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Guide To Engineers
by Gayle Greenwald
This article is being pre
sented specifically for those of
you who have experienced dif
ficulty in distinguishing an
Engineering student from a
Humanities major or a Servo
mation employee. If this in
cludes you, kindly tear this
article out (after you have read
the rest of the paper) and carry
it with you for easy access.
Handy Reference Guide
to Capitol Campus
Engineering Students
ENGINEER, BASIC MODEL:
Carries a late model briefcase
with the Engineer's Creed
taped inside; never gets in
volved with anything/anyone
on campus; convulses at the
mention of the word "Fortran";
studies every spare moment
and then convinces his/her col
leages that he/she "never
cracked the book"; cries when
their roommate accidentally
knocks their calculator off the
Comedy Columns And Crying Children
By Martin Wasser
"Why are you crying little
girl? Where are your feet?",
questioned the stranger. Four
year old Bernadette, an in
nocent pearl with lushous
blonde hair sitting on the pave
ment in a puddle of red ooze.
The child whimpered, "Capitol
Campus has no comedy column
Campus Paperback bestsellers
1. The Thorn Birds, by Colleen McCullough. (Avon,
$2.50.) Australian family saga: fiction.
2. All Things Wise and Wonderful, by James Herriot
(Bantam, $2.75) Continuing story of Yorkshire vet.
3. The Dragons of Eden, by Carl Sagan. (Ballantine,
$2.25.) The evolution of intelligence.
4. Your Erroneous Zones, by Wayne W. Dyer. (Avon,
$2.25.) Self-help pep talk.
5. The Amityville Horror, by Jay Anson. (Bantam, $2.50.)
True story of terror in a house possessed.
6. Lucifer's Hammer, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle.
(Fawcett/Crest, $2.50.) Struggle for survival after gigan
tic comet hits earth: fiction.
7. Dynasty, by Robert S. Elegant. (Fawcett/Crest, $2.75.)
Saga of dynamic Eurasian family: fiction.
8. The Joy of Sex, by Alex Comfort. (Simon & Schuster,
$6.95.) Guide to attaining sexual enjoyment.
9. How to Flatten Your Stomach, by Jim Everroad
(Price/Stern/Sloan, $1.75.) Rationale and exercises.
10. The Book of Merlyn, by T.H. White. (Berkley, $2.25.)
Fantasy about last days of King Arthur: fiction.
This list was compiled October 15, 1978 by The Chronicle of Higher
Education from information supplied by college stores throughout the
country.
dresser the night before their
Calc H midterm.
For distinguishing between
Electrical
CHARACTERISTICS: Those
having the loudest stereo sys
stems on campus. Also know
the true meaning of "MF" by
their Bth term.
WHERE FOUND: Strung out
in series along the 2nd floor,
east wing
Mechanical
CHARACTERISTICS: The on
ly students on this campus who
can say - the word "vibrator"
with a straight face.
WHERE FOUND: Under a 14
foot bamboo pole with personal
articles of clothing attached.
Water
CHARACTERISTICS: Know
the difference between Stan-
and I've hacked off my feet in
protest."
It's true. The C.C. Reader
has already printed several is
sues without as much as a
comic. Does not the campus
comedian want his material
published? Certainly he does.
Equally, C.C.Reader wants to
publish those laughs. At what
better spot could a funny guy
C.C. Reader
Lifestyles
dard Methods and the mission
ary position.
WHERE FOUND: Standing
around clarifiers and watching
floating objects while the in
structor is half-way through the
treatment plant.
Transportation
CHARACTERISTICS: Those
engineering students doing the
least amount of work with the
greatest amount of complain
ing.
WHERE FOUND: Do we still
have some?
Building
CHARACTERISTICS: They
work all day with trusses and
never have a bad back. (And
how about remembering about
ladies when you design the
plumbing on your next systems
project?)
WHERE FOUND: Crawling in
and around heating and vent
ilation ducts on a field trip.
Capitolize? Just yesterday I
bummed into a depressed stu
dent who was down due to low
grades on a calc exam. He had
no appetite. He skipped dinner.
This simply must stop. Do we
want people from University
Park to think of us as skinny,
depressed people? We need
comedians for the sake of our
reputation.
So where are the drunks?
The emotionally disturbed? The
prank phone callers? The silly
immature children? Surely a
great portion of C.C. students
fit into this classification. Thus,
there is great potential for a
comedy column writing team. It
could be varsity. The captain
could be retarded.
But seriously, I raise the
question again. Why does C.C.
not have a comedy column? Is
everyone at Capitol so deep
into their routine of beer and
study that no one can imagine?
Ask yourself "When was the last
time I was singing? When was
the last time I went for a walk
through the forest? When was
the last time I went singing in a
high pitch through a forest,
prancing naked all the way?"
It's fun. It really is. You could
get a bunch of friends to frollic
with you. Some might play
flutes or pick berries or noses
while others search for trees.
Later comes hide and seek in
the Fruehauf trailer lot. Every
thing would just be so tushie.
So wpat's it gonna be? Do
we add a touch of irrelevant
nonsence to this campus? Do
we bail out our precious dam
zel? Or does Bernadette cut off
something awful like her hair?
Give. Blood.
The XGl's are sponsoring
the blood mobile for the 10th
consecutive year on Tuesday,
November 14, from 9 am to 3:30
pm in front of the Main Build
ing.
Faculty, staff, and students
are urged to sign up at the
Grocery Grab
Dave Trego, winner of
Pantry Pride's grocery grab,
loaded his arms full of $143.12
worth of food in less than two
minutes on Wednesday.
The grab, sponsored by the
Meade Heights Board of Gov
enors, was covered by T.V. 21
News on the 6 o'clock news
program.
Dave Trego was allowed to
take as much food as he could
nurse's office, WlO2, at their
earliest convenience, so as to be
eligible to participate in this
vital, life-giving service.
The XGl's provide an easy,
convenient way that blood can
be collected and then donated,
as needed, throughout the area.
MHBOG
carry in one trip within three
minutes. He visited the store in
the morning to plan his stra
tegy and take a dry-run. He
chose all meat and fish; he
finished with extra time be
cause he could not carry any
more.
Tickets for the grab were
sold to Capitol Campus stu
dents and the drawing for the
winner was held at Tuesday
night's keggar.
SC-02J3E1) AGA( to ?
November 9, 1978