PAGE FIVE
.:°:)tatking
115bt falitn 26--)taff
Or, In Favor Of
The After-Dinner Drink
by P.R.J. Smith & Friends
Dordo dat with his head between his legs trying to remember
what foolish flight of fancy had spirited him toward his present
situation.
Some men find themselves a prisoner of time, shackled by
minutes and hours, other men are prisoners of their heritage,
owing their future to the ideas that formed their past, and others
are prisoners of lust, greed, patriotism, love, their mother's
cooking, their father's money, language, the arts, form, content,
mounting insanity, drugs, the golden past, economics, old slow
men, young fast women, cages, prisons, or locked doors.
Dordo was one of the last; he being in the basement of a Men
nonite church in Fervo New Hampshire without a key.
Outside, he could hear the clamor of the legions of the Methodist
revolt as they threw stones and old beer cans at the empty church
which held him prisoner. They were upset about the recent law
passed that prohibited urinating in the wee hours.
"What are the wee hours for?" they cried.
"I don't know. I don't speak French," said the Chinese dwarf.
"Vote for me and I will solve your solutions and problemate your
problems," yelled the balding auctioneer who had never run for an
office before in his life. "I don't know how long we can be op
pressed by the oppressions of these oppressors!"
Inside the church they hung their heads in shame, fearing for the
future and knowing nothing of the past.
"What can we do?"
"I don't know. What can we do?"
Dordo, trapped in the basement could do naught but heave a
gently sobbing sigh in recalling all that had transpired since that
dark afternoon when Lassie was elected Pope. In little more than a
month, all the Jesus freaks in New England had become stark
raving Charmin squeezers. When the toilet-paper shortage left the
White House brown with crisis, the leftist Mormons slapped an
arbitrary ban on the import of mustard seeds.
Shattering glass frightened Dordo out of his reverie. To protect
himself from anymore such dangerous interruptions, he fled into
the men's room and hid under the tank of the john, covering
himself with used feminine napkins (for added protection). He
soon sank back into his flashback.
The Mustard Shortage cause pretzel-and-beer -eaters to turn
more and more to drink. When FDR's oldest living illegitimate
daughter was found dead from an overdose of an after-dinner
Bloody Mary, President Rin Tin Tin decided to clamp on Phase
MCMLXXVIII, concentrating on the sanctioned control of anything
consumed after dinner. The rebel Methodist and Iranian Orthodox
factions damanded that this step was unnecessary, but they were
overruled by the renegades. The situation remained out of hand
until Doctor Hunter S. Thompson arrived one snowy Christmas
Eve with a bottle of booze.
"Hey," asked President Rin-Tin-Tin, "How many drinks can I
have for a dollar?"
"As many as you want," lie replied
"I'll take, two dollars worth," said the President.
"You know, I always wondei•ed how they make Sherry wine."
"I know. 7
"How?" asked the President.
"Kick her in the throat".
Dordo - arouse from his delerium. Things were not going well.
The future was looking black when an Army recruiter tapped him
on the back. He said, "Hey, hey! Have I got a deal for you. A life
time of adventure and lotsa money too!"
"There must be some way outta here," said Dordo to the thief.
"What?!" said the thief.
Dordo ducked down the alleyway, looking for adventure. He
found Meade Heights. A police car flashed by. Dordo hid in the
bushes. "What kind of place is this?" He tumbled to the ground
with a moan.
The Era of Good Feeling ended with the Age of Bad
Taste... Taste. Women, children ran amuck in the streets,
screaming, moaning, demanding an answer. Peas were dispensed
with the utmost care and nobody knew nothing about nothing for
no one really cared. Deep in the dungeon it was dark as a mine and
the danger was double but the pleasures were few. It was not a
good time for used car salesmen.
There was a party in the Heights. Pipes were passed, toilets
were flushed, strange sounds bumped in the night. At first when he
awoke, Dordo thought he was back in Fervo, New Hampshire.
Brown rice. Brown rice. Nothing's as nice as burnt brown rice.
Dordo wanted brown rice. He also wanted to change his name ...
maybe to Uncle Ben.
First things first. Where could he get brown rice in the Heights?
HMMMMMMMMMMM... most of the students had food stamps.
Maybe they would have brown rice.
He approached one of the Early Air Force houses and looked in
the window. Good God! What was this? !!? He inadvertently
happened on a married student's house. Through the window he
spied the student couple engaged in some wraparound joy. He was
not the first person to see such a sight in the heights. Mainznance.
Yes dear old maintenance men are always up to these voyeuristic
interludes while on the job.
Dordo did not understand. What were these people up to?
Find out next time when
Dordo Spits Up
or
Life is A Bottle Of Warmed-Over Sodomy.
C. C. READER
Wk ei 4 Tea ' Xemi
Did you know? Chess is'the
only game which may legally
be played on the premises of
the House of Parliament in
Great Britain.
The Capitol Campus Chess
Club held its second and third
meetings on Tuesday, 4th
period, and Wednesday, 4th
period in the Gallery Lounge.
Ballotting took place for new
officers for the '74-'75 school
year. The new office-holders
are: President- Rod Minaya;
Vice-president- Jim Kicinski;
Treasurer- Mike McMaster,
and Secretary- Greg Meily.
On Wednesday (still the
prime meeting time) Dr. Jack
Susskind, the club's faculty
advisor, presented a mini
lesson on chess notation.
send
UNICEF
cards
Malnutrition is the biggest
single contributor to infant and
child mortality in the low in
come regions of the world,
where 25 to 30 percent of all
children die before their fourth
birthday. In 1973 alone,
UNICEF helped train ap
proximately 90,000 nutrition
workers in needy areas. These
workers in turn teach
thousands to grow and prepare
nutritious foods, multiplying
many times the initial effect of
UNICEF's aid.
The United Nations
Children's Fund provides
necessary equipment and
training to help children in 115
developing countries. Buy
UNICEF Greeting Cards and
help spread your good will to
children all over the world.
CARDS WILL BE ON SALE
AT CAPITOL CAMPUS
BEGINNING NOV. 13th 9 AM
-5 PM, just outside Vendorville.
If you have any specific
requests or would like to help
out, please contact Eileen
Hogg - WlO3.
We would like to make the
student body aware of
exactly how this institution
operates. In order for this to
happen we need an active
student body. We are not
into representing ourselves
nor are we about to dictate
to you what things need to be
done. We are all here
together, let's do something
fec each other and have
some fun while doing it.
VOTE in the student
government election Oc
tober 31.
It's getting harder
to put on Don Quixote's
armour
Rusted sword and shield
Caked with sweat
, and human grease
My horse winded
(from chasing dreams)
Spanish sun
beating a steaming
tatoo on my forehead
Tomorrow I'll rise early
(with the sun)
Saddle my horse
And set out on
foot
-- J. W. Steinfurth
';' ercp ereOt
The autumn is exacting with farewells
Trees forsaking leaves like
A snake wriggling from its skin
Cleansing
Leaving the old, the used
Behind
It was good: we loved it well
Now brown and dry
Crumbling leaves to throw away
goodbye
goodbye
The trees grow dark and sensuous
As they slip off their clothes
To embrace the cold
To be entered by squirrels
They groan in the wind
They are stiff and hard
Their leaves are death
I cover my face with them
I darken my flesh
With their crumbled fragments
I take in their scent
I seek them with my tongue
Let me be covered by their bodies
Let me crush them in my hand
Clean with death
Cool in death
Let me groan with the wind
Mr. Philip Taylor (r) discussed the sub
ject of Daydreaming at recent DTK lun
cheon-discussion held Monday, Oct. 21.
"PATTERNS Capitol Campus"
NOVEMBER 1, 1974
lILE=E
Prod Prettier