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Among The Dogs
The last episode, if you want to remember, found Lars
Jankowski, thirteen-year old soft-core porno film star, pondering the
new Supreme Court ruling on obscenity. He was interrupted by
Phoenecia Tenderloin, his two-year old Irish Setter co-star, in the
midst of troubled thoughts. As she sat on the floor of Lars’ dressing
room, Phoenecia sensed that all was not well with the young boy.
“Lars, is something wrong?”
“Is something wrong?”
“Yes. Did you read about the new ruling on obscenity?”
“I did. It’s terrible. We might be out of a job.”
“Right. When we are almost at the top of our careers.”
“What can we do, Lars?”
“I’m thinking, Phoenecia.”
The young boy placed his hands in his face and sighed. Had he
come this far to be shot down by a handful of narrow-mindediold
men in black robes? And Phoenecia, what of her? Would she be
thrown back into the alley? No! He must think of something.
“I’ve got it, Phoenecia,” Lars exclaimed.
“Wonderful. What is it?”
“Redeeming Social Value.”
“What?” Phoenecia asked excitedly.
“Redeeming Social Value. What’s our next picture?”
“A Hound in Heat,” Phoenecia replied. “It’s about a boy who
finds that his dog wants to do more than just fetch sticks and walk
faithfully by his side. Of course, I play the dog.”
“Of course,” Lars replied. “What’s the plot?”
“Well,” Phoenecia paused, “we just get it on same as always--one
hundred and thirty five minutes.”
“Why don’t we do something different?”
“You mean like you undernea-”
“No,” Lars interupted, “I mean the redeeming social value. I’ll
talk to Mr. Vesicle. I’ll tell him that this picture has depth. We”ll
show the breakdown of the traditional boy-dog relationship. You’ll
show that you are intense. That you have an identity--a need to be
seen and understood as a being. Oh, Phoenecia, it’s beautiful.”
“What about our intimate scenes, Lars.” Phoenecia got up from
the floor, walked gingerly over to him, and licked his hand. “You
know how I feel about you.”
“Sure I do. We can shoot the skin scenes against the background
of our new-found relationship.
“I don’t know, Lars. I don’t know if I can handle it.”
Phoenecia gigled. “Pardon the pun.”
“I know you can.” Lars knelt down and took her head in his
hands. He looked into her soft, brown eyes. His heart began to fill
with desire as he rubbed her silky ears. “Sweetheart, this picture will
be beau-” Lars suddenly dropped the dog’s head and began clawing
at his stomach and groin. “This damn itching.”
“What itching, Lars.”
“I can’t understand it. I’ve been scratching for three days and it
won’t go--wait a minute!”
Lars looked at Phoenecia angrily. He bent over her and grabbed
“You dumb slob.” Lars screamed.
“What’s wrong?” Phoenecia cried as he lifted her from the
“You bitch,” Lars continued, “you don’t have any brains.”
“Please Lars, you’re hurting me,” Phoenecia cried as she clawed
“You idiot,” Lars screamed, “where’s the collar I bought you?”
“Oh Lars, it hurt me, I couldn’t stand it. I had to take it off. Why
are you so angry?”
“You dumb animal--you knew you were supposed to wear it.”
Suddenly Phoenecia knew the reason for Lars’ anger. Her body
went limp and she looked at him and began to sob loudly.
“Oh Lars,” she cried, “I didn’t realize--I just wasn’t thinking. I
didn’t give you-”
“Yes, Phoenecia,” Lars said bitterly, hatefully, “you gave me the
“OH LARS, NO.” Phoenecia cried. “I didn’t mean it.”
“You’ll pay for this,” Lars said menacingly, “you’ll not ruin my
stomach with scratch marks again.”
“No Lars, wait.”
But is was too late. The love and tenderness that had swelled in
Lars’ heart just a few short moments before was replaced with hate.
He turned and walked to his dressing table. Flinging open the center
drawer, his eyes stole to the pearl handled .38 special and his fingers
closed about it. . . .
About the Author
The response to Agamemnon O’Briens latest installment of
‘Among the Dogs” has been overwhelming. Below are just a few
reactions to “Among the Dogs” as gathered by the editors of the
“• ■ • beneath the satiric social comments lies a man to whom
words have no value . . .” William F. Buckley.
“Phoenecia Tenderloin will be immortalized as the new
champion of women’s liberation . . .” Germaine Greer & Helen
“. . . a refreshing change from the doldrums of mediocre writing -
O’Brien’s writing is garbage . . .” Kurt Vonnegut.
the people are speaking
“. . . will Lars Jankowski become the new Yakov Bok???”
the guy’s a smack
. . . Mr. O Brien’s writing will touch animals the world over we
may yet be able to save the rare Hummelstown aardvark . . .” Marlin
“. . .a gut reaction to the problem of moral decline in America
U.S.A. ” Burt Reynolds.
“. . . new truth for all Americans
“. . . dynamite ... a champion who throws away the rule book . .
. the man who looks the opposition in the face and says, “I feel with
my heart and think with my hands - my brains are bitter” . . .”
To be continued.
** * *
- all power to the people
” Lou Gordon,
- new hope for American literature
” Spiro T. Agnew
The Students' Voice
Paul F. Shoenfelt
I thought I knew a wise man,
but it was only Dylan.
I thought I saw the way.
But it was only Jesus.
I thought I heard an Angel,
But it was only Joan.
I thought I tasted freedom,
but it was only knowledge,
I thought I felt peace,
but it was only in my mind.
I thought I smelled a flower,
but it was only death.
** * *
Would you like to tell us
what we are doing wrong? We
would appreciate your criticisms
or complaints in the form of
Letters to the Editors. Just drop
them off in the Reader Office in
Last Game Of The Season
Soccer at 2 P.M.
Harrisburg Soccer Club
Capitol’s Field Behind
The Rec/Athletic Building
There will be a hayride at
Grass-Mere Farms sponsored by
the Social Committee on
Saturday, November 10th. The
hayride will begin at 9:00 p.m.
and be followed by food and
beer. Dress warmly and bring
your blankets. Tickets will be on
sale Monday October 29th to
Tuesday November 6th in
Vendorville. Cost is $2.00 per
person and the seats are limited.
There’s a bunch of guys I know of,
With me they really rate,
At least the way they accomplish things,
Is really and truly great.
Whenever a need arises,
If they can do their share,
You’d better believe these fellows,
Will be the first one there.
Some knock them for their drinking,
And I don’t think that’s nice,
Cause the ones that knock their drinking,
Usually have an eviler vice.
(I also notice they are the first ones
at the Keggars)
These guys really stick together,
They’re brothers through and through,
And I don’t give a damn what anyone says,
XGI’S, I REALLY LOVE YOU!!!
T. O. .H. F. M.
H N O E E
..EL N M M
Chi Gamma tola Y s £ i
A E R
J. B. Langdon
The long-awaited and
much-needed walkway from the
dormitories to the Main Building
is becoming a reality. Actual
construction of the 2050 foot
project began October 22. Since
1967, plans for the walkway
have been discussed, but were
stalled, until recently, by
For the first time in eight
years, resident students will be
able to walk to classes safely,
and in poor weather, without
becoming unnecessarily soiled.
Photo-cell lamps, which
themselves, will illuminate the
six-foot wide macadem walkway
for nightime pedestrains.
James Rohrbaugh, supervisor
of the Capitol Campus
Maintenance and Operations
Department, stated that
completion of the $43,600
walkway “will certainly occur
before heavy winter weather sets
in’.. Reseeding, the final phase
of construction, will probably
take place next spring, unless
extremely good weather prevails
Usage of the walkway will be
restricted to pedestrian traffic,
elimination the certain safety
hazards that would be .created
by bicycles and motorcycles.
So far, construction has not
encountered any unusual
difficulties, but caution is being
continued, for a part of the
digging will come quite close to
the dormitories’ main heating
A point of interest and a
problem the designing engineers
faced, is the section of walkway
which will span the ravine below
the Fifth Street railroad tracks.
Students, in past years, have
been accustomed to climbing the
steep, often slippery, path to
Fifth Street with the ‘aid’ of
shelf-like lumps of earth and
tufts of grass. Construction plans
call for a five to six-foot fill with
a concrete retaining wall to carry
Remember Billy Jean? 40
y Remember Bobby Riggs?
WA Well, the second event of the "Battle of the Sexes" 11
K will take place right here at Capitol as, £
§ Yearbook Presents, 45
Thurs., Nov. 13, at the Athletic Field, K
an all male team (wearing dresses) "vs." U
an all female team (in football suits).
fi Come cheer for your favorite sex
Support Yearbook II
and show up-free admission-time will be announced
Will the feminine gender by victorious again? 84
the walkway across the gulley.
An anodized aluminum hand-rail
will also be installed.
This new addition to
permanent campus pedestrian
routes, is part of an overall plan
by the University to construct
needed sidewalks and paths.
Concerning the future, the
Meade Heights Walkway
(completed in 1969) may
connect with the walkway now
under construction, if money
continues to trickle down from
University Park. Students will
still have to walk about
one-hundred yards on the street
until such a connection is built.
During the past summer, two
contractors from Harrisburg,
Kimbob, Inc. and Howard P.
Foley, were awarded the
construction and electrical
contracts for their competitive
low bids of $34,000 and $9,000
respectively. Kimbob, Inc. is
building the walks and
the retaining wall project.
Howard P. Foley’s firm is
installing all electrical
equipment, including the lamps,
transformers and buried wire,
All bids were received by
main campus University, because
nearly all major new
construction for the university’s
branch campuses is centered at
University Park. According to
Rohrbaugh, Capitol Campus is a
“using agency” which utilizes
University-allocated funds to
improve the campus. All the
designs, blueprints and
engineering endeavors also
originate at main campus from
the Office of Physical Plant
Design and Engineering.
Width: 6 feet
Depth: A four-inch compacted
stone base, with a two
and one-half inch layer
of black top.
Lighting: 175 watt Photo-cell
lamps, spaced every 130
feet on 12 foot wooden
7:00 in the
You better be