Page 4 Dubious Achievement The "Pre-Catch 22" Award goes to Walt Slygh for his pr e-pre-registration, pre-advisement pre-bullshit. The "It Takes a Crook" Award goes to Roslyn Benner and friends for their excellence in thievery. Dr. Elmer Lear gets the "Elmer Gantry Powerful Oratory" Award for his gripping lectures. To our dear Mr. Paul we bestow the "Sgt. Joe Friday Warmth" Award for his understanding and kindess in doing his job. WZAP gets the "Home Economy" Award for staying within their SGA budget so well, and for conserving their airwaves (could you hear them in your house?). Dan Ekberg receives the "Billie Sol Estes Slush Fund & Double Entry" Award for his able manipulation of the SGA funds this year. Terry Wimmer gets the "Millard Fillmore Leadership" Award. To Mike Dini, the "Golden Gavel" and the "Boy, Will You Be Sorry" Awards. This year's "Thomas Paine Common Sense" Award goes to Bill Hadfield. Housing and Food Service boss Gautreau gets the "Best Hairstyle" Award. Dr. Brewster gets the "Right or Wrong" Award so that whichever he is, he'll have an award for it. Sam, Gregg and Mike Chew share the "Crystal Clear Content" Award for their easy-to-understand contributions to THE CAPITOLIST this year. The Cafeteria gets one 4-feet by 6-feet McDonald's free Cheeseburger coupon for obvious reasons. Servomation can have the "Paragoric Bottle" Award but only if they pay $3.95 for it. Dr. Bresler is awarded the Honorary Presidency of the President Nixon Fan Club. Carolyn Dexter gets the "One plus One Equals Three" Award. The "Hasseled Administrator" Award, for the 25th year straight, goes again to Dr. Grimm. Our own Business Office did well this year. They got two awards the "Spiro Agnew Unification" Award, for helping to promote Student/Administra tion relations, and the "Golden Rule" Award. Black Student Union Choir Concert Friday, lune 9th 8:00 p.m. Auditorium Jay Anderson lucked out with the "If It Were Around the Corner, I Could Walk to Work" Award. Re: Prof. Castle, several business students get the "Francis Gary Powers Loyalty" Award. Fred Manas gets the "Cardboard Gavel" Award and the "You're Luckier Then You Realize" Award. Steve Rosenzweig will get his too. His Diploma will read, "Bachelor of Pin Ball". Several others you know who you are will receive honorary B. of P.B.'s. The "Who Is He and What Has He Done For Us Lately" Award goes again this year to Placement Officer Schulz. The Award would have been presented already, but it got lost on the way to his office. That's to be expected, though, so does Schulz. Ed Racey gets the "May The Sun Set In The East Just Once" Award. Stan Saltzburg gets the "Say It Again, Stan" Award. For the 3,000,000 + leaflets she personally distributed this year, Becky Emery has won the "Recycle, Please" Award. Nancy Colnes and Iris Prager share the "Perfect Attendance" Award this year. In addition, both will receive free replicas of a bedpan. The "Bertha Humdingle Swinger of the Year" Award goes to Kathy King. Bob Bonaker gets the "Rookie Flipper" Award. Clem Gilpin gets the "Person We'd Most Like to be Facilitated By" Award. To the Free Parking Players, the "Ed Sullivan Award" is given for the longest running show on WZAP. A special "Horatio Alger Memorial Award" is presented to the Placement Officer for efforts in instilling confidence in applicants. For his radio show, Chris Shannon will receive the "Dick Clark I ' 11-Give-It-An-Eighty- Five-Because-It-Has-A-Good- Beat- An d-You-Can-Dance-To-It Award for Progressive Music." Two "Golden-Fisted-Phallus" Awards will be presented by Becky Emery to Steve Wesley and Steve Rosenzweig for their "Smilin' Faces" column. Rea & Derick's merits the THE CAPITOLIST Awards? "Easy Rider" Award for promoting the sale of Zig-Zags to students. Two more honors go to Mr. Paul: The "Where Were You When I Needed You Award" for closing the Ad Building at midnight; and the "Right Up My Ass In the Rear View Mirror Award" for promoting confidence while driving on campus. The "National Association of Embalmers Award for Technological Advancements" goes to the Snack Bar. As an added bonus, the Snack Bar also gets the "Superman, Faster Than a Speeding Car On Weaver Ave. Award" for its service. The "Rich Sites Humanitarian Award" to Mr. Graham for opague vision and wonderful advice. The "J" in hand is worth a damn fine toke Award to Frank Dullisse, Phil Rocco and Pope Van. As a further recognition of Dubious Achievement, the man from P.A.U.L. wins the "Thoreau Civil Disobedience Fashion Flair Award" for his lovely tie-clasp shaped like handcuffs. HOT LINE -944-1033 NMI lIIM M ME MII MIN NMI MIN 111 Ilarrisburg.,.._ i I STAR ART THEATRE II 1205 N 3rd ST 232-6011 I Double Feature m 111 FINEST ABUT ENTEITAINMENT 0 ---- --- S I = N a l asi :c or m Comfortably A„ conditioned 1 I grSTARTS FRIDAY I 1 - FOR ONE WEEK ONLY I I Hit #1 TO HIM, EVERY BED IS A BATTLEFIELD! EVERY WOMAN... oslt P. 061.00 Svi‘e X-rated In Erotic Eastman Color Smilin' by Steve Rosenzweig I know everyone will be thrilled because this is the last Smilin' Faces of our collegiate career. We would like to dedicate our finale to all the nice people who put up with our shit. And to those who were never attacked by us, better luck next time. It's been real and we hope you enjoyed our column throughout the year. Now back to the news: Bob Dunn has recently returned from a trip to "Transpo 72". He was highly disappointed when he discovered that the Goodyear Blimp was missing from the exhibit. He's writing a letter to his congressman and Pete Rozelle to fmd out why. The editorial staff of The Capitolist has given out some awards. We would like to further bestow honors to those so deserving. For Best Performing Actor Terry Wimmer for his role as President in the movie, "Bambi Goes To Capitol Campus". For Best Performing Actress a three-way tie between the sweet ladies that work in Vendorville for their performances in the movie, "Take the Money and Run". For Best Director the award goes to Mike Bauer for a fine job on the Rock Festival. For Best Producer the award goes to Walter Slygh for his movie, "Gidget Goes to College and Waits Three Hours to Register". For Best Art Direction the award goes to the recluse that pasted up pieces of the newpaper all over the Capitolist office. For Best Supporting Actor the award goes to Steve Wesley who tried to write this article. For Best Supporting Actress the award goes to all the secretaries who run this school in the movie, "The Impossible Years". For Best Editing the award goes to everyone who ever edited our column. For Best Musical Score the award goes to the Meade Heights Marching Stringband for their movie, "The Sound of Noise". For Best Lighting the award goes to Mr. Paul for the movie, "Do You Like the Lights On the Top of My Car?" For Best Technical Achievements the award goes to the man who fixes the pin-ball THE END. in MI MO NM ME MIN IMO INN =I MIMI OM MN I= OM I Commencement -- June 24 , 4:00 p.m., Front Lawn ....................... MIN MI =I NMI 1111111 MIN =I OM MNI 111 Wt cater rograight_ix.m, cower to neam. •ww_:* Juars...weco L _starto Fads _ g,t4„7,,s c , 0 1-1 1:3 oar Wit 44,11 41 `1" csei r" %a - c ome Thu scssE 14 4 ta ' N a s(L I WWI& I e „ I tiascmc ARE z• 131 MIL FM the civics arg OAR OUT theinc Witty ond Kam." COME TAKE AMR I P. 10 THE EAST kittill:S MUSICkEIk, Thursday, June 8, 1972 Faces & Steve Wesley machines in the movie, "Rip-off". For Best Screen Play the award goes to Dr. McDermott for his upcoming movie, "Automomy and Main Campus". And finally, for Best Picture the award goes to Charlie Carlin, Fred Manas, and Gene Bryan for their movie, "Diary of a Mad Candidate". Also, our special "Hortense Dorflinger Award of the Performing Arts" goes to Dr. Robert Bresler for his political impartiality in the upcoming movie, "McGovern". Hate to write this last column. We would like to thank everyone for their comments and critic izm. To the graduating seniors goodbye and good luck To the soon to be seniors have a good year. To everyone who helped thanks. I can't believe I'm finally going to make some money. Belly dancer in Iran sits on Henry Kissinger's lap. These days you really have to have the stomach for diplomacy. Right-On Harrisburg Rock Festival. Do you know the difference between an elephant's penis and a banana? Better take someone shopping with you. Do you know the difference between a cat and a pussy? Better watch what your balling. What's the difference between a chicken and a nymphomaniac? A chicken goes cock-a-doodle doo, and a nymphomaniac says any cock'll do. Good luck to the baseball team next year. Last article I asked if anyone was interested in canoeing or balling. Had ten chicks call to ball. What did the left nut say to the right nut? What are we hanging here for, Dick did the shooting. Why don't Italian mothers breast feed? They don't like to boil the nipples. (Right on Andy) Anyone who doesn't like our column is an idiot. So is anyone who does. Remember June 11 & 12 Pin-Ball Machine Championship. KEEP SMILIN'
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