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Life Is Sometimes
Disappointing
by Our Man With Vision
Brett Taylor
Collegian Staff Writer
"The better part of
valor is digression."
Henry IV, part 1
I'm not happy.
It seems Golf Maniac magazine
just doesn’t recognize genius. I
just received a rejection notice
from the editors. "We do not
have a use for your article at this
time," they said. "Perhaps you
should try Highlights For
Children.”
Rejection is hard to take from
people who wear pants with no
washing instructions - just tint
and brightness controls in the
waistband.
My article was brilliant, if I
must say so myself. It was an
expose, actually, based upon my
undercover work as an assistant
greenskeeper this summer. My ancient Astrodome. The dark
thesis was: "Golf: Sport of understructure of that imposing
Kings? or Strange Pagan Carnage building could be sealed shut, the
Ritual, Where Fore May Be the ground level filled with Jello. I
Last Word You Ever Hear.” shiver just to think of the
Never again will I write about unspeakable horrors witnessed
golf. From now on my athletic there, as early Christians fought
attentions will be focused solely for their lives in that Vat Of
upon Jello Wrestling. Gelitainous Death. I weep for
Those of you who missed the humanity,
epic Jello Wrestling match on j e llo Wrestling experienced a
campus last week may not share SO rt of renaissance in the Dark
my passion for the sport. Those Ages, albeit in a scaled-down
of you who did witness the brutal format. Pits were dug in the
spectacle may not appreciate the forests and filled with that
rich history that elevates the sport flavorful goo, and peasants would
above mere barbarism. cheer wildly as criminals were
You have probably seen cast into the depths,
pictures of the Roman Colosseum. The sport almost died there in
This crumbling circular structure Europe, as the violent pastime
at one time housed monumental was banned on these shores dong
battles which served as catharsis with bear-baiting. The pious
for the stoic Romans. Yes, Puritans, at first repulsed by the
beneath that ideal society lurked sport, soon learned to integrate it
the darkest urges of man’s into the infamous witch trials,
reptilian heritage. Behind those The sordid past from which the
walls lay the corruptions and sport has arisen is all but
Well
tiit
commiww
perversions of Nero and Caligula.
At the end of those mighty Roman
roads there stood Jello
Wrestling.
Any history professor with
'll 11 thr the
S-b.
Community Blood Bank is the Sole
supplier of blood for Erie's
hospitals. Healthy donors are
needed on a daily basis to make
sure you and your loved ones
have blood when you need it. The
only thing a donor leaves with is a
sense of satisfaction of having
helped the Greater Erie
community.
Located in The Erie Center Mall Complex 456 - 4206
Quite
forgotten. Here on campus, Jello
Wrestling serves the more noble
cause of fund raising.
All of which brings me to my
state of unhappiness.
You see, I’ve never been good
at competitive events of any kind,
whether they are sports or
contests. This humiliation reacted
its peak this weekend at Burger
King.
It was
actually,
an expose,
based upon
my undercover work as
an assistant greens
keeper this summer.
My thesis was: "Golf:
Sport of Kings? or
Strange Pagan Carnage
Ritual, Where Tore* May
Be the Last Word You
Ever Hear.”
Their latest game, Triple Jump
Checkers, only requires that the
player scratch off three tiny
squares. Apparently, even that is
too difficult. Seeing that
impersonal "Sorry, try again,"
printed under that last square was.
a crushing blow.
If I ever own a fast food
restaurant, I'll have a contest
where every card wins the
customer'a house. Of course,
there will only be one house
awarded. How those five million
proud new homeowners decide to
split the prize is up to them. My
only job is to make them happy.
I feel better already. Send me
some hate mail.
iFFnYCI I.
AsLdngAs
October 13,1988
Outraged Puritan confronts decadent gladiators during S.P.C. sanctioned Jello Wrestling.
The First Semester
Boredom
by Janet Ocampo
Collegian Staff Writer
As a student settling into life at
Behrend College, there is a syndrome
that is inevitable. It usually first
appears during the first few weeks of
school and persists throughout the
semester. The student begins to
experience an acute feeling of
restlessness that sends them in quest
for anything different. This
syndrome is commonly known
throughout the campus as boredom.
There are many reasons for this
feeling of general uneasiness. For
residential students, it may be that
they miss their home and friends. It
could be another dead weekend on
campus. However, the general
consensus is that there is nothing to
do once there is free time. One
knows that their case of boredom is
YouNEEDLb .
Behrend Mass Drive
Wednesday October 19 &
Thursday October 20
10:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
First Floor Reed Union Building
Hot Dogs - Chips - Cookies
Soft Drinks - Coffee
Coordinated by:
Patty Pasky R.N., ASA & TKE
activity to participate in during a
severe when it occurs prior to an blah day is to make rounds on the
exam . memo boards on the doors. Once,
When this happens, the student these activities have been
can often be found hanging around exasperated, the weekend party-goers,
their mail slot. They become regular hold the reign for creativity with
passengers on the blue bus and their own brand of projects to
easily recognizes the bus driver on conquer boredom,
duty. Once their MAC cards begins For students that can identify
to exhibit signs of overuse, the with feelings of restlessness, there is
students' quest for excitement hope. Weekend car-pools are a good
becomes similar to the search for way to have fun off-campus,
nirvana. At this time, it is common Students at the dorms can get,
to see students at the Wintergreen together and hang out. Students can,
during off-peak hours buying a also decide to listen to AT&T and
package of Duncan Hines chocolate reach out and touch someone. It is
chip cookies. Once ordering great to call an old friend.
Domino's pizza becomes the Whatever the solution, freshmen
highlight of the day, it is time to victims of boredom can take comfort
refer to articles on prevention against knowing that it’s not a terminal
the Freshmen Fifteen. college affliction. Although,
Boredom often causes spurts of boredom can always return when
unique creativity. For example, it is least expected, there is always
common to find these students something that can be done.
photo by Beth Bengtson
engaged in water fights that read
from something out of a Sylvester
Stallone film
Another common