C.C. Reader
Letters To The Editor
Bear-el of Fun
Editor
I know it was rough, but I see most of
you made it back after a one-month
lay-off. And I have even noted a few new
faces in the crowd. Leonard Wumke
welcomes you. (That has a nice ring to it,
doesn't it?) For all of you returning folks,
I'm glad you came back. I missed
you'uns, as I'm sure y'all missed me. Are
youse ready for the new year with all of
its challenges, trials, and tribulations?
I'll start the new year with the same
story I ended the old with. Once upon a
time, a Teddy Bear and duck were
taking, a bath together. The Teddy Bear
said to the duck, "Pass me the soap," - and
the duck said, "What do you think I am --
a radio?"
Has anyone pondered the meaning
and/or symbolism of that anecdote? One
interpretation sees the duck as a symbol
of the United States and the Bear as
Russia. Use your imagination to figure
that one out.
If you have any other interpreta
tions, write them in 100 words or less,
place them in a plain enevelope marked
"Leonard Wumke Teddy Bear & Duck
Bath Contest," and slide them under the
door of the C Reader Office, W-129.
Harry will s, Id I get them.
The winner will receive a free case of
Iron City. If no one enters, I get to drink
the whole case myself.
Speaking of beer, a new bar within
crawling distance of campus opened up
near the end of Fall Term known as the
Sunburst Motel. It's located just east of
Olmsted Plaza on Route 230. While it is
slightly more expensive than some other
area pubs, the customers and bar per
sons seem very friendly. (That means
they were buying drinks for Leonard.)
Just thought I'd mention that there is
something else to do around here.
I'm psyched for Ronny's giant step to
the right next Tuesday. It should be
interesting to see where he'll take the
country by "1984." Has anyone besides
me noticed a correlation between the
current shortage of peanut butter and
the coming shortage of Georgians in the
White House? If Jimmy can't get his
22% pension increase by legislative
REVOLUTION UPDATE
(Revolution Update is a continuation of
"Diary of a College Revolutionary." This
time, however, the self-promoting psy
cho is not alone. The members of an
unnamed revolutionary band have se
lected Lt. Colonel S.C. Anon as their
leader and spokesman.)
January 1, 1981
At last the path to revolution has
been cleared! There are four new mem
bers of our clan, which now totals five.
Although I cannot, for security reasons,
reveal their true identities, I am able to
introduce them to yo,u by their code
names.
•2nd Lieutenant Borrk -- An axe mur
derer by nature, Borrk seldom reveals
any human emotions, except when the
Donny and Marie Osmond "Hawaiian
Punch" commercial is on T.V., at which
time he has a tendency to kick or punch
the T.V. screen. There are those who say
this is not a human action , but rather
an animalistic, sub-human reaction.
Whatever the case, Borrk has taken out
two televisions this month alone. Borrk
has had an inferiority complex ever since
he learned that his mother was a test
tube marked "Failure."
means, he'll hit Americans where it
counts -- in the stomachs.
SGA still has a few small things to
take care of in the next five months.
More on that at a later date when I don't
feel so apathetic about school politics.
It's going to be another beautiful
year in South-Central Pennsylvania.
And if you don't believe me, just take a
walk along the Susquehanna on the path
leading from the Falmouth Access Area
(a few miles below TMI on Route 441).
Make sure you take your camera.
Leonard's gonna back on out now so
you can get back to your studies. But not
to worry, I'll be talking to you again.
Don't forget about the Teddy Bear &
Duck Bath Contest.
One more thing: Eagles will take it to
the limit!
Name Game
Your Editorship,
As I was reading the November 20
edition of the C.C. Reader, I was greatly
amused by the comments and opinions
expressed in the letter to the editor
concerning the relations between the
United States and Iran - more specifi
cally the defense of the late Shah.
However, my amusement was
abruptly terminated when I came to the
conclusion of this biased letter and
discovered that the author was not
identified.
Now, dear reader, may I ask you -
how strongly can this person believe in
what he (or she) is saying? How firm can
his beliefs be if he is unwilling to publicly
be associated with the statements made?
How dedicated can this individual be to
his country? Indeed, how much courage
is needed in this day and age - in this
country, at least - to sign one's name to
his own publicly printed beliefs?
Need that anonymous author be
asked to consider what shape the world
would be in today if others hadn't the
courage to sign their names and stand up
for what they believed in? Where would
we - as Americans - be today if John
Hancock had not applied his majestic
signature to the Declaration of Indepen-
Diary Of A College Revolutionary
01st Lieutenant Kemo a former demo
litions expert in the Army, Kemo was
discharged after he tried to sell plastic
explosives disguised as candles to vari
ous refugees at rort Indiantown Gap.
Serious charges against him were drop
ped however, when he told the Army
that he was not smuggling or operating a
black market, but was really trying to
blow some "aliens," as he called them,
into the next dimension. The Army said
that was okay, and gave him a good
conduct medal along with his honorable
discharge. Kemo was a member of the
winning team in last year's "World Tag
Team Chain Saw Death Match" held in
El Salvador.
•Captain Damien the other member of
that winning team in El Salvador.
Damien was a close-combat instructor
with the Marines, until they found that
he killed or maimed 95% of his students
during classes. Damien enjoys wrestling
gorillas (he always wins) and making up
dolls that look like Howard Cosell and
violently jabbing them with bayonets.
Damien is into a back-to-nature kick in
his eating habits. I mean way back, like
before there was fire, because he eats
everything raw, like meat, fish, and
Thursday, January 15, 1981
As always, i remain . . .
LEONARD WUMKE
dence? How much prestige and power
would the U.S. be lacking if Thomas
Jefferson hadn't signed the Louisiana
Purchase and doubled the size of our
then-inferior nation? What would mod
ern-day Paris smell like if the immortal
Pierre Francoise de La Brioschi had not
condemned and redesigned its sewer
system? Consider, if you will, the plight
the world would be in today if Sir Isaac
Newton had not signed into effect the
eternal Laws of Gravity. Would the
Filthadelphia (sic) Phillies have won the
World Series if Pete Rose had not signed
his name to a contract agreeing to play
for them? Or, would Pete Rose stay on
that club if Ruly Carpenter did not have
the audacity to sign his name on Mr.
Rose's paychecks, literally giving a
grown man millions of dollars to play a
child's game? What would be the state of
our economy if Charles S. Supplie and
Wilhelm de Mannd had not penned their
astonishing findings after years and
years of diligent research and finally
developed their famous laws of Supplie
and de Mannd?
These are only a few exampl.es of
great men - many of whom risked their
lives - who were proud to be identified;
they stood up for what they thought was
right.
Since our anonymous author had no
apparent reason for keeping his name a
secret, while at the same time adamantly
defending the Iranians, I can reach only
one conclusion: the Shah of Iran is not
dead; he is alive and writing letters to
the editor at Capitol Campus.
Name withheld upon request
Leaping LEzards!
A solution !
Editor
I 'found your Editorial/Opinion col
umn of Thursday, November 20, 1980
entitled "Inconsideration Considered"
very interesting. It was refreshing to
hear from a student that wants to listen
and is disturbed about classroom dis
turbances.
The key to the solution is two-fold
chickens. Sometimes he doesn't even kill •1) Outlawing those little waving hands
his food before he starts eating it. An that people put in the rear wind
anthropology major I know once said shield of their cars. Those things are
that looking at Damien was like having a a highway menace! Once you start
glimpse into the past, somewhere around looking at the thing waving back
Neanderthal. and forth, you get hypnotized and
*Major Disaster a former chemical
warfare specialist with the Air Force,
Disaster specializes in putting large
groups of people to sleep for periods
ranging between 15 minutes and for
ever. He is credited with putting an
entire Congressional session to sleep for
three years now. Many of them woke up
•2) Taking all silly commercials off the
only to find their seat .taken by a
air, like Charmin (Public execution
Republican. While driving past a trailer
for Mr. Wipple), Bonjour Jeans, and
park or other congested neighborhood,
do something about Mrs. Folgers,
Disaster will often remark, "If I were a
shoot her, anything. Sanka brand
tornado, I would go through that neigh
must go also.
borhood." Disaster's other interests in
clude Viking history, alcohol binges, and
incendiary explosives. He is also writing January 10, 1981
.a book entitled "Death Camps as a Social There has been no response to'
Weapon in Late 20th Century America." our demands of two days ago. This
January 8, 1981 means, of course, that since the govern-
Our first official meeting has been ment will do nothing, we must take over
concluded! We have decided that Ameri
_ the government . We hereby demand
ca is in need of drastic reform if it is to that the United States Government be
survive. We have created a list of turned over to us, with myself as
demands to be submitted to the govern- Commander-in-Chief, no later than Mon
ment. These demands include: day, or else face the consequences.
The professor must be alerted by
the concerned students that they
desire a quiet class with one person
speaking at a time. The professor
must then inform the students that
this is a class requirement and that
students not obeying the rule will
be asked to leave and create their
disturbances elsewhere.
2.
Peer pressure from the students
will assure that this technique
works.
Dr. Lawrence A. Ezard
Fair Thee Well
Fellow Students:
This is to inform you that an Organi
zational Fair will be held January 20,
next Tuesday. The Fair will be held in
the Gallery Lounge between the hours of
10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.
During the off hours sign up sheets will
be available for those interested in a
club.
If any questions arise, speak to
Kathy Branigan or me. This is the time
to join a club. David J. Austin
Chair, President's Council
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the next thing you know you're sit
ting next to your engine which was
pushed back by the oak tree you
slammed into when you missed the
curve because you were mesmer
ized by that stupid waving hand!
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