounge at 12:05 to 12:50 p.m
and are FREE and open to the public.
Thursday, March 9 - MARIE BALDYS - Solo
Music of the 60's /70's
piano, guitar, vocal
Monday Much 13 - HARVI GRIFFIN - Solo
Wednesday, April 12 KEN KLINE AND ROGER SCHILLEIR. - Duo
Classical, Rags & Broadway Songs
Piano
Ryck Kaiser (Left) and Henry Karetzky in A Recent Performance :
Marooned in the Big Apple
Somewhere in the art museum I got
separated from my band of hearty souls.
But I was feeling adventurous that rainy
Saturday. So, alone I braved the
elements and Manhattan. By chance I
passed a little pub called TGlFridays
(Thank God It's Friday). After three and
a half hours of intense drinking and
lUD
SPRING 1989
Bach to Rock
harp
PENN STATE HARRISBURG
GALLERY LOUNGE
OLMSTED BUILDING
(717) 948-6273
least I had a good view. Four hours and
a nose-job later, we were there.
The exhibits at the Metropolitan Art
Museum were fantastic. I was totally
amazed with the abstractism of Picasso,
the surrealism of Dali, and the
expressionism of Monet. I was left
standing in awe of these great masters.
My fascination also made me forget
about how long I walked around the
museum: 2 hours and 15 minutes.
I was alone and hungry. The smell
of food and the clanking of silverware led
me to the cafeteria on the first floor.
My stomach told me to buy a roast beef
sandwich and two Heinekens to wash it
down. After drinking those two 12
ounce cans, I wanted more. But it was
closing time. Thank God. Those beers
were expensive.
photo by Lucille Corto-Palmer
discussion, I realized it was time for me
to leave before I miss my bus. The bus
was scheduled to leave at 8 p.m., when I
left I had 15 minutes to get there.
I then proceeded to walk down sth
Avenue for about six blocks-THE
WRONG WAY. I remembered that Dr.
Thomas and Ms. Ross gave us a
miniature map of the city. I was afraid
to use it though. Would you want to
tell all the potential muggers in
Manhattan that you were lost? Me
neither. I just did a 360 and walked the
other way. After walking about 10
blocks, I saw the bus.
Feelings of fury, fear, and
frustration filled my body as the bus
passed me. I thought I was going to wet
myself.
I said to myself, "No problem, I'll
just go to a MAC machine, get some
money, and buy a train ticket back to
school."
I had one slight problem. I didn't
know where a MAC machine was
located. A little old man walked by me
and I stopped him.
"Where's a MAC machine," I asked
Real Men Use Microwaves
Douglas T. Lawrence
I saw my first in 1979, in a country
club kitchen. It looked like a piece of
hospital equipment--a sterilizer. Now,
about a decade later, I couldn't live
without it. At least two out of three
homes in America houses a microwave.
I read in promotional materials that
October has been designated International
Microwave Month (by whom Fm not
sure). I should have seen it coming.
Americans are attracted to the promise of
speed.
The maximum time for the average
American male to spend cooking is ten
minutes. That's a fact.
Microwaving--now there's a verb--is
just another way to heat. The radiation
penetrates to about one and a half inches.
The rest of the cooking is accomplished
by conduction. The microwaves are
attracted to sugar and fat, just like us.
I'm certain good cooking can be
done by microwaving, gourmet even.
However, this is not the microwave
reality. Microwave reality is popcorn
and plastic bags, precooked messes,
rubbery treats and pallid potatoes.
Microwavers brag about their easy
potatoes. A "waved" baked potato is
like an oven-baked potato, but
holographed. It looks the same, yet the
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him. "I need money right now."
He turned pale and ran away. New
Yorkers are strange, though.
I saw lots of trees and even more
policemen. I knew I was near Central
Park. So, I ran into a fancy hotel that
was overlooking the park to call my
parents. As usual, they weren't home. I
sat my weary body on a long, elaborate
bench. An older woman, about 40-ish,
sat down close to me--almost into my
skin.
I told her that I was alone with no
money and no place to stay. She gave
me a hug and offered me a warm bed to
sleep in. I remember my mother telling
me to never sleep with strangers, so I
turned down her offer.
I just took out my MAC card and
started looking at it. I turned it over and
LO AND BEHOLD, A 1-800
NUMBER. I called it and an angelic
voice told me where to get some money.
I bought a train ticket and the rest is
history. But I learned a lesson.
It's better not to mix beer and
modem art.
Be smart... Don't start.
subtle differences (the smell of browned
skin) are gone.
Ah ha, the browning pan. Don't be
fooled, this is only cosmetic. Then
they add crisping agents, unsuccessfully.
I couldn't bear not being able to use
the magic box for more than reheating
coffee. I recently finished reading a
gourmet microwave cookbook, an
obvious attempt to pick the pockets of
those spaghetti yuppies. I had tasted one
wonderful microwave dish, quiche. It
was quick and easy, as if you were used
to making it regularly. The only
difference being that you wouldn't need
to learn the "other way."
Microwaves entertain as well as
cook--kind of like television. Some
models revolve on a carousel. You
sometimes see the show melting or
expanding through a screen. The
younger generation also entertains
placing insects to be waved, a counter
top exterminator.
I'm really still wondering if Sting
bleached his hair by sticking his head in
a microwave. I haven't figured out how
to activate it with the door open.
All-in-all, I couldn't have invested
$99 more wisely. Lukewarm tubers and
popcorn-in-an-instant have not hindered
my college career any.
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