C.C. Reader
Editor
Now that the elections are over and I
am the President of the SGA, I would
like to extend thank yous to all of those
people who helped me in my campaign.
First, thanks go to those students
who supported me and voted on April 21
and 22.
Next, I would like to thank all my
campaign agents and friends, my room
mate, Donna Wilson, my boss, Jean
Billet, Harry Moyer, and Kathy Bran
igan. All of these people encouraged me
If you know where a similar piece of equipment is--apart from the engineering
rooms--please phone 948-6293 so it can be retrieved.
Guitarist Allen Krantz is an exciting young performer who has delighted
audiences on both coasts as well as on television and radio. His repetoire ranges
from the Renaissance to the twentieth century, and includes original compositions
and music from Japan and India, as well as the traditional European and Latin
American guitar literature.
Allen Krantz holds a Bachelor of Music degree from the San Francisco
Conservatory and a Master of Music degree from Stanford University, and has
studied with such noted guitarists as Michael Lorimer and Oscar Ghiglia among
others. He has appeared often on college campuses, community concert series and
in numerous chamber music ensembles and festivals, as well as with orchestra.
Recently, he performed duets with Russian mandolinist Emanuil Scheynkman in
Carnegie Hall as part of the Soviet Emigre Music Festival.
The Thanks We Get!
and supported me through the campaign
process.
Also, a thank you goes to Leonard
Wumke, who endorsed me as the candi
date for president.
A special thamk you goes to Rosanne
Rosenberger for all the help and pep
talks she gave mq.
One final note to all the students at
Capitol Campus: SGA is here to work for
the students. Feel free to attend our
meetings or see a member for guidance.
Roberta Bronson
SGA President
Thursday, April 30, 1981
e)
: , Question...
Dear Bill and Dave,
I have recently learned of a bird
called a tern. According to my source,
this creature—unlike other fowl--keeps
the same mate its entire life.
Can you tell me why the tern has this
unique mating habit?
Dear Jr.,
One good tern deserves another
Dear Sirs,
Why is Capitol Campus such a de
pressing place, architecturally speaking?
Architecturally Depressed
Dear Depressed,
Architecturally speaking, the pictur
esque pyramids and sphinxes were de
signed and built by innovative Egyp
tians. Since they're all mummies now,
we can no longer rely on their ingenuity.
That is why Capitol Campus is not the
Ninth Wonder of the World.
What did you expect only one mile
away from a nuclear landmark, anyway,
the Taj Mahal?
Dear Bill and Dave,
Will the New York Mets and the
Toronto Blue Jays ever make it to the
World Series simultaneously?
Dear Worried,
Will Alexander M. Haig, Jr. ever
become the head of the International
Peace Corps?
Dear Bill and Dave,
Since University Park is so big, and
there are so many people being herded
to and fro, why don't they change the
school's nickname to the Nittany Lines?
Bob Antonini
Happy Valley Correspondent
Dear Mr. Antonini,
How dare you criticize the PSU
nickname! That's like faulting the Com
mander-in-Chief of the ruthless Polish
National Border Patrol.
Being a Happy Valley resident your
self, you should know that the same
teeming throngs you speak of are re
sponsible for the current nickname. You
see, the scholarly students that U.P. is
known for (such as yourself, we're sure)
simply cannot put down their books foe
even one minute. Because of this obses
sive yearning for learning, students
were frequently seen "lion" all over the
campus studying every waking hour.
Hence, the sobriquet that we have all
come to know and love. Everyone but
you, you Communist.
Aristophanes Jr
A worried network executive
Ask
A Stupid
By Bill Neil And Dave Caruso
Dear Senator Bill and Dave,
Bill, since you are now the Senator of
Humanities, is Dave your lawyer?
F.L. Bailey
Dear F.L. Bailey,
Sorry, buddy, the jury's still out on
this question.
I am not up on my sports, and during
the NHL playoffs I keep hearing the
name of Wayne Gretzky. Who (or what)
is he, and why is he important? I thought
he sang for the Beach Boys.
Dear Wise Guy,
He may as well sing for the Beach
Boys, since his summer vacation unex
pectedly commenced last week. Even
though the so-called "Great" Gretzky set
many a league record during the season,
one man doth not a team make.
When you think about it, wouldn't it
be nice if Gretzky and his Oilers could
have had some good vibrations during
the playoffs, thus giving their poor fans
some fun, fun, fun, along with the
Stanley Cup?
Dear Bill and Dave,
Who did you two endorse in the 1980
presidential campaign?
Dear John,
Gee, after writing all these columns,
we finally get to pen a "Dear John"
letter.
As to your question: none of your
business who we voted for. You should
be able to figure out, though, that we
didn't endorse you, or this letter would
be coming from the White House.
By the way, Johnny, we hope people
eat up your corn more than they ate up
you. Hoe, hoe, hoe.
Dear William and David,
Last Halloween, I decided to go
trick-or-treating as a ghost. I created
what I thought was a foolproof costume.
Much to my chagrin, however, everyone
immediately knew who I was. As it
turned out, I had forgotten to sew the
back of my homemade ghost costume
closed.
Can you kind sirs offer any advice to
novices such as me, to avoid future
embarrassment?
Dear Casper,
Before you go out trick-or-treating
next year, make sure you have your
sheet together.
H you have (or think you have) a
question of _reasonable stupidity, let us
hear it. You can drop off your questions
at the C.C. READER office or give them
to one of the authors. Your help is
greatly appreciated. Keep those bizarre
questions coming!
Page 3
G. Lafleur
John Anderson
Casper the troubled ghost