Pare 10 A
So You Say You Want to Have Some Fun
by Mark Keisling
So about those fun lessons.
You want fun? You want to leirn? You
don't want to spend another Friday night
reading the Wall Street Journal? Great,
I'll pick you up Friday at 6:37. I'll rent
a Yugo. Bring Chow Mein noodles--we
may need them. And bring some
bumming-around-in clothes in a bag, but
dress up a bit because I called the
Marriott. Someone named Kravitz is
having a wedding rehearsal dinner. We'll
go there first. It starts at 7:00.
It'll be the usual rehersal dinner.
There'll probably be someone named
uncle Frank we can sit next to. You
know he'll get drunk and act like a jerk.
Who'd want to miss that. Anyway if
anyone asks who you are just say you're
with me. If anyone asks who I am, I'll
say I'm Frank's boy. Unless uncle
Frank asks, then I'll say I'm John's boy.
Try not to eat too much
Day at the Health Fair-----
I=C:=CCINIEI
A Photo
Essay
by
Ed Hein
ril 27 1988 Ca iital Times
because we have dinner reservations at
8:00. We should be thrown out of the
wedding dinner by 7:45. If not we'll
stay. Oh yes, bring a gift. Sculpture of
some sort, maybe a bust of Elvis.
Sounds like a kind of soup, doesn't it?
So, into the Yugo and off to
Casa Ribs. Once we've been seated and
order ,we can get up and "work the
room." You know, network. Hey, meet
new people and pick at their food--now
that's fun.
I hope your birthday is soon
because when I made the reservation I
told the guy it was your birthday. So
whether it is or not , there'll be a cake
and singing waitresses, sparklers and all.
By the way do you blush?
Next we'll leave. First we pay.
Just for clarification I never leave a
restaurant without paying. (Sometimes
I try to put it on my Texaco card, but I
always pay.) I see no fun in what is
sometimes called "dine and dash." (In
Read and learn
Jersey, Ws called "bun on the run.") It's
not fun. It's stealing. Jail after all
offers a whole different type of bun on
the run. So, we pay--we leave.
The next fud will be from a
different fun group--the somber new
experience fun group. The Yugo will
motor us to the train station where we'll
greet people getting off the bus from
New York City. We'll tell them we're
Amish and maybe let them take our
picture. We'll tell them we're allowed to
drive Yugos now as long as we play old
fashioned music in the tape player.
(You know--Jim Nabors, Tony Bennett,
Culture Club). Finally, we'll invite
them to go down to this "Amish" bar I
know downtown. It will knock their
socks off. See, it's not really Amish.
The regulars drink Corby's and George
Dickel and almost no one has teeth. It
takes a lot to frighten New Yorkers.
Let's try, I'll buy._
At the bar (by the way it's
I wanna be an 'mbulance driver too!
name is the Yo, Get Out Of My Face
Tavern) we'll play pool. I'll Aell one of
the guys that you were cheating him and
then I'll sneak out the back. Just
kidding. It's really very safe. Bring
scissors. Big scissors.
Finally at about 2:00 a.m.,
when the Yo, Get Out Of My Face
Tavern closes we'll head , to. The Spot.
Harrisburg's version of the classic
Greek/Texas chili dog place. Let's see if
we can break the record and eat seven
Spot Dogs each. You've gotta have at
least two. The question the King (Elvis)
asks in his one song is "You ate nothing
but a Spot Dog?"
Then I (actually the Yugo--
thank God for cruise control) will drive
you home and you'll sleep until
Wednesday, I'm letting you off easy this
first time--no tattoos or stolen livestock.
You owe me four dollars.
Now this won't hurt a bit