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—Davie and Michael
Are you tired, starving,
strung-out? Are you looking for
something better in life? Is
boredom crawling in your grit
and sanding your teeth down?
Does everyday seem like
everyday, or does it just all fall
If so, get into the defense of it
all. The 'all' means your security
of not knowing. Not knowing
where the closest bomb shelter
is. Or that fundamental Theory
A-Bomb Localities. The best
way to get into this, is by
understanding paranoic security.
P.S. is the fact that you know, if
any bombs are dropped or
missled, you won't live anyway.
It is proven that the world
power's' have ten tons of TNT
for every human in the world.
The thing is, one-half of a pound
will kill one man; that means,
that if every bomb were dropped
"Congratulations, General! I think we've stopped the offensive."
properly, or just dropped period,
then there would be a 40,000
per cent overkill of the world's
population. There are also
meager speculations that say the
world powers' have enough
megatonage to destroy the
population of the world three
times over, but when you bring
chemicals into the trip, there
ain't no tellin'. The thing is, in
one megaton there is a millions
tons of TNT, an dig it, there's
only ten tons for you. But here's
where the fun comes in. Start
asking some simple fundamental
questions. Such as: Where do I
live? Do I live near a military
complex? See if you do. Do you
live near a military complex, or
near a gov't building, like living
in Washington DC the capitol of
the United Snakes. You might as
1.• iEZ;) , 41:z= h , ocz=... lic=a. ••==i.
well forget about yourself as
well as this cuntry. But then,
with the simple info given above,
what can you do to stop it. It
doesn't matter if its not in your
lifetime, you'll die anytime. But,
how many tons of TNT are there
for you. This game has the
wildest effects at any party, it
blows people's minds just to
realize there's a little TNT for
them. You'll feel like the 'life' of
the party because you have more
dynamite comin' your way than
anyone else. You'll receive a
roetgens meter to carry with you
when it happens. Example: Here
is an example of a bomb hitting
the earth in my vicinity, which is
your vicinity now. So I'm writin'
and you're readin', and you're
diggin' on the game you're so
excited to finish reading so you
to can figure out how many
pounds await you, then exactly
as I just flog these words down
on paper and give you a detailed
explanation of what
(blank space). See the funny
thing with your security is that
you think you have time to run
to your nearest facility of bomb
safety, but the blank space back
there destroys any space
between the rest of the words
written here. Do me a favor and
remember that all day for one
day. The great thing about us is
that we live for today, so we
can't be hassled by such inane
things as overkill, bombs, and
our live's, which is cool.
Regardless, turn everyone on to
overkill, its a flash, as the
pattern on your shirt melts to
your dead flesh.
Another dashing point about
overkill, bombs, and such, what
will we have to come back to
after the storm?
Dig though. The bombs are
comin', and you heard about it,
clever fellow that you are. So
you hussle yourself off to an
official, Civil Defense Approved
`Bomb Shelter' complete with
geiger counter, first aid kit and
instruction book, freeze dried
foods, and a social director. The
problem, however, is that you
live in Carlisle, Pa. (or similar
such place, of which there are
many, due to the incredible
efficiency of the Defense Dept.),
and about five miles away, there
is a major 'defense' installation,
namely the Mechanicsburg Naval
Supply Depot. So they'll chuck
a paltry device on it, big enough
to wipe it out, but really no big
thing, 'cause they're saving the
big guns for such relevant targets
as Wash. D.C. and Cheyanne
Mts. So maybe just a mere fifty
megatons for Mechanicsburg, Pa.
Ain't nobody that heard of that
town, anyway. Just the
equivalent of fifty million tons
of TNT. Just 100,000 pounds.
So you, swift, fleet and clever
that you are, resourceful enough
to find a bona fide bomb shelter,
are twenty, maybe thirty feet
underground. Hotcha Pedro!
Assuming that that flash don't
fry that ground right off the top
of you, can you dig what Mother
Earth's crust is gonna' do with it
at a distance of five miles?
Either crispy critters or mighty
flat ones. No fun, man. Stay on
top and dig the light show, while
it lasts. Won't people be pissed
off when an earthquake
swallows them whole while in
the safety of their bomb shelter.
N==s 0 fllO
Not The Promised Laid
by Chris Beck
Mr. Beck, former foreign editor
of the Sunday Review in
Melbourne is Dispatch's regular
Melbourne, Australia (DNSI)
-- A word of advice for
Americans thinking of
emigrating to Australia to escape
racial problems, crime,
capitalism, and the bomb
A common misconception
Americans have about Australia
is that it is the "last frontier" ..
. a resting place for the pioneer
spirit . . . an embodiment of the
"good old days" of America's
west where the modern covered
wagon is a secondhand pickup.
Nothing could be farther from
the truth. Since the second
world war more than 80,000
Americans have immigrated to
Australia. Only 34,000 have
Most return home because
they find that Australia is only a
more expensive imitation of the
United States. While salaries are
60% less and taxes 15% more,
the dollar here buys about the
same as it does in the United
There are other problems
More than 83% of Australians
live in cities and towns.
Two-thirds of the population of
12.8 million live in five cities,
along 1,000 miles of the eastern
(Pacific) seaboard. The largest of
these, Sydney and Melbourne,
have populations of 2.8 million
and 2.4 million respectively.
They are bigger than any U.S.
cities except New York, Chicago
and Los Angeles. They also face
a mounting crime problem.
Australia is a strange mix of
socialism, capitalism and
monopolies. Its steel industry,
the biggest in southeast Asia,
with an output of seven million
tons a year, is in the hands of
In the last 25 years American
business has invested nearly
$3,000 million in Australia. The
nation's 10 largest advertising
agencies, for instance, are owned
by Madison Avenue. More than
500,000 new cars are sold in
Australia every year. Thirteen
out of every 20 are made by
local subsidiaries of General
Motors, Ford and Chrysler.
Australia is also one of the
most curious welfare states in
the western world. Under 23
years of conservative
Liberal-Country Party federal
administration, the move has
been away from protecting the
individual and towards popping
up all sectors of business and
More than 80% of Australian
industry operates behind tariff
wall. This policy subsidization of
industry by the taxpayer is a
result of Australia's phobia of
not being self-sufficient, which
originated in the second world
Yet despite all these problems
the Americans still come. Last
year 11,322 came, an increase of
5,000 over the previous year.
The Australian immigration
department considers them to be
"diamonds among the gravel,"
and in a comprehensive report
said that America "is the source
of a small but valuable flow of
high quality migrants which is
likely to be of increasing
importance to Australia's
migration programme." A
decrease' of European
immigrants in the two years
since the report has helped
strengthen this view.
What the department found
particularly attractive about
American immigrants was their
high educational levels,
professional, technical and
managerial skill and the money
they brought with them.
Despite an Australian-U.S.
agreement under which Australia
promises not to advertise for
immigrants in the United States,
the high inquiry rate persists.
Australia has a 13-man
immigration team working out
of offices in Washington, New
York, Chicago, San Francisco
and Los Angeles. These officers'
main work is immigration
counselling and arranging
contacts with Australian
Under the assisted passage
scheme, the Australian
government will also contribute
up to $360 of a white migrant's
But if you are black, forget it.
Although it tries hard to
convince the world otherwise,
the Australian government has a
colorbased immigration policy.
Unless they've got some
university degree, blacks are
unlikely to be accepted. Even if
they are they won't get any fare
assistance from the Australian
government ... they have to pay
their own way.
In official Australia black is
not considered very beautiful.
As Australia's immigration
minister, Dr. Alexander Forbes,
says, "We assist with the
transport of those we actively
seek." That does not include
A campus theater class, under
the direction of Tony Arms, will
present a play in the auditorium
on June 7 and 8.
The play is an adaption of
Henrik Ibsen's PEER GYNT.
Tom Ogden plays the title role
in the campus staging. Other
people having major roles in the
play include: Charles Marcarelli,
Tim Ward, Frank Dulisse, Cheryl
Boyes, Lisa Moreschi, Dianne
Bryan, Janis June, Mark Chanin
and Max Brady.
The play is a classic
Scan dana vian fairy tale.
Character names are very
strange, reflecting the fictitious
nature of the work. Some of the
characters are trolls, Pencil,
Mads Moen, and those
designated Strangers and
Lunatics. The entire class is
putting a great deal of effort
into the play. Let's show up at
the auditorium on one of the
All Blood Types
80 ,1 qmo.
We need blood donors
of all types immediately.
For only a few hours of
your time a week, you can
earn $BO per month.
Please call today.
2634 N. Third St.
238-6349 or 238-6309