EDITORIAL
Poodles . And .Worms
And then came the man who had known. Both
sets of eyes had insiduous. Intent and malcontent
were walking down the sky one day...and a merry,
merry, cherry day it was.
Most assuredly, one can, no doubt be absolute if
one has the mind to be. To be, to be, a bee.
And then the man jumped off the Delaware
Memorial Bridge.
A No. 29 off the Delaware Memore Real
Its tender green striped leaves enveloped the
waves as they languidly expressed, cream face, no
disgrace, you'all, yell
Both sets of eyes. One set from a yellow tomato.
The other set, a red tomato.
There was no mail today. The milkman ran away.
And he was scene running and running away. We
have seen. Have you scene. It was on all of the
funky...
In the end they will all no longer. Somewhere
toward the middle. Put your poodle on the track. Let
the train take him back.
A Duel!
Smiling tomatoe faces, with glittering eyes have
no mind. They've no occasion two, do.
The price is right. Reach for your revolver. If your
revolver is not there reach for the sky. It's free. da-Da,
the time has no longer, began, continued, faster,
faster, faster, cold, frozen, fused.
Eyes! The l's have it, but they are not sure whether
to pick up the spotted black and white stones from
the wave-without ocean. The eyes do.
The field of green, gets thicker. It becomes dense.
To create. You've no need to relate, consumate, the
day is ending and the two tomatoes have stopped
smiling. Green, green, green, running away, running
to, green, change the station.
There's only one. So be it?
To compromise is to lose. A fool, one who is
foolish, one, two, who are fooling. Who?
Are you? No can't you believe, down on your
knees. You knave.
The windows will shake, the pipes will crack, the
sky will turn red, the moon will split in two. Where are
you? On which side of the moon do you reside? Come
on down to this side. Relentless bride.
The cycle is in gear. You've no need to fear. Turn
your ears red, he said.
The two tomatoes are still there. They are waiting
for you. Two tomatoes are waiting for you.
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ciltives Page
LoNers To The Editor, Some Real
The C.C. Reader indeed has
been showing signs of increas
ing sexism. But your comment
"It's only natural" reveals a
lack of maturity as well as
professionalism.
As of late, you have been
expounding on the reasons for
publishing this paper. Your
final conclusion stated a
somewhat selfish but realistic
indicator that at least you
would have "real-world" exper
ience.
What explanation are you
going to offer your prospective
employer when she asks you
what's so natural about sexism?
Ann W. Rudegeair
Grad. Reg. Planning
Dear Editor,
I am glad to see that the
C.C. Reader has not sunk to the
level of poor taste that such
pulp rags as the National
Lampoon has. I am of course
referring to their disgusting
habit of writing letter in the
By Crabby Crabapple
Dear Crabby,
I am a healthy, 57-year-old
male; I don't drink or smoke,
and I have never had acne; I eat
three, well-balanced meals a
day and keep my toenails
trimmed. But I have a problem.
I'm still a virgin.
I can't help it. Everytime I
get to bed with a woman, I
suddenly lose interest. In fact,
the whole act becomes repul
sive in my mind. I need your
help. What can I do?
I Try Harder.
Dear Harder,
Stick to masturbation - if
you can do that.
Dear Crabby,
This letter is
name of important people and
calling them assholes. Just
because a few people in this
administration are assholes
does not mean that there are a
lot of assholes. Take me for
example I am an asshole but I
am in the minority. There are
many people outside of myself
who are not assholes,...Hey!
wait a minute. Oh no, not me, I
won't let you get away with
this. I'll padlock your goddam
office that will fix your little
ass.
Dear Editor,
I You know the line to that
Simon & Garfunkel song
"Where have you gone Joe
Dimaggio"? Well I know the
answer, he's selling coffee pots
on T.V. Just thought you would
like to know.
Dear Editor,
Ann Landers Started This Watt
commend the 17-year-old girl
who wrote in about her friends
trying to talk her into smoking
marijuana. I am proud that she
did not give into their peer
pressure, even though she was
gang-raped by 14 of the boys in
her high-school class. Her
standing up for her rights in the
face of her peers gives me new
confidence in our young people.
Congratulations to her and all
like her.
Dear Peerless,
Stick it in your ear.
Dear Crabby,
My husband and I have been
married for 27 years, and we
have four beautiful children.
However, last week he came
ild he
St to
I am a new student on
campus and was wondering
about a group here called
"Returning Women." My ques
tion is where are they
returning from?
Suzy Claptrap
Engineering
Sir, I am the representing
attorney for the Poodle
Anti-Defamation League. Since
January 20th your disgusting
rag has made several unkind
and unwarranted references to
poodles. For the benefit of all I
shall now list your violations of
poodle etiquette; a highly
obscene classified ad of January
20th. An unkind reference to
poodles in a "Perspectives"
Article of the same issue. A
front page photograph of March
10th that was obviously a shot
of the shaved rear end of a
poodle. I also have sources who
inform me that this week's
edition will make yet another
unkind mention of these fine
Pierre Flea
Robt Frost
The Library
wanted to have a sex-change
operation! I don't know what to
do, Crabby. I love him, and
neither of us wants a divorce
(The children, you know). But
how can I remain married to a
woman? What can I do?
Not A Lesbian
Dear Not,
How the hell do I know what
you should do? Who do you
think I am - God or somebody?
Talk to the madman yourself.
Screw ya.
Peerlessly Proud
Crabby Crabapple reads all
letters sent to her. She regrets,
however, that due to the
volume of mail, she cannot send
personal replies. But, if you
have a problem, feel free to ask
Crabby. Send your letters to
Crabby Crabapple, c/o this
newspaper.