PAGE 6
Jimmy
gets an aborti
Hello friends, Jimmy here
Your All American world
combater of mediocrity and
distainer of public taste has
a very important announce
ment to make. I could hold a
nationally televised press
conference, but there’s no
need to, for the C.C. Reader
is an international publi
cation. Therefore, all the
important heads of states
(and the pope) will know
immediately.
In the previous issue of
the C.C. Reader, you were all
informed about my preg
nancy. A lavish woman
named Sweet Potato was the
responsible party. After
considering all possibilities,
I have decided to cut short
the nine month escapade
and have an abortion. I
guess that’s not so funny.
How can the issue of
abortion be anything but
complicated and serious.
World crime fighters are
only human beings. Even
though we perform aston
ishing feats to save the
world, we’re no different
from you. Maybe a little
crazier, but basically the
same. Anyway, Sweet
Potato doesn’t mind. If
someone really cares about
you, they’ll be concerned
about your personal welfare,
and not about fulfilling
social obligations. Take me
as I am, or not at all.
Dirtie Gertie, an old
sentimental abortionist, of
fered to perform a first-rate
job on me "without anes
thesia”. Since she was
known to give people the ole’
camshaft treatment, I de
cided against her. So
instead of trying to use folk
medicines and home reme
dies, I went to an area
abortion clinic for help. (I
went incognito. I left my hat
at home).
What I learned was quite
interesting. Since I am
terminating my pregnancy
early, I am avoiding many
complications. In the first
tri-mester of pregnancy, the
vacuum (espirator) method
will be used. It’s an
out-patient procedure that
takes place in the doctor’s
office. Local anesthesia is
used for this type of AB.
Only minor cramping and
discomfort will follow.
That’s less than a state
department hangover. For
tunately, the cost is only
about $l5O. The 14 to 2C
week abortion is the saline
method. That seconc
tri-mester abortion involve;
hospital stay, 12 to 24 hour;
of labor pains, and ejectior
of the fetus. That’s not fo
me.
From 21 to 24 weeks, i
hysterotomy is performed.
Although very seldom done
this type of AB is necessary
for medical reasons.
Abdominal surgery, possible
sterilization, and a caeseriar
section is involved in the
procedure. One week in the
hospital offers me no future.
So, by catching it early, I
have gotten away from much
pain and discomfort. Since I
am getting this abortion
right away, its medically
safer, and psychologically
better.
on!
I know that other people
who are considering abor
tions have many second
thoughts. They wonder
about the question of killing
the fetus. Be realistic. An
abortion does not affect
future pregnancies.
Because I am an inter
national figure, many people
know about my pregnancy
and abortion. But, yours can
be very confidential. If you
are 18 or older, you can sign
for yourself, with no one
else’s consent. Shop
around! Some doctors are
more capable than others.
Don’t go to the clergy or
priests for advice. They can
only quote you the bible. A
prayer won’t chase that
unwanted pregnancy away,
only an abortion by a
qualified doctor can.
Last issue, several photos
of the happy couple were
shown. We still care for
each other. This time, I’m
smarter. I use birth control.
We do not need a child to
establish a relationship. We
need each other. In fact, by
my getting this abortion, I
am continuing my career of
uninterupted mukraking
across this great land. Just
think about how many
thousands of people would
suffer if an unplanned child
aborted my career. There
fore, I’ll abort the fetus
before it becomes a child.
To me, a fetus becomes a
child when it leaves the
mother’s body. In my case,
the father’s body. Anyway,
don’t take the old social
stigmas and religious hocus
pocus seriously. They can’t
and don’t have the right to
determine what happens to
your body. Only you do.
Well folks, I’m still young
and able to internationally
mukrake. I love children.
But an unplanned child
would diminish my life
somewhat - therefore,
shrinking my offspring’s
opportunity to receive all the
love and attention it de
serves. The decision was
between Sweet Potato and
myself, and not any damn
pious holy man who is trying
to save my soul. That
includes all the rest of you
turkeys who demand that I
not be given a free choice.
Sweet Potato, I still love
you. Friends and neighbors,
have a nice day. But, please
don’t step on my blue suede
shoes.
Another illusion destroyed!
Jimmy Olson refuses to
miss a trick. (and he’s
watching for your’s) you
puritans out there in
newspaperland.
NEXT
l/l/EEK *
letter
from
god?
C.C. READER
ART
EXHIBIT
WHO may exhibit - Stu
dents, Faculty and Staff.
WHAT may be exhibited -
paintings, drawings, graph
ics, Sculpture, crafts.
WHEN work is to be
submitted - all entry forms
must be received by May 7th
to be included in program.
Works of art are to be
brought in May 15th or May
16th.
WHERE - Student Activities
Office between 9:30 A.M.
and 1:30 P.M. [lf this time is
inconvenient, call the Stu
dent Activities Office to
arrange another time during
that week.]
IMPORTANT
1. All exhibitors are asked to
complete an entry form and
biographical information
form to aid in the
compilation of a program
and in the release of
publicity. These forms may
be obtained in the Student
Affairs Office.
2. Works of art must have a
finished quality [i.e. all
p aintings, drawings must be
f ramed ready for hanging.]
3. All entrants will receive a
number when submitting
works. Do not leave
paintings, etc. in the
Student Activities Office
unless someone connected
with the Gallery “tags” it.
4. A separate entry form and
biographical form is to be
submitted for each work.
There is no limit to the
amount of entries by each
artist.
5. All works will be insured
by The Pennsylvania State
University. However, there
is a $lOO.OO deductible
clause.
We welcome all students,
faculty and staff to share
their talents for this show. It
is not necessary that
entrants be professional
artists. However, the Art
Committee reserves the rignt
Committee reserves the right
to select what may be shown
in the Student-Faculty-Staff
Owners Exhibit.
This is a no jury - no prizes
exhibition. The purpose of
this event is to bring
together the creative talent
at Capitol Campus and to
have an interaction between
the artists and invited
professions, who will if
asked, give advice and
criticism of the works
submitted.
Breast Cancer
by Phyllis Schaeffer
Breast cancer-now the
most comon cancer among
women-was the topic of the
latest health series program
held in the auditorium on
Thursday, April 24th.
The program, jointly spon
sered by the Nurses Office
and Student Activities, in
cluded a presentation by
Elliot M. Badder M.D.
assistant professor of sur
gery at Hershey Medical
Center with a question and
answer session as well as a
film on breast self-exam
ination from the American
Cancer Society.
The main thrust of the
program was that women
can help to save their own
lives by performing monthly
breast self-examinations
three to four days after their
menstrual period. The film
showed the systematic
procedure to follow in this
regard.
Dr. Badder pointed out, “A
lot of confusion has been
created by magazine articles
about breast cancer.”
He said that both mam
mograms (x-ray of the
breast) and thermograms (a
type of x-ray that measures
breast temperature) are not
routinely necessary and
should only be used in
specific cases such as those
women with a family history
of breast cancer, women
who have had prior breast
cancer, women with large
breasts and those women
who have a history of
multiple breast cysts.
Program
He also said there is a
debate among physicians
today on the best type of
surgery for breast cancer
simple removal of the breast
versus the more radical
surgery which includes the
underlying muscles and
lymph nodes.
In response to a question,
Dr. Badder denied the notion
that a bruise or bump to the
breast will cause cancer.
“Diagnosis of breast can
cer can only be made when a
biopsy of the breast is
examined under a micro
scope,” Dr. Badder said. He
added, “This biopsy can
frequently be done under
local anesthesia with the
woman going home the
same day.”
According to Roberta
McLeod, student activities
coordinator, local commu
nity response to this health
program surpassed the
response from Capitol stu
dents. The 139 member
audience included 100 sen
iors from Middletown High
School and eight local
community residents. The
remaining were Capitol
students, faculty and staff.
McLeod said future health
series topics scheduled for
the fall include alcoholism,
drug abuse and addiction,
contraception and veneral
disease.
The pamphlets distributed
during the program, Cancer
Facts for Women and a
guide on breast self-exam
ination, are available in the
Nurses Office, room W-102.
MAY 1, 1975
Held
photo by prouser