Oct. 28 1987 LANDSCAPE OF THE NIGHT In the landscape of the night, it is possible to see television in its primal form. And what is this most pristine state? Why, selling, of course. Selling without the distraction of silly programs with silly stories to break up the sacred pitch. At one end are HSC and CVN. No, these letters don't refer to a federal government bureau or a third world revolutionary front. These are the Cable Value Network and the Home Shopping Club. Into your own living room comes the shopping centers from hell. HSC is probably the worst, although it is like deciding between standing in a rain of burning ash or being buried headfirst in excrement. About every half a minute a horn toots, your basic obnoxious off-key bike horn. &this isn't bad enough, the salespetson/announcer, Tamara, grew up someplace like Keokuk lowa. She kinda talks through her nose. She makes Barbara Walters sound like Helen Hayes. Tamara pushes stuff like genuine cubic zirconia diamonds. That's like pushing genuine placebos. There's other junk too. The Jaded Eye: Movie and Television Reviews By C. W. Heiser Porcelain dolls that play the theme from Love Story, plated flatware with hideous bamboo patterns, and clothing that transcends taste—always out of style. At regular intervals, HSC will cut to commercials. Even the boatman on the Styx must need a spell of rest. If we think of CVN and HSC as hellish malls, then, of course, we should step into the specialty shops. One specialty store we might visit in the land of the night would be Blueßlocker. Blueßlockers are overpriced sunglasses. Fora half an hour we're treated to testimonials by brain-dead refugees from MTV about the wonders of Blueßlockers. On the beach, on the street, on the beach again, "These sunglasses changed my life!" Anyone whose life allows for the possibility of change through eye-wear deserves a depleted ozone layer. And what goes best with sunglasses? Why, hair, of course. While we're out in the night, we can learn about men's hair replacement and the Helsinki Formula. Now, at first this looks like a documentary about a major scientific breakthrough, moderated by that Dear Fellow Students, As your representative on the Student Government Association, I need your input. I have proposed, to that student body, that SGA initiate a social function after each graduation commencement that would enable the graduating students and their families and friends to gather around for one last hurrah. Specifically, I am proposing a hot (lunch) buffet and live music, say from twelve noon to 3:30 p.m. I believe this would add a nice touch to our college graduations and would provide traveling students and their families with a good meal and a place to celebrate. It would also give fellow graduates a last chance to get addresses from their classmates that may have been overlooked in the excitement of preparation for graduation. I realize that the affair would not be cheap, although it would not have to be outrageous in cost. If it cannot be held at the CUB, then plans could be made to take it to one of the neighboring hotels or inns. Please, let me know how you feel about this proposal. Drop a note in my mail slot just outside the SGA office.) second floor. Even if you are not a graduating senior, I want to hear from you. This idea will affect your own graduation celebration in the very near future. Ideas like this are the reason I chose to run for office. I want to represent you and to make sure that your funds in SGA are being spent to give you what you value and feel you will benefit by. This proposal will be acted upon in the very near future at our SGA meeting. Don't put off responding. I need to know, and I need to know now! Gene Albano, senator at large P.S. I am not suggesting any additional expense to the students TYPISTS Hundreds weekly at home! Write P.O. Box 17 Clark, NJ 07066 I NEED TO KNOW! WNDR 63 AM CM Ml=l illustrious thespian, Robert Vaughn. Don't be fooled. This is another hour-long commer cial. The cameras take us all over the country to talk to guys who claim that this Helsinki concoction has reversed their hair loss. Could've fooled me. I swear all these cats still look bald, but maybe it's the reception of my set. Our night-time landscape would not be complete without a church. Here in the Central Pennsylvania area our television viewing is blessed with an all night church, a good TV church, complete with commercials. TV-49 out of Red Lion carried GTV through the night. GTV is a gospel knockoff of MTV and must be seen to be believed. Four out of five of the videos are filmed on the same cheap set with camera work and angles that range from A t0...we11, A. So where do we go at night to see drama and tension? To view good theater, without commercial interruptions?...C-SPAN! Nothing, I mean nothing, on late night television will cure insomnia faster than watching Senator Lloyd Bentson of Texas done on about arms control... Goodnight, and sweet dreams. THE PRINCESS BRIDE Probably the best line in The Princess Bride comes when one of the villains is verbally parrying with our hero to learn which of two goblets contains the poisoned wine. The villain tells the young swashbuckler across from him that he's made a world-class blunder, like that of "getting into a land war in Asia." This is funny, but what it's doing in this movie, I have no idea. Until this point, this has been a sweet, but rather slow story. Directed by Rob Reiner, from a screenplay by William Goldman, The Princess Bride is set in a fairytale-like world and these rare references to outside reality are jarring. It may please children, although the only comment I heard a kid make after the movie was that the villain with the wine is also the Huxtables' neighbor on the Cosby Show. I loathe to admit this, but I think I fell asleep. I do know that in his brief appearance, Billy Crystal looks like Gabe Kaplan in wrinkles. If you have kids, wait for the video. If there aren't any children in your life, don't bother. ................................ ............................... NY.Amm:.w.gligva• ....... ...................... ''''''r'amaer tstqatiniud ri,._... ience A W -1aw*......„.._ is auvneSSM°l4kOmnesticVmen Posed to keen la " r "L'v "Ind th at . is sap ' **a C 41.40 in which e , ii k v h aa ,4 --"C° them ~.. 'c - co' husbands away film Al ''''s "slcuwaY can be , , tiater being . threjten„a . i .„ is , '. ono Lams, and guh, - th -- ',... witu,•nsts -a, at little .. ec IA , topjit ;t*Allt,.., ~ v ' a * a t IS IXlcalidie the VOOStit; look ~,,,,r, ,Ft e - paper ...... ,vpds hAniti.. ,_ .. badnn ,i.,.....,,,, l's.., " 4 ' reopte that ha.... T._ ~ -- --vcrience wo d.,,,„.,,,i,„ TV dm v.,. ; ate SeVetal Ways in witi h triostoftetts do net Nya ____ . `""'w"", viOlene, , c a 4 m , 0 1 eee meds to too C itplivatocrime > iuLluk*HOWllhOtttit. his srvoly fonht, The foe , . , afggres. Such atom . 4 " t'SLaYtbatway.itatiries reach People dim 1. nis I' w 6 need to i . g labo al thattooples keen it A,,,... in order i„ ~,..,„ g"; ''‘ ln e n i l on and media rolllTeliCtiwgii e idid,„„., 1 . , c ----4,4, ~ - mulct. mem understand ~• Mends —vir L e e f it , secret from omestic violence i s „,,,,. , utat ily SaCtet t L.- -41 ' J us t anOther fai • n., Most often i t , .O uu stored i n the A , le 111. 4...4.11004,.. rrlm., A - r VilUe it l c a WOMen, and #ftekot ~.k. .' *. against s'"-"`*, clan we need to , * Q --- AC.A.AA", Wien it goe., „.. I,„„,Adeq m ai m vire 4h .. ...___ lvtillions n t. aa „,...., . 4 untePOrted. "" ' 4 %latel ;reargnize •-- 7 -a. inc h - -wauen eaen year sa ac t s acen m sit ma cattle and - emotional intiyA.2 ••• v 4 ine . , ..9.t.v,..4 An tiiene, ,„„ majority. nf fh a — ~, l ' . ..... .c., IT mat IS . needed m.... ..c. .. w """ *--cv women do 110104..„„, domestic violpn,...s. .., P " ill '"'",•• Laklcia. and each ,0,1„,„. loolcal t d _ , -""" 18 u.IO pSyCao 01 them die_ .. 1.7" 61 A SOM. 0- ucation of. worn t, - women t r . hee ~. ore t These ~,,.,,,, , , --- tan.t. , . sixpic,„,. , w ‘ fwvo 0 0 nOt stay with th,,h. servile to their h..,,, ain That they are vvouse they ilk 4-