EDITORIAL
How Ya Doin'
Hey, How ya doin? Oh, uh, not bad, how ’bout
«ou? Uh, I’m doin’ pretty good, yeah pretty good,
/ell that’s good to hear. Yeah, that’s good to hear,
well, nice talkin to ya. I’ll uh, see ya later. OK, take
it easy.
This conversation, if you can call it that, must take
place so many times each day, in this campus, one
could not even begin to estimate its many
occurences.
Of course, though, there are variations such as:
How’s it goin? What’s cookin’, How ya been?, What
are you up to these days?; there are probably as many
variations as there are occurences of this whatever
you want to call it.
The next time someone asks you, How ya doin?,
consider if that person actually wants to know how
you’re doin. He or she (must give equal time here) has
probably just seen you the day before, and for that
reason must assume that yoirre well enough to be
here. What do or can you say to such a question?
Well, my dog died, my car blew up, there was a fire in
my house and I lost everything I owned, my wife left
me, I think I’m coming down with swine flu, I was
fired from my job, and I flunked the mid-term, but uh,
other than that, I’m doin just fine.
You wouldn’t want to get into such detail as this
so the stock answer then becomes, I’m fine, How are
you? From there if the other party so desires, the
conversation either continues, you stop, sit down, it
could go on and on, or you have another; A asks B, B
answers, asks A, A replies, says good-bye, it’s over.
You must consider this short dialogue better, as
far as conversations go, than you're saying, Hey, how
ya doin?, and the person to whom you directed the
Question doesn’t even acknowledge your existence,
ihat then, you wonder and think to yourself, that was
English I used there wasn’t it, I mean, my two years of
French didn’t suddenly come to the surface of my
consciousness so as to make the question
uncomprehensible. No it couldn’t have, well why
didn’t ne/she (equal time) say anything. Hmmm.
Must be deep in thought, or maybe I didn’t speak loud
enough, next time, HI yell HOW ARE YOU DOING?
By now you’re probably noticed I haven’t had a
whole hell of a lot to say in this editorial. And some
of you out there might not even deem this exercise
worthy of the title editorial, but since I happen to hold
this position and this is what I’m thinking on this
Wednesday mom, here’s this week’s editorial. That
about wraps it up I guess, I’ve got nothing else to say
except, well, uh, How ya doin’?
notable Quotes
“Why should man pretend to
an exemption from the lot of all
other animals? The whole earth,
believe me, is cursed and
polluted. A perpetual war is
kindled amongst all living
creatures. Necessity, hunger,
want stimulate the strong and
courageous; fear, anxiety,
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terror agitate the weak and
infirm. The first entrance into
life gives anguish to the
new-bom infant and to its
wretched parent; weakness,
impotence, distress attend each
stage of that life, and it is, at
last, finished in agony and
horror.”
Demea- Hume's Dialogues
.William M. Kane
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Carol Andress
Janlna M. Rannals
Beth Kopas
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cfives Page
End Of Farnsworth Part 111
This time I knew I had
something that would impress
the Inspector. For he had been
thinking all along that Farns
worth was the murderer.
"Well inspector,” I gloated,
“what does this do to your
theory.”
“listen,” he replied, “don’t
go gettin’ cute, you haven’t
been ruled out as a suspect
yet”
“Now Flanahan,” I said,
“don’t let that police imagina
tion take you on another flight
from reality. “Besides I
continued, “You weren’t alto
gether wrong, Farnsworth had
something to do with all of this
otherwise he wouldn’t be dead.”
When the police left I went
to my study. I still had lots of
questions. Hie main one being,
why?
I was missing something.
There was a clue, but what was
it
Things looked like this;
Maria was murdered, Matilda
was frightened by someone,
Farnsworth was murdered 2
days later. Farnsworth and
Maria fit together but why had
they been Wiled?
I decided to go with the
theory that they had been killed
for the same reason. I studied
the other incident the man
Matilda had seen.
The house had not been
broken into. That left only two
conclusions, either it had been
someone in the household or
someone who had gotten
access to a key, a past
employee perhaps.
It had to be someone who
was known because no one had
been alarmed by a scream and
even Chaucer had not been
aroused by any strange noises.
What was it the man was
searching for in the attic?
I figured Td get a good
nights sleep and then search
the attic the next day.
The chest wa still open. The
attic had not been tampered
with since the other evening.
Had the intruder found what he
was looking for or had his
search been aborted by
Matilda’s screaming.
I rummaged through the
chest I could find nothing of
significance. I went through
some other trunks. It was the
same, nothing.
I crossed the floor. One of
the boards creaked loudly. I
continued my hunt I still could
notfind a clue. I crossed to the
chest again- this time the board
You Get
.Tim Adams
Now that the election is
over, I wonder how much money
exchanged hands on election
eve.
1 knew my bookie, Sammy
Undertable, would have all the
figures on the situation.
“Well Sam,” I said, “how’d
you make out this year.”
“Tim,” he answered, “these
were the best two candidates
we’ve had in a long time.”
By Tim Adams
moved. Igotdownonmyknees
and pried the board loose.
There was a dusty book of
some sort wedged between the
floor.
I pulled the book out and
blew the dust off of it It was a
ledger.
This is what I was searching
for. I was reading every page,
fascinated at the detail. I now
knew who the murderer was.
I replaced the board and put
the ledgerin the roll top desk. I
went downstairs and called the
inspector. “We hare our man
Flanahan. Get over here right
away,” I said quietly.
When the inspector arrived I
told him we should wait until he
caught him looking for the
ledger.
“He may never go back up
there again,” the inspector said.
“Sure he will,” I answered.
“Look he has gotten rid of
everyone that knows about
him-all he has to do is find that
damn ledger, destroy it apd,
he’s sitting pretty.”
“Well, who is it,” he said.
“I want to be sure before I
say,” I replied.
That evening we were set I
told all the employees I was
going out
I met Flanahan at the end of
the driveway. The inspector,
two of his men and myself
returned to the back of the
house. We climbed the bach
staircase on to the third floor.
The inspector's two men
situated themselves in the attic
and the inspector and I waited
downstairs until we heard
someone go up the stairs.
It was 10 p.m. when we
heard the attic door being
opened. We waited several long
seconds before we followed.
It didn’t take much time for
our suspect to get to the desk
and find his booty. The light
went on, the man went for his
gun, the two officers shot first
On the floor ihfront of me lay
my most trusted employee,
Cedric Tompkins, my valet
I didn’t want to believe that
this man, who had been so
diplomatic in many awkward
situations, a man who had
saved old man Wainwright and
me embarassment during our
drunken revelries, was a
murderer.
I took Flanahan to my study.
The inspector wanted to read
What You
“Are you kidding,” I replied,
“the news media and the people
I talked to couldn’t make up
their minds between the lesser
of two evils.”
“That’s what made it so
good,” Sammy said, “nobody
knew what the hell was going
on. They threw their money at
“Well,” I said, “you guys
weren’t very good prognostica
tors this time. When I laid my
bet, 3 months ago. Carter was a
the ledger.
“Well,” I said, “it comes
down to this, before Tomkins
came here he was a gambler,
~ forger involved with organized
crime and unsavory characters
of all descriptions.
It seems thatone day he had
been indicted for a number of
crimes not the least of which
was embezzlement of 3 million
dollars from a now defunct
corporation.
Rather than go to jail he left
town and came here, he
changed his name and took care
of old man Wainwright
He had his salary, but more
importantly he had the 3 million
dollars.
Farnsworth became privy to
this information and decided to
do a little blackmailing-it
wasn’t much, just enough to
supplement his income.
When Farnsworth left he
took up residence with a
wealthy old matron so he no
longer needed the measly
stipend he got from Tompkins.
However his family did.
Farnsworth told Maria about
Tompkins and she decided to
blackmail him too.
Meantime, Farnsworth lost
his meal ticket when the old
lady died and left her estate to
her cat
Farnsworth returned and
decided to use Tompkins again.
Well, Tompkins was much
older now and the 3 million
dollars had dwindled. S he
killed both of them and found
the ledger, he was safe. He did
just that
“Phew,” the inspector
sighed, “But how did you find
the ledger.”
“By mistake actually,” I
answered. “You see Tompkins
had moved the chest which had
been sitting right on top of that
loose board.”
“Well,” the inspector said,
“it was certainly a strange one.
I thought for sure it was old
Farnsworth.”
“Perhaps I should tell the
papers that I cracked this one,
Flanahan,” I said.
“They’d never believe you,”
he answered.
“Yes, but you haven’t even
found out who stole the mayor's
car yet” I said, “do you think
that gives you anymore
credibility?”
I showed the inspector out
It had been a very remarkable
day. This place was too dreary.
I decided to sell it and more in
town to get away from it all.
lit* and
Pay For
shoo-in. Then the odds
dropped like the ’29 stock
prices, until last monday night
when some of your cronies
made Ford the 6-5 favorite."
“Tim,” Sam interrupted, “the
trouble with you is you don’t
know how these things work.
First of all the oddsmakers gave
Carter his early lead. They
didn’t think he’d win by 33%,
that was just to drum up
interest Even Carter people