C.C. Reader
WUMKE TALKS
ON WATER
Editor
I am back again after a one-issue
absence and am glad to see all of you
looking so chipper. No doubt you're
having visions of your Second Annual
March 28 Nuclear "Get Wasted" Party.
If you can't beat 'em, nuke 'em. That's
what I always say.
Before I forget, someone told me to
congratulate Christopher "Panky" Belin
and Michael " Bemo ' Bellomo on their
upcoming graduation. Capitol Campus
will miss these two fine good ole boys
muchly. Also, thanks to Joe, Ed, and
Chris for their thank-you note in the last
issue. It's nice to know some people still
know the importance of those two
words, i.e., Thank you. And it's great to
know I'm depreciated. (Accounting joke)
I have recently noted that Capitol
Campus has come up with a unique
approach to conserving water during
these dry times. It seems our beloved
Department of Housing and Food Ser
vice is failing to replace the damaged
and/or missing water fountains in the
residence halls. Gee guys, I know the
water was barely fit for human con
sumption in the first place, but it was OK
for doing a few aspirin the morning after
a grain party. It might also be assumed
that the lack of readily available water
on the floors leads to increased con
sumption of alcohol to quench thirsts
and, therefore, more damages to the
remaining fountains.
I want 10% of you out there to get
together and vote when the new SGA
Constitution is put before the electorate.
You'll have to decide among yourselves
which 10% that will be. Leonard thinks
this new constitution is a step in the
right direction. (Not to be confused with
a step to the left.)
All of you trout fisherpersons out
there: Watch my coming letters for tips
on places to go in the area. Pre-season
baseball picks: Phils and Dodgers in the
National; Orioles and Royals in the
American.
That's all for now, sports fans. Until
meltdown, I remain
LEONARD WUMKE
Letters
Editor
Sometimes I wish I cared more.
Sometimes I wish I cared the way
students used to care. Sometimes I
wonder why I never did. Sometimes I
wonder what I'm doing here. Sometimes
I feel I knew them all back there.
I don't give a damn how anyone else
feels. I don't care if anyone else cares. I
still care. And that's what counts.
Four of us died at Kent State on May
4, 1970. US. They killed some of us. And
we've all but forgotten. I don't care if
you don't care. I never forget when
someone like me dies. I try to forgive but
I never forget. NEVER.
Name withheld upon request
Editor
Remember me? I was the one who
asked about the Pepto-Bismol pink walls
and other curious wall designs in the
Main Building. Okay, I've got another
question in regard to seemingly unex
plainable things on campus. What are
those Crayola-Crayon-colored buildings
on campus—you know, the ones across
from C.R.A.G.S. Building?
When my parents and I visited
Capitol Campus last year for an "open
house," my father asked our guide about
those buildings. The reply: They're
used for storage." Okay, fine. But why is
one building painted red, another paint
ed blue, and yet another one painted
yellow? I mean, is this kindergarten or
what?
THE I'S OF MARCH
COLOR COMMENTARY
Oh, I get it! All of the red junk goes in
the red building, the blue junk in the
blue building, and the green junk in the
green building!
Now, I'm all for a brighter, more
cheerful camnus. But tell me, where do
they put the orange junk? Or do the
stored item. only come in primary
colors?
Thursday, March 5, 1981
Ask
A Stupid
c Question...
Dear Bill and Dave,
As an engineering student here on campus, I was Fed Up 111 with respect to
Fed Up H's implications that all engineers have the same I.Q.'s as their cabooses.
Have you ever considered that we don't care about your concerns that our
vocabulary is "unpedantic." We have more important things to think about. You
business students (especially you, Fed Up II), who probably used to be
engineering students but couldn't hack it, shouldn't worry about such a trivial
matter. Believe me, if we have something to say, you'll get the message whether
or not the grammar, syntax, and diction are correct.
My question, from all of this, is how come the business students have so much
time to worry what engineers do? And, now that you know we fight back, are you
gonna pick on the defenseless students of the Humanities?
P.S.- If you find any error in my written word, DON'T BOTHER ME! Because,
frankly Fed Up 11, I don't give a damn! I think even a business student could get
my message.
Dear JR,
Since we ourselves are "defenseless students of the Humanities," we can't
answer you.
Instead, we appealed to the instigator of this debate, the one and only Fed Up
IL He submitted the following rebuttal, done with his usual flair.
However, he failed to mention one blatant mistake. Even though you "don't
give a damn" about your written word, you should at least know that all
interrogative sentences conclude with question marks. You know, JR, those
funny-looking curly-Q's that sit on top of periods? We assumed all college students
knew this, but then we realized that you're an engineer.
Before I start my rebuttal, I would like to thank B & D for their gracious offer
to me to present my unbiased opinion.
So concerning the above letter-Mr. Ewing, I think it is a masterpiece of
information and facts that creates a great defense for my previous question. To
show • you, I will be benevolent and only dissect your question, sentence by
sentence.
First, do all engineers have the audacity or impudence to be so original with
reference to pen names? Also, I don't recall referring to engineers' intelligence
quotients or their cabooses, but if you would like to make the connection between
the two: hey, that's fine with me.
Secondly, your word "unpedantic" is certainly a colloquialism that should be
referred to Mark Phillips' friend (who does research for Websters).
Concerning your fourth sentence, I suppose that when I was in the Crayola
crayon years I could have been classified as an engineer, but you're right, I
quickly grew up.
Next sentence: it's not that we're not getting your message, it's that you use
such an unacceptable language that you make yourselves out to be walking
zombies.
The answer to your question is simple, if you would just look in the mirror and
ask that person how he had the time to respond to my previous question .
Oh, next time let's leave the insignificant fleas in Humanities out of this, shall
we?
Kathy Kern
Dear Sirs:
I was wondering if you could possibly answer some questions I have about Fed
Up H. First, why does he insist on using the alias Fed Up II when he writes a
question for the C.C. READER? Is it because he doesn't have any pride in the
trash he writes about, or is it because he's embarrassed about his real name?
After meeting his fiance, Elephant, I can understand why he does not use his
real name to sign his Personals. Which brings me to questions two and three. Why
does he write Personals to a female (?) that doesn't even attend this school?
Between him and Elephant, which one is more feminine? (I think Fed Up II wins
hands-down.)
Fed Up H claims he shattered his knuckle playing basketball, but I think he
did it paging through the dictionary looking for 20-letter words with which he can
impress people, what do you think?
My last question, which really has me stumped: how does looking through the
dictionary help him study for a Finance test? Perhaps that's why he dropped it.
The Infamous Mark Phillips, Engineer
Dear Infamous Engineer,
We are honored to have our humble column graced by a C.C. celebrity such as
yourself. However, we are not worthy--nor qualified--to even attempt an answer.
Instead, we will put you on hold while we await Fed Up ll's response.
By Bill Neil And Dave Caruso
Page 3
Sincerely, Fed Up II