PAGE 2
at's
Adventures Of Harry The Sperm
Wh
All It
About?
(dedicated to Capitol Campus residents)
"A WOMAN'S PLACE
IS IN THE HOME
Once upon a time there was a young sperm named Harold
Spermaceti, (Harry to his playmates). His childhood was
quite normal, except for one thing. The little sqt ;r)gle kept
thinking that there was always something better.
(something like the ultimate conception) Harry's parents
continually accused him of being spoiled and unap
preciative of everything they gave him. It wasn't an easy
early life for Harry, but he kept on searching. One day,
Harry was ready for college. On that special day of
departure, his parents told him to study hard and exercise,
thus some day he'll be able to fertilize some young egg.
Harry followed his parents advice, and soon he was an
honor student at Penn State, Capitol Campus.
All would seem to be going well. But not so for Harry.
Something was missing. Did the 5 to 1 ratio of males to
females living on campus have something to do with it?
Apparentally Harry thought so. Because his basic function
was to fertilize young eggs, all this external academic
success didn't seem to matter that much anymore. Harry
needed some companionship. Just how long can anyone
worship a sterile calculator without going batty? Even the
thought of the word sterile frightened him. The original
purpose for little squiggles and ovary eggs was to come
together in ecstacy. The purpose here was being defeated,
so Harry had to find something better. He then started out
on his search. After a tour of the local degenerate bar
rooms, he became despondent. Those bar games were too
much for him to handle. How about some of those spicy
social affairs? Harry wasn't too keen on the roaring crowds
of swarming squiggles trying to capture the few present
eggs walking around in those carriers. If those carriers
(producers of eggs) would only keep still, Harry could move
in. But the close proximity seemed to be impossible.
Perhaps he could wait for the big weekends. Shockingly
enough, the place was deserted. Seems like there was a
mass exodus of eggs every weekend. Maybe those creatures
went home to be fertilized? Maybe some are reluctent to get
fertilized at all? Now that's no future for Harry. So what's a
young sperm to do? Who knows, Harry, who knows?
Jimmy can empathize with Harry's problem. But, as I
always say, there's just no excuse for someone to be lonely.
Though the ratio of men to women is grotesquely outlan
dish, Jimmy still beleives that there is always somebody, no
matter who or where you are. People are meant to be
together, whether that be emotionally, sexually, or both.
Everybody must have someone close, and that's no lie. To
me, that's the most basic of human needs. Closeness makes
for happiness. But, the 5 to 1 ratio does exist. What can be
done? Per se, there is no cure for the over abundance of
males at Capitol Campus. All that I can say is, that if a man
or woman has their heads together, and they are truly and
sincerely a loving person, then there will always be
comeone for them to share themselves with.
Surrounding Capitol Campus are multitudes of men and
women also looking for companionship. You all would be
surprized how many. As for me, I have found one of the
most beautiful creatures in the world, practically next door
to me. And, I didn't even have to look. It happened
naturally. So, that's what Jimmy suggests to you Capitol
men--get it together, and let it happen naturally. "Never a
drop of rain...makes an armadillo mightly god-damned
thirsty." gbm
Jimmy Olson knows what's happening.
•••••• 'NV
$ 7 4
6 1
1 1 1
tif r e " %l N - 4.
•
3 •
S
Th• Capitol Campus Reader
The C. C. Reader is published by the students of the
Pennsylvania State University at Capitol Campus,
Middletown, Pa., and is printed by the Middletown
Press & Journal during the Fall, Winter and Spring
Terms.
Opinions expressed by the editors and staff are not
necessarily those of the University Administration,
Faculty, or Students.
Editor-in-Chief .
Associate Editor
Associate & Photography Editor
Business Manager
Assistant Business Mgr
Business Dent
Photographer
Layout
SGA Correspondents
Hot Lion Coordinator
Graphics
AdVisor
Faculty Advisor ..
by Jimmy 4 Olson
Joe Minnici, Gene T. Eddy
Romeo Traianus, Ronnie Wer, Phyllis Schaeffer,
P.R.J. Smith,
Mark Feldman
Doug & Jim & Phyllis
Mike McAllister, Russ Hogg
Dave Nicholas
Diane Cressler
Jim Ferrier
Dr. Betty Thorne
We are the last to be hired,
first to be fired; last to be
promoted, first to be
demoted. If we apply for a
job it's for damn sure we're
not going to get it if a man
with equal on lesser
qualifications applys for
that same job. Is that fair?
Sure it is, we're always told
ourselves or we're always
been told. Somehow we're
always had the notion that
women are just not as
telligent, capable,
aggressive, ambitious. on
proficient as men. Men are
superior beings anct we, as
women, have accepted our
inferior role. Or have we?
Are we beginning to
change? Are' we beginning
to become aware that
maybe, rust maybe, women
are equal to men? Are we
beginning to believe that
maybe we should be given
equal status, equal pay,
equal opportunity; and
maybe we should be treated
as intelligent, proficient
human beings? What do you
think? Come to the N'.O.W. -
National Organization For
Women - meeting tomorrow,
Friday, Feb. 28, 1975 at 2:00
p.m. in room W 2 o 2
..Jim Bollinger
Doug Gibboney
..Fred grouser
.. Ken Hessian
....Steve Nonn
, Bob Pobiak
ATTENTION! Due to a plethora of problems beyond our control,
the C.C. Reader will not be published next week (March 7).
hope to resume publication the following week. If this proves
to not be possible, rest assured that the Reader will return with
the advent of the Spring term. If you have any contributions to
the Reader, don't hesitate to bring them in. We will publish them as soon as we continue
publication. Thank you for your patience and kind understanding. THE EDITORS
C.C. READER
Do you agree with that
pithy adage? I'm assuming
that you don't since you are
either a student or an em
ployer at Capitol Campus.
Yet if a woman wants to
expand her life to include
things other than
housekeeping and raising
children-a difficult enough
task in itself-she knows it
ain't gonna be easy.
More women are going to
college these days and are
expressing interests in
vocations or professions
independent of the domestic
role that has perviously
been assigned to us. But it's
going to be a hard struggle
to free ourselves from
previously held concepts:
our own self-concept and
society's concept of what a
woman's role in life should
be. Many of us have taken ,
for granted that our highest
aspiration should be to
marry, bear children, and
spend the rest of our lives
being the blissful geniuses of
our households. All well and
good, however housewives
as the most overworked,
under-paid, and unac
claimed members of our
society are beginning to
seek their fullfillment in
other ways. Women have
been entering the labor
market either because of
economic necessity or to
escape boredom and we are
still overworked, under-paid
and unacclaimed.
. Submitted by
Susan Woh I bruck
Reader Shuts
eiVote "Amy?, 5i
This is for all the nameless people: those of you out there
who've written-in telling us how much you like or hate so
many of the things that go on around here on campus and in
this newspaper. We (the conglomerate group, the Reader)
would like to thank you deeply for your letters and articles.
However, I, the Editor, would like to take a little of your
time to discuss (in an admittedly one-sided fashion) your
anonymity and one possible reason for it.
Let me begin by reassuring you that I don't want to know
who you are, and I really couldn't care less. Now let me
relax (as Dr. Spall would say) this assumption and bona
fide fact, and allow myself to get curious in a non-inquisitive
manner.
Recently, the Reader has been literally deluged with
many pieces of pseudonymed salutations. They come in
approximately equal amounts as articles and irate Letters
to Yours Truly. They, in many people's opinions have been
the spice of this publication and I myself have thoroughly
enjoyed reading these oft-times enlightening items.
However, I can't help but wonder to myself why these
things are always signed in pen-names. And, more im
portantly, where do they get those pen-names? Some, like
Chingis Khan, have historic significance, and give a pretty
symbolic clue as towhat the author is like. I mean, why else
would someone who is so worried about "decent Chicks"
(emphasis on the "chicks") pick one of the world's greatest
barbarians and chauvinists as his literary label?
As we move on to some of the other contributors to this
publication, I think I perceive a definite correlation bet
ween the chosen pen name and at least the content of the
article, if not the character of the author. Take Jimmy
Olson as a prime example. Here is someone who has chosen
as his pennant, one of the most downtrodden characters In
all of the fantasy- magic world of Comicbookdom. And his
material betrays the reason for this: he's always trying to
make a point by delving into fantasy to get the reader in
terested and laughing. Then, like conlic's Jimmy signalling
Superman to come to the rescue with his signal-watch,
Capitol's Olson springs the real reason of his jesting on you -
that he just wants to be heard. A point well-taken. Well, I
could go on and on like this, but if I did, I might find my
theory shotto hell, and that would defeat the purpose of this
article.
Anyway, the other point I wanted to make while I'm on
this vein is that things are getting so bad with these coun
terfeit names that it's getting hard to tell which ones are
real and which ones ain't. Like Mona Praxiteles and
Lawrence McFurd and Doug Gibboney. I admit that these
names all sound a little far-out to be real, but you never can
tell.
Please allow me a moment to be completely serious. This
wide-spread use of pseudonyms has given rise to a few
serious situations for both the author and the paper. These
situations are becoming more frequent and more serious.
As a result, we are instituting a policy that is common in
most newspapers. In order for us to live up to the precept of
responsible journalism, we ask that any articles submitted
to the Reader in a penname also include the author's real
name. We will honor the author's wishes in publishing only
his penname, however, we would like to have his-her real
name on file -- just in case.
Please don't misunderstand, we regret this move as much
as anyone, but for the good of everyone involved, we must
institute this policy. Should we continue to get article signed
in pseudonyms, without the author's proper name (to be
kept in strictest confidence), we may be forced to discon
tinue publication of such articles and letters.
So, again, I wantto thank all you Namless People for your
invaluable contributions. And that includes those country
clubs in the dorms. Keep those cards and letters com in' in,
folks. (OK, I.M. Proxy).
FEBRUARY 28, 1975
The
Anonymous
Names
own