Alcohol Awareness Set
By Levette Parish
Alcohol is a subject that is
always avoided, however, it will be
recognized during the week of April 11,
1988. A host of seminars sponsored by
the counseling center will be open to all
students and will take place in the
Gallery Lounge.
Christine Leister, Counseling
Center counselor, expressed a need for
Growing Up with Alcoholics
By Sunshine Brown
What do you remember about
growing up? If you were anything like
me, terror was hanging just around the
edges from morning until night. I felt
that nobody liked me. I didn't believe
my parents really cared; they didn't even
know I existed.
If you were anything like me,
you grew up in a home where alcohol
and lies were the rulers--not love, not
open communication, and certainly not
trust or safety.
,Life was unpredictable
and chaotic. In time, chaos became
almost easier to handle than calm. As a
child, there were mixed messages: "I
love you, but stay away." Survival
became the most important thing, the
only'!thing in faet. The only. Way• to
survive was to learn not to feel. It was
easier that way. Besides, when I opened
up my feelings, it either hurt so much I
couldn't stand it, or it was so cialy
couldn't trust what I felt anyway.
Home life was always
"pretend," wearing a face that everything
was okay--never telling anyone that
anything was wrong—that 'eirerything
was wrong. Reality got distorted. Who
cared anyway? It was easier not to care.
Besides, if I cared, I had to trust, and if I
trusted, there was a chance I just might
have to feel. There was always that
major chance--that things would go
wrong again. The track record was that
things usually did go wrong. If only I
could havellone something, things could
have been different. The chaotic cycle
continued.
What else could I think?
Imagine this scenario. You're
7,8, or 11 years old. It's Thursday
night, and your dad is sitting at the
table, opening his third or fourth can of
beer. He's in a' pretty good mood, so
you decide to talk to him. (Sometimes
he's grumpy when he drinks--usually he
is.) You make a decision to go shoot
baskets Saturday morning. He
promises. You dare to believe. As a
child, it is so much easier to forget all
the millions of times he's said he'd take
you somewhere or do something with
you, then didn't come through. But you
forget yesterday, wanting so desperately
to believe he'll come through for you
this time. Excited, you skip off to play,
dreaming about Saturday.
Saturday comes. You get up
early, get your own breakfast--you even
brush your teeth (which you usually
forget to do). Your parents' door is
closed. You sit in the living room and
wait. The cartoons are on, but you don't
see them--you just wait. The doubt has
already begun to edge in on your heart.
an alcohol awareness week because, "we
(Penn State Harrisburg) have a problem
with It [alcohol], but not as bad as other
cam! uses," she said. "College students
like to experiment," said Leister, and one
of the discussions will demonstrate how
to be a responsible drinker.
The main goals of the seminar
are to educate the students on alcoholism
and to make them aware that resources
are available at their disposal, she said.
The time passes-9:00, 9:30, 10:00.
Finally, at 10:30, with fear and
trepidation, you knock. Your mother
yells, "What? You know she hates
being disturbed:
"Where's Dad" you ask.
Your mother yells back, "What
do you mean, 'Where's Dad? He didn't
come home." You know from
experience there won't be any baskets
today.
Or take the scenario one step
further and change it just a bit. Mom
and Dad got divorced 'When you were
younger. Or else it's just that Dad left.
He calls Wednesday night to ask you to
go ottt"to -du with him Sunday. Again
you believe, though doubting--knowing
secretly, he won't come through for you.
But , you try to lbelieve, anyway, because
you so badly need him to come; need
him to be there for you. Sunday
morning you're up, ready and waiting.
Your mom's up and bustlitig in the
kitchen.
• After a couple of hours, she
comes into the room and says with her
usual cheerful mask, "Oh, you know
your father,-he probably just forgot.
Everything is okay." You both know he
didn't forget--you both know it is not
okay. You both know very well he got
too drunk to remember. You wish that
just once she'd stop protecting him--just
once, both of you could tell the truth and
admit how much it hurts. Instead, you
both continue to pretend everything is
okay when it isn't. Reality got
distorted.
Maybe your story is different.
Maybe, as the oldest child, you hurried
home from school, never knowing what
condition you'd find the house in or
whether your mom would be drunk.
Afraid, you'd open the door. Your mom
was passed out on the floor; beer cans
were everywhere and the house was a
mess. You'd drag her into the bedroom
and help her into bed. Next, you hurried
to hide the evidence before your younger
brothers and sisters got home on the
later bus. You cooked dinner, helped the
kids with their homeviork, and got them
into bed. No one would have known
you were only a child yourself.
Since your mom's drinking had
increased, your grades had gotten worse.
Your teacher suspected something was
wrong, but of course you couldn't have
told her. You had to keep the secret.
The big Family Secret.
Or was it the fighting? All the
years of fighting, lying awake night after
night listening to your parents scream at
each other, never knowing what was
going to happen, or if one of them
would come into your room and smack
Common Characteristics of Adult
Children of Alcoholics
by Janet G. Woititz, Ed.
Health Communications Inc.
Adult children of alcoholics ...
1. guess at what normal life is.
2. have difficulty to end.
3. lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. judge themselves without mercy.
5. have difficulty having fun, and take themselves very seriously.
6. over-react to changes over which they have no control.
7. feel that they are different from other people.
8. are either super responsible or super irresponsible.
9. are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is
undeserved.
10. are impulsive
Did You
Problem
Drinker?
--Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?
--Do you isolate yourself from other people?
--Do you respond with anxiety to authority figures and angry people?
--Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of
you?
--Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
--Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker?
--Do you attract and seek people who tend to be compulsive?
--Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?
--Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by
others?
--Do you find it difficult to express your emotions?
--Do you think parental drinking may have affected you?
{Questions from Al-Anon• brocillim
you. Or maybe your father, or step
father or uncle, the adults you were
supposed to be able to ttust, madesexual
advances toward you when they were
drinking. Maybe they abused you,
physically or sexually. And you've
never told. You just assumed it was
your fault. You still think it is your
fault.
Or maybe abandonment is your
story, (at least that's what it felt like).
Both your parents lived in the house, but
it was as if they weren't home. One of
them was usually drunk and didn't know
you existed. The other . one was' Always
so busy taking care of the &tar parent
that, even if they had noticed your
existence, they wouldn't have had the
time or energy to listen or care fol . you.
Maybe these scenarios do not
fit you exactly. Of course, y,..a have
your own story. But one ..!I;ng is
certain. If you grew up in an alcc,nolic
home, or any other kind of addictive,
compulsive (dysfunctional) home for
that matter, where feelings weren't talked
about and you never knew what to
expect, where denial was the name of the
game, you're probably still living and
playing out the same games. It's just in
an adult-world setting.
Childhood is a time when life
is supposed to be safe. Home is a place
where you are supposed to feel loved.
Instead, in an alcoholic home, life,
became a war zone, and you, the
battlefield.
A child growing up in these
circumstances learns that things are not
the way they seem, they are usually
much worse. But what happens when
the child grows up? The difficult
lessons learned so well for survival in
ital Times, March 16, 1988, Page 7
Grow Up With a
childhood, the ones practiced to a fine art
in adulthood, these are the survival skills
that' do not bring healthy relationships or
healthy living. These counter-productive
behavior patterns are as addictive as
alcdtol And they stick like glue. They
won't disappear just becauFt you have
become an adult. They don't change
without your first understanding that
they're there, then confronting them and
learning ways to change them.
Do you see yourself anywhere
in this story? If you do, you may need
to read more about changing the
behavior patterns you learned as a child.
It's all right to ask for help. It need not
be a secret anymore.
Do you ever wonder why you
get so angry about the smallest things?
Or, when plans change out of your
control, does it literally freak you out?
Do you ever find yourself working really
hard to please somebody because you
want to be accepted? Do you ever feel
like the success doesn't•satisfy? Does
your own drinking scare you? or, do
,you
treat other things compulsively: fod,
schoolwork, or money?
Children who grow up in
alcoholic homes are sometimes referred
to as ACOA's (Adult Children of
Alcoholics). In the last two or three
years, several psychologists have
suggested that the same kind of
characteristics that. fit ACOA's fit
children of most addictive families.
Discovering that there are
others like us helps.