Collegian
Page 4
Love Rob
Life's Pleasures
by Rob Prindle
Collegian Staff Writer
Everyone has a few guilty pleasures. For some it is reading
Harlequin Romances, for others more sophisticated, it is drinking Jack
Daniels from the bottle while watching Oprah -- or Donahue for the
more conservative.
For me it is reading and collecting newspaper articles. I know , I'm a
wild man, but I have collected a large selection of very weird new
stories. I'm not talking about flashy articles from supermarket tabloids,
with headlines like: "Man Stops Eating Himself To Search For New Jar
of Miracle Whip." I mean real news stories from real newspapers.
The headlines I am about to show you are not pretty. They depict
warped ideas and strange meanings which we may never fully
understand. Since you, the reader, have already made it past "Love Rob"
you should be able to handle these:
"Blue Slime Disease Isn't Anything To Worry About." Hey, if you
can't worry about blue slime disease, what can you worry about" I
personally think that I would walk blocks out of my way to avoid
something called blue slime disease, or even blue slime simplex.
Now, the same newspaper that gave us the reassuring advice about
blue slime, printed this piece of metaphysical meandering just a few
weeks later. "Adults Believe Kids Are Unruly. ' Wow, now that's news.
Glad I spent that quarter.
It is possible that some of this unruliness came as a result of a
scandal that an Erie paper uncovered. The headline read: "Playing Tag
On The Telephone." Damn hooligans, I can only imagine what may
have happened if I had lived my life without ever knowing about
telephone tag.
On second thought, you can hardly blame unruly kids for not
wanting to leave their homes to play tag after you consider this next
headline:"Nova Scotia Villagers Awake To Find Refugees Wandering
Streets." Sure, first Nova Scotia then Erie, then the world.
We had all better pray, but who could go to church after reading this
in the morning newspaper:"Minister Loses Teeth In Sermon
Gimmick." Well, better to lose teeth to a gimmick than to blue slime
I guess.
The headlines I just presented were all true and fortunately they were
also of very little importance to anyone except the guy who lost his
teeth.
Some stories attached to headlines, however, are way too important.
One day last November my day got off to a great start when I read "6
Arrested For Dealing Drugs At Nuclear Plant." Yea, that's just what
America needs; mellow nuclear plant employees. I can imagine the
conversation now. "Wow, nuclear meltdown. What a concept. Better
put in some Pink Floyd."
And here is one final bit of headline heaven. "Archbishop Whealon
Orders Gay Group To Stop Using Church." I don't know about you,
my loyal readers, but I sure do sleep
,better now that I know t.hat_gay
people: can't pray. It's good that Whealon stopped them now, or next
they may have wanted to-vote. _ .
I wonder if His Honor the Archbishop thinks kids are unruly. Watch
out.
• /1 - c-i( -L
-,
•
,A-I___
There's a lot of dangerous information
about sex. Dangerous because it's just
plain wrong.
If you don't know the facts. you can
get into extremely serious trouble. How
many of these mistakes have you heard
others make?
A"YOU CAN'T GET
PREGNANT DOING IT
STANDING UP."
Gravity has nothing to do with getting
pregnant. The minions of sperm in each
ejaculation can hve for two or three days'
inside of you. Jumping up and down
wont stop them. Doing it standing up wont
faze them. It takes just one sperm to get
you pregnant.
A"YOU CAN'T GET
PREGNANT WHEN
YOU'RE BLEEDING!'
Oh. yes you can. Some girls can have
bleeding when they ovulate—the most fer
tile time—and think its their period. Think
of bleeding as the start of a cycle. not the
end of one. Because few girls have periods
like clockwork. calculating the actual low
points in your fertility cycle is the most
difficult birth control method there is.
Even when you do Wright. it's the one
that's most likely to go wrong:
'DOUCHING
WITH SODA POP
REALLY WORKS!'
If it did, you can bet the companies who
make the stuff would be selling it for a lot
more than they do! The fact is. douching
Gyne Exams—Birth Control Prescription Seryices—Pregnancy Tests
Thanks to Planned Parenthood For Use of This ad.
with any kind of soda pop is not only use
less. its extremely dangerous. Douching
with anything is no substitute for the
simple, effective birth control methods
you can buy at any drugstore without
a prescription. We wish there was an easy
way to prevent pregnancy "after the fact."
but there isn't.
•
A"YOU CAN'T
GET PREGNANT
THE FIRST TIME!'
Ifs all the same to eggs and sperm. They're
ready the first time, every time, even if you're
riot. It's not a matter of "luck." It's just a fact
of life. If you have sex and don't use an
effective method of birth control, you are
going to get pregnant. If you don't want it to
happen, you have to do something to stop
it from happening.
This year, a million teenage girls will
get pregnant because they didn't know how
not to. Or because they "thought" they
knew, but really didn't.
Getting pregnant is easy. You don't
have to be smart. You don't have to be pop
ular. You don't have to be anything except
mistaken. Just once, about one thing.
Nobody's born knowing the facts of
life. Everybody has to learn them. And the
best way to learn is by asking people you're
absolutely sure know the answer. Like your
parents. Or your teacher. Or the peOple '
at Planned Parenthood. We're listed in the
phone bbok. We can help. That's what
were here for.
For more informa
tion call Uiversity
Health
898-6217
by Pastor Ray Sines
Contributing Writer
Jim, my hat is off to your
excellent editorial - "The Death of
Activism." I must also ask, WHY
did many . college students of the
sixties become activists? I graduated
from high school in 1964 and I
know that the foremost thoughts on
my mind (at age 18) were either
McGraduates ?
by Kevin Trenney
Collegian Staff Writer
When I hear all of these great
people drone on and on about how
bad Behrcnd is, I am overpowered
by an urge to "Chuck upwardly,"
all over them. It also toasts my
posterior, (burns my butt) when I
am forced to listen to my fellow
students go on for countless hours,
singing the praises of University
Park.
Why is Behrend so terrible? In
what ways is U.P. so much better?
Aftcr.posing these questions coun
-tless times to these whining "U.P.
wanna bcs", I get some truly
wonderful responses. Certain com
mon themes are expressed in these
answers i.e. "This place is so
,_bor,ing.,..there's nothing to do here."
For some, reason, I was under the
- impression" that the purpoSe for
going to college is learning. How
naive of me to think this! I feel so
stupid now. It is plain to see that
the reason one attends college today
is to,.bea social animal.
Sure there are more social
activities at University Park. The
"Upper eschelon" at U.P. is prob
-ably more "upper crusty" than the
one at Behrend. Come on people!
Wise up! College is not merely a
medium for socialization and
sporting events. College is a
place for learning.
Center
going to to college (or technical
trade school), getting married or
becoming a victim of the draft. I
cringed at the thought of shooting
another human and I was not ready
for marriage so I chose the first of
• my three choices.
Apparently many other students
chose this same choice because this
turned out to be the largest college
boom in our. history. Now that a
significantly larger percentage of
,high school graduates , all of a
sudden, desired more education, but
Many students saw it as a way of
avoiding Vict Nam. Entering
college in the sixties changed one's
mandatory draft status from 1-
A(have your bags packed) to 1-S
(delayed until graduation or until
your GPA drops below a ""B"").
Since I had to work 45 hours a
week to afford to go to school, it
took only one year for my GPA
to drop to a "C". Needless to say
Uncle Sam sat by students during
this time like a vulture waiting to
Please understand that my
primary goal is not to slander U.P.
I have a great deal of respect for Dr.
Jordan, the faculty members and
students who are there. Without
University Park there would be no
Penn State Behrend. My aim is
very simple. I wish to point out
some advantages of attending
Behrend, as I perceive them.
- Being just a faceless number in
an audience of over 400 students -
What a nice thought! A friend of
mine who is presently at U.P.
initially bragged about the fact that
he is there. Now he whines about
it, complaining about the class
size. The small class environment
at Behrend would seem more
conducive to learning. I like the
fact that most of my professors
,know my name. The education one
gets here is personalized, like the
services one gets in a small family
operated restaurant.
At Behrend you are more than a
number. The education which one
receives at UP. would seem much
less personalized. -Like the service
you get at McDonalds. If you have
problems with classes at Behrend,
you can speak directly to your
professor. At UP. you may have
to deal with tutors, graduate
assistants, or fellow students with
the same major.
There is something at Behrend
mama
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clean up, and my draft notice was
mailed air mail special delivery.
Sixty days later I was South East
Asia bound; expenses paid. But
speaking from one sixties' student's
point of view, I envisioned the
' wrong' in Viet Nam as ME being
forced to shoot at another human
being.
This was certainly, a reason a
reason to become an active student,
although it was very selfserving.
Jim, I too would like to believe
that there were activists purely for
the reason of good, but I'm not
quite sure that many were totally
innocent of self motives.
Speaking further on student
activism, I wonder what it takes
today for students to put forth the
sacrificial effort and time from their
busy schedule to even write a letter
to the school newspaper? In just
two years I have seen efforts from
soliciting articles, stop apathy
buttons, controversial articles and
which neither U.P. nor the rest of
the World has. This something is
someone named Ben Lane
(Professor Emirtus), who has done
much for Behrend over the years.
There is also a great sense of
community here.
klid:1;11IOWJ;V.41
Behrend Fair
by Ed Miseta
Collegian Staff Writer
I'm bored. There's never anything to do."" How many times have
you heard that before? It seems to be a pretty popular saying around
here, but hopefully that will soon be a thing of the past. Introducing
'Behrend Fair". Behrend Fair is the biggest craze to hit this campus in
quite some time. This college version of the Olympic games will be a
week long event to be held every spring.
"" It will be a chance for students to show off the skills that they
have been able to master while here at Behrend,"" said Behrend Fair""
organizer Guiseppie Makaratz. "We're hoping for a good turnout from
the student body. All of the events were designed with them in mind.""
Some of the events to be held during this week long extravaganza
are as fellows:
The Parking Lot Dodge
For this exciting event, 2000 students will take off from
Wesleyville, race up Station Road onto campus, and then try to park in
1200 parking places. Those that get spots will be judged on poise,
aggressiveness and skill. An overall winner will bee allowed to park in
front of the Administration building for an entire semester. Those that
cannot find spots will have to park along the road or on the grass. Their
cars will then be ticketed and towed.
The Dr. Feel Goods Relay
Students, along with their designated drivers, will leave the campus
at nine o'clock on a Wednesday night. They will arrive at the Doctor's
and quaff brews till closing time. They will then get a breathalizer test,
head back to campus , and be in bed by three. Those motivated
participants will then get up at six and start studying twenty pages of
notes. At eight they will be given a test on the notes. Those registering
at least a. 2 on the breathalizer and scoring an 80% or better on the exam
will be awarded a bottle of liquor stores finest cheap Chianti.
Contestants must be of legal age.
The Slippery Hill Slalom
For this event, the walkway , the walkway up behind the Reed
building will be hosed down with water and allowed to freeze overnight.
The next morning several sorority girls wearing short dresses and
pumps will attempt to walk from Lawrence Hall down to the Reed
Building without slipping and falling on their duffs. They will be
judged on style and poise, with the winner to receive a large bag of
Doritos and a two liter bottle of Pepsi, along with a free tanning
session from Ernie's Sunshine Emporium.
The Couch Potato Pasta Parlay
Those students particularly adept at camping out in front of the
television will also get the chance to show off their talents. The
Couch Potato Pasta Parlay will set all contestants in front of a
television that is showing The New Holly Wood Squares. The
contestants will try to down as much spaghetti as they can, while
trying to answer questions before John Davidson gives the answers. The
top finishers will then move on to the exciting Wheel of Fortune round
, where they will try to guess the puzzle before the contestants. The
winner will receive a used television set, courtesy of the Salvation
Army, a cold Dominos pizza and a warm six-pack of Iron City Light.
Along with these and many other exciting events, there will also be
a host of celebrities on hand. Television and film stars such as Sean
Penn, Jim J Bullock and Kirk Cameron will sign autographs while
great musicians • such as Sonny Bono, Tammy Faye Bakker and
Zamfir,(master of the pan flute) entertain the crowds. The festivities
will end with the very popular Barry Weller/Robert Connrad look-alike
contest. The entire celebration is free to Behrend students and faculty
members. Let the games begin!
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,s
opinion
even enlarged bold print which
begged for other persons'
comments. Much of the world
looks to colleges for solutions and
answers. Come on, let someone
know you are alive- GET
INVOLVED.
Part of a college education is
learning how to express yourself,
voice your opinions, and to express
what YOU value. God willing, you
are tomorrow in the making. Don't
let your college career pass you by
while kidding yourself, saying, "I'm
going to write my comment
about..."
I read an article last week which
stated: "It's easy to procrastinate and
leave good deeds undone, but such a
couise will bring regrets when life's
short race is done."-Anonymous.
Even the devil doesn't care how
much good a person does, as long
as they don't do it today.
Boastfully, I must say, this
paper has gouen much better every
semester, but not without sacrifices
in grades, time and criticism. Please
remember also, the Collegian staff
takes the same courses and has the
same workload that other students
have; yet because a few are willing
to become active we are privileged
to read on.
U.P. has advantages over
Behrend as far as such things as
facilities and course offerings go.
But Behrend has advantages of its
own.
A personalized Penn State
education in a smaller environment!