C.C. Reader
$25.00
Research Paper
Delta
Submit your best effort in a Social Science research paper. If your work, as
determined by a faculty panel, stands above the rest, you will receive a certificate
of merit and 825.00 from Delta Tau Kappa.
A clean copy of your paper should be forwarded to the office of Dr. John
Teske, W-153, by February 1, 1982.
Rock Talk
By Gene McGovern
The winner of the Music Contest is Rick Mathews. Come by the C.C. Reader
Office and pick up your tape.
The winning answer to the question, "Name Foghat's tenth album" was
"Tightshoes." Rick had a real battle with one other person. It had to go down to
the final tie-breaker to decide the winner.
My column will be back in the next issue. Sorry. I'm presently on special
assignment. Don't lose any sleep, hey!
-
For Your
From
Tau Kappa
Thursday, January 28, '1982
w. s‘4o'll 4.•••,414t441
Question...
Gentlemen:
Why was that bowl the Nittany Lions
played in called the Fiesta Bowl? Was it
because it was a fiesta to get the team
away from University Park for a few
days? Or was it because the fans had a
fiesta to celebrate that the football
season was finally over?
Bob Antonini
Happy Valley Correspondent
Dear Mr. Antonini,
It was called the Fiesta Bowl for one
simple reason. The NBC camera crew
managed to go the entire game without
focusing below Joe Pa's waist, thus
sparing PSU fans from looking at clam
diggers and white socks, a sight which
we have all had our fill of this year. This,
even more than the PSU victory, gave
the fans plenty of reason to call it the
Fiesta Bowl.
Some inside info: The only reason Joe
agreed to take his flashy, imaginative
offense out west is because he thought
the Lions were going to the Siesta Bowl.
Dearest Bave and Dill,
How cum youse guys don't have a
column about Veterans in your paper?
You know. New policy on veterans
benefits, Agent Orange legislation,
(Oops, excuse me, my right hand just fell
off! I'm sorry Agent Orange hasn't been
proven hazardous to your health.) etc.
Shape up, C.C. Reader!
Dear D.G.,
We would be more than happy to
accommodate you, if only someone would
write such a column. On second thought,
if you are typical of the military intelli
gence around here, we'd rather run a
column on great singing veterans of the
opera such as Slim Whitman and Boxcar
Willie.
The next time, buddy, try writing
with your left hand.
Gentlemen:
This year the federal government
will not require aliens within the borders
of the United States to register an
annual alien address report with the
Immigration and Naturalization Service,
but will' require all male American
citizens between the ages of 18 and 21 to
register with the Selective Service.
Wouldn't you say that this is a case of
reverse alienation?
Alfred Bryon & Al Piantadosi
We have
landed.
A Stupid
By Bill Neil And Dave Caruso
Disgruntled Grunt
Ask
Dear Alfie and Albie,
Although you may have a point, we
feel that a true case of reverse alienation
is noitaneila.
Dear Sirs,
I understand it is easy to answer a
stupid question, because only stupid
people can answer it, and only stupid
people will understand it.
Dear Stupid,
While we're on the subject of stupid
ity, ma'am, we have come to the conclu
sion that if we shoved your brain down a
gnat's throat, it would rattle around like
a beebee in a boxcar.
If this answer meets your qualifica
tions, then even you should understand
Dear Bill and Dave,
Is it possible for a cunning linguist to
breathe under water?
Dear Quadrupedal,
Affirmative, Wile E. He or she just
has to be careful of his or her morphemes
and phonemes. The wrong combination
of morphemes, phonemes, and H2O, you
must remember, can cause diarrhea of
the mouth.
Dear Editors,
What do you think of a column in the
READER entitled "Name Your Perver
sion"? We could sit back and see what
type of weirdos inhabit the C.C. campus
or to what astronomical limits the
individual's imagination will reach.
The Right Rev. Slippy Wraparound
Dear Impostor,
There already exists such a column;
it's called the personals.
We would like to thank all of our
"stupid" contributors. Keep those
queries coming, and remember: When
all else fails, read the directions.
Page 3
U. Stupid
Wile E. Coyote