va ry 28, 1982
/Opinion
Loyalty vs. Patriotism
By Prof. Elmer N. Lear
How can a Wizard turn into a Boob? How can a circumspect member of the federal
meritocracy exhibit the foot-in-mouth syndrome? Above all, how can a loyal,
self-effacing subordinate cause such grievous embarrassment to his chief? These
and a host of related questions come catapulting from the mouths of Washington's
sophisticates. Not alone perplexity but fury too finds expression--fury that
hard-headed skepticism yielded to the fast-talking rhetoric of budgetary jugglery.
David Stockman's allegedly ill-conceived piece bursting from the pages of the
"Atlantic Monthly" seemingly throws President Reagan's supply side economics
into disarray. It implies that the theoretical understructure of the Administra
tion's package rests on very shaky assumptions. It also suggests that the
budgeteer himself had developed haunting doubts regarding the efficacy of his
proposals. Nonetheless, out of an obstinate loyalty to the Administration and its
shibboleths, Stockman perseverated, employing self-hypnosis as he went along.
And the operating figures he contrived seemed to dispel lingering doubts (except,
ironically, on Wall Street).
We can only surmise that an irrepressible intelligence and a dormant
conscience were gnawing away at this super-bureaucrat and inducing a terrible
malaise. Obviously this country's economic health was not improving. What is
more, the prognosis was gloomy. Unemployment was increasing, interest rates
continued high, the investment climate remained unfavorable, and the
disadvantaged were groaning under the heaviest burdens.
Stockman looked around and he perceived that the affluent alone were the
gainers. Could a person of rectitude, respected as a talented expert, acquiesce in
this quagmire of stupidity and deception? Above all, should a devoted American, a
policy-maker affecting the well-being of his countrymen, allow misplaced loyalty
to render him mute? How escape?
What if Stockman were deliberately to commit an indiscretion? Dare he shed
temporarily his role of conforming loyalist? Might he hint that the- imposing
budgetary edifice was but a house of cards? Would not all hell break loose about
his head? Would he not become the scapegoat for the colossal blunderings (and
with respect to the poor, the malfeasances) of Reaganomics? So be it. Patriotism
and intellectual integrity before servile loyalty! The rest is history.
Letters to the Editor
Wumke's Optimistic
Editor
Happy New Year! I'm optimistic it's
going to be another great one. The
recession will end, inflation will de
crease, federal taxes will go down,
unemployment will decrease,
investments will increase, social pro
grams will be funded in private by those
of us who want them, and, most import
ant of all, I'll be able to afford a beer and
a shot at Thirsty's. LEONARD WUMKE
here, welcoming you back to the lonized
Lion Campus of the Pennsylvania State
University.
I hope you all had as nice a holiday as
I did and trust Santa was good to you
and didn't let his reindeer run over
Grandma (as the song says). I just took
my tree down last weekend. I figured it
Or Stockman As Hero
•Editor's Note: The following was
submitted to the C.C. Reader last term.
It was written in response to the much
talked-about article in the Atlantic
Monthly by Budget Director David
Stockman. Though we regret its lack of
timeliness, we nonetheless feel it of
sufficient importance to print now.
We always welcome the thoughts and
opinions of the faculty, staff, and admin
istration of Capitol Campus.
was time when I touched it and the
whole right side disintegrated into a pile
of brown needles. Somebody told me I
should've dumped 2 scoops of brown
sugar and a cup of Chlorox in with its
water. So that's what Christmas trees
are grown in!
But enough of this levity! One-liners
do not a responsible journalist make.
And I've been responsible all my life, or
at least accused of it.
A nice leadership conference was
held two Saturdays ago. High university
officials made comments concerning al
cohol-related events, i.e., Keggars, on
campus. Solutions to the problems
caused by these events? I have none at
this time. Maybe we should impose a
"Three Beer Rule." Now really, guys . . .
I hope all of you took time to go to the
State Farm Show and look at the Dairy
Princesses and other interesting ex
hibits. You might even have seen me
there with my feed cap and bib over
halls on.
Battling Ad-versity
By Sue Brown
Several times during each half-hour
segment of television viewing, the aver
age American is presented with two
options: a trip to the refrigerator or an
uncomfortable 60-second commercial.
A survey published through the
courtesy of a Diet-Ayds commercial
telling us that 30 percent of all Ameri
cans is overweight seems to indicate that
the refrigerator trip should be elimin
ated. This leaves us with the unpleasant
option of sitting through the commer
cials.
Bad as they may be, the quality of
most commercials has improved consid
erably over the years, however ridicu
lous the products might be. In early TV
commercials, a product was generally
presented by a pitchman who stood
woodenly before a camera clutching, for
instance, a box of Duz soap powder and
expounding to the homemakers of
America that "Duz-does-everything."
Occasionally, things would liven up
somewhat when Uncle Miltie put on his
fire chief hat and sirens accompanied his
"Tex-Tex-Texaco" slogan.
Taped commercials were unheard of
in the early years of television. If a
salesman flubbed his lines, he and the
sponsor lived with it in the live shows.
Sometimes, the sponsor would use ani
mals, which, like babies, possess univer
sal appeal and, as everyone knows,
natural perversity. One never-to-be
forgotten (at least by the Ralston-Purina
Corporation) example was a spot of Ed
McMahon with a lovable St. Bernard and
a bowl of Purina dog chow. Just as Mr.
McMahon finished assuring the audience
of how much Bruno loved his Purina
chow, Bruno sniffed the bowl disdain
fully and walked away from the camera.
However, the mistakes and
disappointments of live shows were soon
to be no more. With the advent of the
taping of commercials, and advertising
budgets which permitted filming all over
the world, the caliber of performances
and presentations became equal--in some
cases superior--to many of the live
shows. Disregarding products, which, as
I stated earlier, sometimes are them
selves ridiculous, some 60-second
spots are worth putting up with the
, In my next letter I will announce the
rules for the 2nd Annual LEONARD
WUMKE Teddy Bear & Duck Bath
Contest. In the meantime, you should all
try bathing with your bears and ducks
while playing Iron Butterfly at 78.
Like molasses in January, in sus
pended animation I remain
LEONARD WUMKE
Trite Cerebral Action
Editor
What do I think of the new name for
Vendorville? Well, Lion's Den is horse
hockey. Of all the unimaginative names!
I believe it is time to give Lion's Den a
break. We have been subjected to it ever
since Daniel was thrown into one. This
choice reflects the true nature of the
average show to see. For instance, the
Coke commercial with Joe Greene of the
Pittsburgh Steelers and a young fan was
a classic. In it, the viewer saw more
emotion than the average soap opera
unfolds. A weary, defeated football hero,
overcome with exhaustion and
depression, is annoyed by the boy. The
lad, trying so hard to be helpful, offers
him a Coke. The anger at himself is
evident in Joe's refusal, but the young
fan doesn't understand the complex
emotional situation his hero is under
going and responds with hurt pride. Joe
sees this, accepts the Coke, and the boy
is pleased to be able to help a famous
football star. His pleasure turns to
exhiliaration when he is rewarded with a
jersey --not too clean and a little damp
looking, but a jersey worn by Mean Joe
in a Steeler game. In my opinion
Academy awards have been won b:
films containing less emotional impact
The caliber of the actor has also
changed much in recent years. The Paul
Masson Vineyards bottle excellent dom
estic wines, and are publicized in many
magazines and newspapers. But who
among us can doubt the efficacy of one of
the theater's finest voices reassuring the
prospective buyer that "Paul Masson
will sell no wine before its time"? Even
the pleasantly obese figure of Orson
Welles visually savoring a glass of
Emerald Dry can send one rushing to his
local state store. ,
Sir Laurence Olivier, an actor whom
Shakespeare might have written ex
clusively for had they met, soliloquizes
over Polaroid cameras, and kindly old
Doctor Marcus Welby, who never lost a
patient and made house calls too, con
vinces us that the need to de-caffinate
ourselves is vital.
It is, therefore, a decision of some
importance whether to watch the com
mercials or flirt with obesity now that
their quality has improved so vastly. The
pleasure of watching Louis Jordan softly
murmur, "Because she deserves the
very finest" is guaranteed to keep most
women watching their sets. Time
enough to go out into the kitchen when
Howard Cosell comes on camera again.
administration which runs this "insti
tution of higher learning." The cerebral
action is trite, hackneyed, and tradition
al. If the provost had any intestinal
fortitude he would have sent the list
back and said, "Upper division students
can be more creative than this." Instead,
he just, as always, satisfied a require
ment.
The selection committee should bow
their heads in shame. They capitulated
to the pressure of 41 entrants who
named Lions Den. This should have
indicated that originality was sorely
lacking.
Name withheld upon request
Page 9