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F
i c Question...
Dear "Ask Me,"
Is there life after death?
Dear P-Lid,
Only in the dictionary
Dear "Answered Me,"
If there is life after death, why isn't it
called "life after life"?
Dear D-Lip,
If you insist on asking us such bizarre
questions, you will be the death of us.
You truly are one of our most dead-icat
ed readers.
Or, to quote George Washington, we
cannot tell a life.
Gentlemen
Why does Penn State have blue and
white for its school colors? Does the blue
stand for the pills students take so that
they can stay awake to cram for tests?
Does the white represent the faces of the
students after taking those tests? I'm
sure you wise and witty gentlemen know
the answer.
Bob Antonini
Happy Valley Correspondent
Dear Robert,
In the early days of Happy Valley,
the football team met with as much
success as this year's version of the
Northwestern Mildcats--they emerged
(barely) from each week's contest black
and blue. Hence, those familiar colors
were adopted by the University.
But, along came Flashy Joe (he of the
three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust game
plan), who immediately decided that
black and blue no longer fit the character
of his team. It was decided that blue and
A Stupid
By Bill Neil And Dave Caruso
white--a drab and expressionless com
bination if there ever was one--would be
much more appropriate.
Now, about those imaginative helmet
designs . . .
Mr. Reincarnation
(P-Lid)
Dear Bill and Dave,
As a student at Capitol, I have
examined the administrative hierarchy
here and I find many of the names new to
me. How can someone hold such a
prestigious position and still remain
practically unheard-of and unseen at
nearly all of the activities on campus?
Mr. Incarnation
(D-Lip)
Dear Teddy
Once upon a time, there lived a group
of small boys. They grew up with hopes
of becoming famous celebrities, and
many of them did.
Several achieved their goal by be
coming vice presidents of the United
States. Others succeeded by becoming
lieutenant governors of Pennsylvania.
One even preferred to travel abroad and
became the PR man for the Ayatollah
Khomeini.
But alas! Some of these men were not
as fortunate; they had to restrict their
anonymity to the greater Middletown
area. Namely, Capitol Campus.
And that is the story of how all these
invisible men came to haunt the halls of
Olmsted.
By the way, whatever happened to
George Bush?
Classes to be held locally if sufficient
enrollment.
TEST PREPARATION
SPECIALISTS SINCE 1938
Inquire about DAT classes in Allentown.
Ask
Theodore P. Rovost
Dear Sirs,
By the way, whatever happened to
George Bush?
Alone in the White House
Dear Only Lonely,
We asked you first
Monday, November 23, 1981
Dear Bill and Dave,
Who is that professor on the front
page of the October 1 edition of your
paper? He looks like a career lemon
sucker.
Is this guy really the winner of the
James Jordan Memorial Award, or did
his mother stuff the ballot box?
Dear Tooti-Frooti,
The professor you speak of is really
an amicable man. Not only that, he's also
very friendly.
The reason he looks as hostile as he
does is because somebody switched his
can of Coke with one ,containing Mello
Yello only minutes before he had his
picture snapped. Since he regards the
taste of Mello Yello as that of battery
acid, his facial expression is understand
able.
Have no fear, unlike Tom Landry, he
is not a graduate of the Mount Rushmore
School of Stone Faces.
Dear Bave and Dill,
Why cant eye land a jobb as a
jernelist?
Dear Mr. Mehoff,
Probably because you majored in
engineering.
Dear Bill and Dave,
Is it true that the University is considering purchasing this lovely old train
station in beautiful downtown Middletown, and converting it into off-campus
living quarters? If so, will it be ready for occupancy by next fall?
Dear Mr. Morrison,
The modernistic structure of which you speak would have trouble meeting
Health Department standards, but it would surpass the standards of the students
living in Meade Heights, judging by the homes that these roving reporters have
been in lately. When asked, the bureaucratic "do nothing" administration gave
their customary: No Comment.
By the looks of it, though, this would be a good place for the Bookstore to
relocate. Lord knows, it would be an improvement.
After a brief vacation, Stupid Questions have returned.
So, if you have any questions for us, drop them off at the READER Office in
W-129. And don't worry, we try to answer every one we get.
And until next time, remember that friends may come and go, but enemies
accumulate.
\ \V
///1 7\l y VII
\\\\ //
I
Citrus Man
Tix Mehoff
==t
i•!
•
Dear Mr. Bill & Mr. Dave,
Will I see the Great Pumpkin if I
stand in People's Park on October 31 at
midnight?
Dear Nutty,
If you visited enough Meade Heights
parties, pal, you'd see a lot more than the
Great Pumpkin before the night was
over.
In fact, if you visited all of the Meade
Heights parties, you wouldn't be stand
ing at all.
Dear Gruesome Two-some,
What's scarier-the monster they
keep in that building along the path to
the dorms, or TMI?
Dear Officer Friday,
Although you mention two very
scary things, we are not frightened by
either one of them.
However, for an experience in sheer
terror, we suggest a trip to the Admis
sions Office.
C.C. Reader
Working for Peanuts
Officer Friday XIII
"' -,244)
Photo By Rick Morrison
Rick Morrison